Monday, June 18, 2018

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We get attached to our pets to the point of being ridiculous. Many years ago, a fellow employee of mine called into work sick because her cat was ill. As a non-pet owner at that stage in my life, I laughed my ass off at this person and razzed her for treating an animal like a human being. Now, I feel bad for ridiculing this woman. I have two pets now and I can completely relate. The pet person I was striving to avoid being for so many years is now ME.

Pets and their people have a long history together. From the beginning of mankind, the very first couple had a pet—a snake. Adam wasn’t... Read More

I love women. Always have, from a tender age, when Sally Ann’s grandmother caught us under the bed kissing and washed our three-year old mouths out with soap. I’ve had a girlfriend pretty much since that day.

By and large I have always preferred the company of women. They say I have a highly developed anima, which suggests, among other things, that I am capable of understanding women’s thoughts and feelings better than your average Joe. That this sensibility engenders trust is its own reward. That I came by it the hard way I am about to demonstrate.

‘But have you really... Read More

ever have one of those nights when you fall asleep before brushing your teeth? and you wake up at three in the morning with that god awful, gloppy taste in your mouth? so you lumber half awake into the bathroom?and you don't turn on the light because you don't really want to wake up?so you brush your teeth in the dark?and you notice that the toothpaste doesn't have that minty clean taste?but you brush anyway because it's not so bad and you just want to get back to bed?so you rinse and stumble your clean teeth back to bed all satisfied and what not?then morning comes and you reach in the medicine... Read More

The problem with young people today is that they are too tall.

When I was a boy I was short. Damned short. Stunted, you might say. And so were my friends.

I was 4’2” until my last year of high school, for Christ’s sake, and I was captain of the basketball team.

My dad was the tall one and if I tried to get bigger than my size-three britches before my time he’d have thumped me senseless and been right to do it. It’s disrespectful. He called me "short stack" or "shorty" or "hey you" and I was grateful for the attention.

You’re not supposed to be taller than your old... Read More

As I turned to look, she began to gyrate her hips in what I can only describe as a horrific attempt at seduction. The undulation of her flab beneath the tight-fitting fabric reminded me somehow of the lava lamp that I used to keep on my bedside table back in the Sixties. I was immediately transfixed.

“Huge,” I volunteered involuntarily, realizing too late that my little voice had gotten out, and that the correct response would have been “No, not at all.”

Truth be told, it is one of my most deeply held convictions that women over a certain poundage should not be allowed to... Read More

Thank you for joining me for this interview, Mr. DeBrie. Would you mind briefly introducing yourself?

Not at all... I'm Chris DeBrie; call me "D" if you see me. I live in Virginia. I'm somebody's son and somebody's brother. I've dipped in Iceland's Blue Lagoon. And I love Nutter Butters.

Shakespeare Ashes focuses on the lives and relationships of young people. Will you tell us more about the book?

The story follows four characters in their twenties. All of them intersect to varying degrees. It's written mostly in first person, because I wanted to use real-life... Read More

101 Uses for a Dead Chicken

For a number of years now I’ve been working on a cookbook that contains only recipes for chicken. Chicken that’s roasted and chicken that’s stewed. Chicken that’s braised and chicken that’s fried. Chicken in salads, in sandwiches, in soups, on pizzas …. You get the drift.

And then it struck: chef/writer’s block. I was out of recipes; and no amount of urging and cajoling from my friends and loved ones could do anything to help. I disdained all of their suggestions: ‘Borrow one recipe from some other cookbook.’ ‘Change the name of the book to... Read More

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