WORLD'S SHORTEST MARRIAGE/Divorce. RIGINAL.
"I pronounce you man and wife. Ladies and gentleman and that little nauseating uncontrollable 'ants- in- his- pants' care flee obnoxious little one sticking; or should i say dipping, his little grubby feeler in the onion dip DESIST! The former fleedom fighter,Rev Louse, regained his composure,glared at the dipper just out of diaper. "Pleased to present to you Mr and Mrs Flee."
The onion dip kid spat onion dip over the cake, probably improving the taste as the cake itself was cardboardic to say the least.
The only guest was onion... Read More
As I sit by the wood stove, with the wind howling all around our old house, I am toasty warm. However our water pipes to the upstairs shower, toilet and laundry room have frozen for the fifth time this year. This has rarely happened in previous years. The temperature is -27 C with the wind chill. So naturally I want to talk about the weather like the good Canadian that I am because it is a proven fact that discussing the weather is a national pastime. This sort of Canadian discussion is typically a combination of complaining and bragging all rolled into one rant!Read More
There are a lot of parents that may be wondering how they are going to entertain for their next holiday party. It's always a great time to get together with family, but the time spent together can be even better with entertainment. Anyone that has ever experienced a magic show will be amazed by how entertaining this can be. This is the type of Christmas party entertainment that is great for families with lots of children. Special occasions like this,as well as other events like birthdays, are perfect for magicians. These are the people that can truly change the atmosphere of any environment.... Read More
FOR GOODNESS SAKE STOP PUNCTUATING EACH OTHER! riginal.
The English lost the battle of Cornwall. Obviously if you construct your battlements out of corn wall what else would one expect? The old saying "build it and they will crumb". And they did.
Crummy attackers. As soon as Richard the Lyin' heart opened his mouth and chomped down on the corn cob foundation he knew how if he placed his merry men (seconded from Robin Hood who made Marion type out a 'lend' contract) at strategic 'eat' points the previously peaceful Castle of Cornwall could be taken without losing their appetites.... Read More
1. I hate scary movies. As soon as the music rises ominously, I start pacing. Once in a movie theatre, at The Lord of the Rings, I jumped and managed to throw quarts of popcorn in a 4? radius all around us. It landed in people’s hair, on their coats… everywhere. My husband has never let me hold the popcorn again.
2. I am the definitive bookworm. I read at least 5 books a week till I was 15, stopping only if I had too much homework to keep it up. My mother used to beg me on nice summer days to , “At least read outside!” Sometimes, to limit my late night reading, I have read perched on... Read More
All of Southern Ontario and Quebec was threatened with massive power outages on December 22 after 60 hours of freezing rain with most ot the 350,000 homes still without power on Christmas Day.The hardest hit area was suppose to be 40 minutes from us with a possibility of 4 cm-5 cm of ice build up which could be enough bring down power towers. How on earth was this the first days of winter?
Ah, yes…the joys of country living in Canada, True North Strong and Free and freezing cold. The reason we are free is because no sane person wants to fight us for the privilege of living here during... Read More
A cautionary tale for Yuletide
Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request... Read More
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