Thursday, February 21, 2019

Barbie Says

Credit: Captain
The Bay Area's Only Barbie Themed Restaurant

Get in touch with your inner Barbie at Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe

I accidentally stumbled upon this place around midnight after getting lost in Emeryville. (Don't ask. Just use your imagination.) Like a lighthouse in an ocean of asphalt and big box stores, Can't Fail Cafe beckoned me to the light of beer, barbecue and deep fried goodness.

Immediately I flipped a "U-ie" and tried to find parking: none! The place was packed. I could tell this was gonna be special.

I walked in and got my name on the wait list. I instantly noticed the wall of Barbies displayed in all of their crassness. Scarey Barbies, funny Barbies, sexy Barbies, trashy ones too. Tonight I identified with Vegetarian Divorce Barbie (ie: Silverlake Barbie), and looked for the most guilt free comfort food I could find on the menu.

Aha! There it was nestled between the meatloaf and the chili cheese fries. The Buffalo Tofu strips served with a side of cool ranch dressing.

Mmm mmm good!

The Caesar wasn't made from scratch, and I could tell it wasn't vegetarian, but anyone who reads my reviews knows I often times compromise my values for emulsified anchovy flesh. (Shrugs.) Go figure!

The lettuce was swimming in the dressing and within seven minutes the roughage went limp, but it was sure good while it lasted. (I've had a few dates like this if you know what I mean.)

This place served beer on the tap, and it's a total hipster hang out on account of the dollar beers after nine at night, with pretensions and all that goes with that.

Whether you are pierced eyebrow and sleeves Barbie, beer and cigarettes musician Barbie, or Philosophy student bicycle riding Barbie; we can all find something on the menu to feed our inner alter unobtainable ego at the Can't Fail Cafe.

See you there!

About the Writer

john robertson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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