Monday, February 19, 2018

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Yesterday I was eating some trail mix (that shit is delicious) and I was just walking around having the damndest time. As I was entertaining myself with different exciting combinations (two cranberries and an almond! A yogurt covered cranberry and one slightly salty raisin!) I got to thinking about how crazy trail mix really is. I mean, who in the hell decided that they wanted to cash in on a bag of some whack combination of small pieces of edibles that would never really exist anywhere on a trail? When are you going to see yogurt or chocolate covered anything in the woods? And raisins or... Read More

It seems that everyone wants to be looked at. Everyone gets that sickish anxious feeling that they need attention and validation from random people around them… this somehow makes us feel better than attention from someone we know… it gives us that relief that someone doesn’t need to know our personality to notice us. And yet… even though every single one of us (I don’t care who you are) feels the need for this, go to any mall and all you will see are people vying to get a glimpse of themselves in any vaguely reflective surface and refusing to look at anyone else. So who looks at you? And... Read More

Mannequin nipples. They’re freaking HUGE, right? The breasts themselves are small… hell, they are some seriously lacking boobs, but the nipples stick out like an inch or so. And everyone has to admit it… when you walk by (male or female) it catches your eye. When I see it, I’m like ‘ Okay, I get it, it’s supposed to be hot, it’s supposed to grab my attention in a very uncouth and unsubtle way that appeals to my baser senses and exposes my insecurities’. As I’m being visually and mentally assaulted by these titties, I can’t help but think of the impracticalities of the mannequin… the incredibly... Read More

It's amazing that even with the high cost of gas you still see rich people cruising down the highway in their Hummer's and Ferrari's doing over 70 mph. They do so with little regard to all the gas they're burning up because they can afford it. Of Course, when you make a quarter of a million dollars a year or more, $4 a gallon is nothing to you. That's why I say the government should raise the tax on gas so it costs at least $10 a gallon. Then they should use that extra tax money and give it back to lower income families and individuals, similar to the stimulus rebate checks that have gone out... Read More

When visiting a coffee shop or cafe, I always have an agenda. I may be meeting someone for a date, working on a brilliant short story or reading the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel! In Los Angeles, particularly West Hollywood, it seems down-right impossible to enjoy myself while sipping iced coffee or soy lattes for a myriad of reasons:

1. Why do you, Mr. Brooks Brothers suit and perfectly coiffed hair feel the need to order your drink and over-priced baked goods extremely loudly? Why do you have a Coffee Bean gift card in line at a Starbucks and why are you giving the poor soul behind... Read More

Every day, I open my mailbox, extract the contents, and have the same reaction: "Great googily moogily!" (I really make this exclamation. Ask my neighbors.) When did my mailbox become a trash depository? I have noticed that I receive three types of mail: bills, mail that I don't even take into the house (circulars, coupon books) and mail that I take into the house only to be shredded immediately (credit card applications and mortgage offers). Nothing can be done about the first type. Nobody wants bills, but they are a necessary evil. However, by now you know I am not one to mention a problem... Read More

The most entertaining part of watching television in 2008 isn’t the cookie-cutter cop shows with their interchangeable casts and image obsessed stars. It’s not the agenda driven, corporate owned cable news programs that take us on a daily odyssey through various election headquarters, situation rooms, and the equilibrium friendly concept of “fair and balanced” reporting. It’s not even the un-reality of a show like “Keeping up with the Kardashian’s” that stars a sex tape Diva whose ass is so big that she has to sit down in shifts.

Not even close, my friends. My favorite part of modern... Read More

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