"Voters have been waiting for a charismatic leader who knows his or her priorities, is a clear communicator, and has a "can-do" attitude. Running on an independent ticket, without need of campaign financing, may I present Satan and Death for the Presidency of the United States of America for 2008!" Spokesperson Mallory Day exclaims.
Roaring cheers are deafening as Satan and Death emerge from stage fireworks and fog. Satan is wearing a fashionable red body suit and hooves, while Death has chosen an understated black cloak. "Satan's one priority is to gather the immortal souls of as... Read More
In the spirit of true journalism I want to say that I was on the Democrats payroll for a few years. Not because I blindly believe what they say (I'm a registered independent) but because they've been the voice of the moderates and of the middle class. In short they've been my voice. 1. Congress will have oversight and accountability. Our government was built around the concept of checks and balances but this essential feature was lacking under the rubber stamping Republican congress. The Democratic majority, if it's has learned from past mistakes of both parties, will make corruption and lobbying... Read More
There she is, the most dangerous woman in America, Nancy Pelosi of San Francisco with the motto of the Democratic Party emblazoned on a projector screen. The New Direction, of course, is right into the toilet and straight on to hell. One nice thing about the United States of America is that American voters get the government they deserve. If they are stupid enough to fall for the lies and smears of the Democrats, then they deserve the shaft they are going to get. Time and time again, every effort has been made to present the truth and facts about this election, however, at every turn, the... Read More
The campaign season came to an unexpected halt today as the White House announced the 2006 and most likely the 2008 elections would be postponed for lack of interest. During a rare Rose Garden press conference with Fox News, Washington Times, and cardboard cutouts Pres. Bush proclaimed, "After reviewing the latest polling data it is obvious that there is no demand for the election. My advisors assure me if we wait 6 years Adam's Smith's invisible hand, I believe he's a member of the X-men, will spur interest for a healthier, stronger democracy." Helen Thomas, disguised as a lawn gnome sitting... Read More
Who ruined California's Public Schools?
"Illegal immigrants." That's the accusation that is being tossed around these days. "Illegal immigrants have flooded the state! And public schools are choking on the excessive amount of students! Not to mention that most of the students can't even speak English!" I hear this sentiment echoed through different media channels daily from the CNN policy analysts in their stripey fancy suits to some over weight lady in a fanny pack being interviewed on her front lawn in Sylmar. The fingers all point to the "broken border." Currently, there is political... Read More
Thinking of another article to write for this great online newspaper knowing there is a person out there watching and waiting to pounce has caused me no small amount of stress. It is certain that when I write political pieces not everyone will agree with what I might say or allude to however well constructed and researched they might be. I felt the only way to avoid controversy would be to write about Madonna and her cross or maybe the latest movies that appeal to me like Borat or Man of the Year. However, then I thought for a second and sure enough those articles would be wrought with controversy... Read More
It seems pretty simple. People who smoke are going to vote against Proposition 86, and people who don't will vote for it. Which means that it ought to pass, since only 14% of Californians smoke cigarettes. Upon further inspection, however, the matter is not that simple. Proposition 86 plans to implement the first tobacco excise hike since 1998. The new tax will add $.13 to each cigarette (that's $2.60 a pack) and about $4 to each can of smokeless tobacco. Its passing will create The Tobacco Tax of 2006 Trust Fund in the State Treasury. Through this trust fund, profits will be directly... Read More
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