550 results for 'riginal'
REMEMBERANCE DAY?????????????????? riginal
Look! I've had a bad memory ever since I could remember. Let me re-phrase that. I've had a bad memory ever since I couldn't remember. Must have inherited it from my mother. She was so forgetful on her wedding day that she dropped her limo driver off at the front of the church and drove to a nearby pub for a quickie beer, and a ballsup on the ajacent billiard table in lieu of the take-away later trip to the swank reception centre next door to the aforesaid church. I wasn't there but my sister who was born out of deadlock prior to the wedding... (more)
THE GOOD THE BARD AND THE UGLY. riginal
Shakespearean devotees worldwide were astounded and delighted over a significant "find," a previously unseen manuscript by the Bard himself. It was authenticated by leading historian Prof. Brace Yoreself. His wife-Take a good damn look at Yoreself, trembled with excitement as she donned her gardening gloves to read the frail parchment to a worldwide audience via CNN.
Shakespeare's undying love for his silky-haired beagle was evident. These are the acclaimed poet's words verbatim. "Was staring out yon window of abode pon chill blustery... (more)
SMOKE AND MIRRORS...how times have changed. riginal
Hate smoking but if other people wanton to, or too wanton, or found wanting then I guess it's their final blow for independance and individuality. A case of got lung to go..or maybe not much longer to go? Spent six years in a truck passive- smoking with a guy who used to lock the electric window from his side for the first year or so...until I jammed a wood brace in the window as a subtle hint that I was feeling like a smoked clod. He used to tell me to stop inhaling and coughing as both of those bad habits annoyed him. Boss didn't... (more)
second episode 2012 JESUS AND GOD CHRONICLES. riginal.
God...... out of exasperation,having pestered implored and threatened humanity about peace -via a few storms- rings a Mayan sub-contractor. ( dials Maya hot line)"Mayan we be of service 24 hrs a day ummm could be 20 we can end the world in the year 2012 in Decemberic 'MAYBE' spurts and we WILL make a buck by extending the cut-off time to 'one day' in the future... pick your date and a date, (after we receive your cheque) or at least take a stab at it because we were just a stones throw down the road from stupidity and 'daze of... (more)
THE JESUS AND GOD CHRONICLES: EPISODE ONE. RIGINAL.
God enrols his somewhat confused, only begotten son, for a return gig to earth. The computer illiterate Jesus is troubled. As a payback favour to God the Monash University of Australia accepts the long-haired dissident on the merit of God's well- written essay, "my son gave his life so that ALL of humanity-not just pendantic bloggers and spell-checkers- could be afforded the opportunity to relent a little and ingest a small amount of humility from the humble- pie of life. BEFORE the "i went to uni look at ME unrelentational acidic... (more)
TO COIN A PHRASE riginal
I was smaller than the rest and jammed by circumstance in the midst of a disgruntled sweating mob. Some on edge, all impatient to get it over with. Several lay flat, motionless uncaring. I felt- and was- hated, no-one here chattered or moved unless accidently shaken. I smirked to myself. Who bloody cares.Whatever happens they would be sacrificed before me. My inner- confidence soared. I wasn't racist but denomination and color would ultimately send them down the chute first. They had already been weighed. I was lucky. Extremely lucky.
Click. A shaking... (more)
WHY ? CAN YOU CLEAR A QUESTION UP ABOUT GAY LIONS ANYBODY? riginal.
Honestly i'm a bit confused about animal gaiety? I'm not that smart. My history teacher once asked me in tech- school who or what was the Magna-Carta. I took a stab at it and replied hesitantly that the Magna-Carta is the guy who carts away your smashed up Magna hence- Magna Carta (in Australia we had a car called a Magna). Not quite sure if any Japanese Magnas floated your way? I was made to lie in a dark corner with a loser's hat on. I was going to say a Mitt Romney hat but Romney wasn't around when i was stupid.Don't... (more)
THE SECRET WORLD OF BOXING-BASHING- AND SEX BEHIND THE RING. bi best selling author bi- Bwian Thumpinuts.
If you're squeamish don't read on...especially women who have 'knock-down drag-out fights with their lesser halves. My name is Bwian Thumpinuts, ex-herpyweight champion from Adelaide (Australia). I beat Ard Knox from overseas 'Bash Straight' to clinch the duel 'Fairyweight -cum Herpyweight titles', culminating in the overall grand- slam title 'Adelaidian Mardi-Gra free- style- extra bang- for- your- buck- slap-happy- upyawz too- finger gougiing- tongue- biting- i'll kill ya ya piece... (more)
A LETTER FROM KING- KONG TO THE YOUTH OF THE WORLD riginal
Hi world. Look i know i haven't been in contact with you for some time kids but things have been a bit hairy. lol. What the hell does that mean? I'm a diabetic now and lollies are a no- no. Maybe it means lick own lily? If it does then i'm afraid i'll have to take a tongue- in- cheek check as the only Lily i know is three blocks from here. She's an ex-pole dancer of some 90 gears. By the time she gets through 89 of those her leaf's due for a dew change and a new felt filter.
Sorry, just purchased this computer and i meant... (more)
EPISODE THREE. PETER GRAVY FROM UPYAWZ NEWS HEADS OFF WITH BEAR GRYLLS.
Last episode giant croc was doing a death-roll in downtown Kenya with my camel sheet. Bear was eating a salad roll. I had my injured American Eagle under one arm and a toilet roll under the other. As i said earlier, i s...t myself. I'm not a coward so i did the only thing i could. Threw the injured Eagle at the croc to take its attention off my butt. But that's when all hell broke loose, along with my already loose bowels. The croc rolled the eagle back to me...i rolled the eagle to Bear...he rolled the eagle back... (more)