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Monday, December 17, 2018

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“Would he fit in the Focus?” I wondered. At 6’2, 295 lbs, our friend was in for a squeeze. I also had to wonder, “What’s the worst that could happen? Severe beating? Could I take a severe beating?” I’m driving, alone, into the Tenderloin—San Francisco’s most ghetto neighborhood—to meet Redogo…the sole respondent to our Craigslist ad for a fat friend.We (my friend Matt and I) weren’t trying to be mean. I’ll admit, the kick was in the wrongness. But we were also sincere. Figured anyone who’d answer an ad like that might just be awesome. I gave Redogo a call. “Hey man, on my way,” I informed him,... Read More

A local newspaper ran another ad for San Franicsco beat reporters, offering a little more than minimum wage. Angry and insulted, I sent them this response:

"I am responding to the job you posted on Craigs List. I believe that I am an ideal fit for the position, because I'm a team player, a prime mover and the wind beneath your wings.

Hey, I admit I will never be Ernest Hemingway (I tried for a while, but I hated all the booze and the bullfighting, not to mention the uncomfortable beard), but I am pretty damn good!

I don't go out looking for stories. Stories come to me.... Read More

As a man that prefers baldness to a bad hairline, I spend a lot of time in the shower during the week making sure that my head is evenly shaved. This poses a time management issue for me as well as an internal struggle of weighing the pros and cons of taking the time to look like a hardass vs. just letting it grow out and getting a haircut once a month like a normal person.So one of the major problems with shaving my head is that I am a perfectionist and if there is any stubble in a particular area I will keep shaving that section from different angles until the area is smooth. Well needless... Read More

So for those of you who are not familiar with or don't care about my home life, I just recently installed hardwood floors into my house. During the 2 month long process (Lumber Liquidators mills messed up the finish on our wood, but everything is good now) our house was a disaster area with our furniture in the garage, some kitchen disorganization, and a layer of dust that rivaled the Pompeii aftermath. One such kitchen disorganization centered around a forgotten bunch of onions within one of our cupboards. Well needless to say I may have forgotten them, but the fruit flies decided to have... Read More

By CCNY

A recent New York Times article detailed the plight of certain parents of considerable means who, by dint of the economic debacle in progress, were seeing their family finances redefined on a daily, sometimes even hourly, basis. The piece describes the struggles of these parents to impart to their children what it all means for their families, who up to now have only experienced the salad days. I mean, a lot of salad. Like a Rose Bowl-sized portion of salad. Get it? Okay...

So, while their parents worry about how to live on ONLY their 6 and 7 figure savings accounts and deal with... Read More

Last week I was in a meeting where the phrase Ivory Tower was used. While the phrase was used in a particular context, I have found another context in which the words Ivory Tower are applicable. I was catching up on The Big Bang Theory last night and there was an scene involving one of the characters of the show. The character I am referring to is Sheldon. He continuously makes comments that can only be described as condescending. On the tv show, Sheldon has intelligence far superior to genius and is socially inept. His myopic point of view doesn't enable him to realize when he is being condescending.... Read More

Ok...so I took the day off...not rubbing it in..but it's absolutely so beautiful outside along the beach...I'm in heaven...I'd rather rent than buy at this point if this is what I get for my money. So I decide to go for a walk..I walk down to Redondo Village and check out the new Fantastic Sam's...which I had sworn off in the past after asking for "layered" and getting "mullet." However, I can not afford a Benjamin for a haircut, which is what most stylists get in the "Village".The place is empty, having recently opened 2 months ago, and it's Friday, and it's the "Village"...so no one would... Read More

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