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Monday, August 20, 2018

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My husband and a rather eccentric friend had driven up to the Quebec side, in the Canadian Shield, to fish in one of the thousands of lakes which surround us. Driving home in the twilight they inadvertently drove over a porcupine. Now Michael and his friend P.J. had lived in the wilderness for a few months after university, surviving on fish, an old turtle, rice and coffee. Never one to waste good organic meat, P.J. immediately yelled,

” Mike, pull over. Porcupine is good eating.”

This was the opportunity of a lifetime. Porcupines are protected because they are easy to kill... Read More

The relationship between man and beast is an interesting one. What is it about dogs that tempts us to repeat the age-old phrase, "dogs are man's best friend"? My husband contends that we love to make pets out of animals because without free will, they simply absorb all our affection and reflect undivided loyalty back to us. We revel in such devotion and inadvertently become part of a dog's pack as he bonds with us in a deep manner. This dynamic works for my husband because he is always the alpha of the pack but not for me. Why I don't even make the beta position. Nope I am usually the omega.... Read More

Dear Ely,

I’m a forty-year-old computer engineer (in other words, a nerd), and I’m being bullied. A guy I work with always makes fun of me in front of our colleagues. I would be able to bear the hurtful insults, but he takes the abuse much farther. Sometimes when I’m in the men’s room he and his cronies corner me and beat me up. They punch me in the stomach and chest (so as not to leave any visible bruises) and take my lunch money. Then they dunk my head in the toilet until I agree to do all their work. This kind of thing has been happening my whole life, and I don’t know... Read More

Just when I finally quit trying to be more like my logical husband, someone asks this ridiculous question. Finally I have embraced that I am a woman who is an intuitive, creative, feeling, perceptive person who is also a circular thinker. I am content to drive my husband crazy.

Viva la difference.

When I was little, I thought that boys were loud and generally obnoxious. Harsh, I know, but all their testosterone driven aggression and rough play was so foreign to my own temperament, that I considered them to be practically an alien race of beings. I have neverwanted to morph into... Read More

Dear Ely,

I’m the senior partner of a law firm, and I’m in trouble. Our office is a very diverse workplace: we employ people of African, Latin American, Asian, Middle Eastern, and even Native American descent. There’s one racial/ethnic group that isn’t represented on our payroll, though, and this is where the trouble lies. Our local White Rights Alliance – a group that promotes the interests of white people in our community – is threatening to sue us because we don’t employ any Caucasians. They allege that we’re not an equal opportunity employer, we’re neglecting our affirmative... Read More

Animals? You want to know what animals mean to us?

Well that question is an understatement on our hobby farm because we are surrounded by pets, farm and wild animals as well as nine kids all the time. Just try to even come in the front door without tripping over our huge, guard dog. Shadow is a humongous, drooling black lab mix, with overgrown feet and a clumsy personality. He was part of my children's lives for 13 years. This dog was the most quirky and annoying pet we have ever owned. He was also messy, bossy and slightly dense. His utterly hilarious behaviour would take an entire... Read More

Dear Ely,

I was just released from prison, and I don’t want to go back. Ever. I’ve been looking for a job, but I can’t find one. I can’t even get an interview. Employers just won’t give me a chance – every application asks if I’ve ever been convicted of a crime. Once the employer sees that I answered “Yes,” my application goes in the trash. What am I supposed to do? I’m ready to go straight and live a respectable life, but if society doesn’t give me an opportunity to make an honest living, I’m going to have to turn back to a life of crime.

Sincerely,

Ex-Con... Read More

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