Is it just me, or is there anyone else who is fed up with the latest trend that is making the rounds of advertising campaigns, ranging from wrinkle creams to city council seats? Here are some sample slogans:
"Don't get surgery! Try the new anti-wrinkle treatment developed by a mom!"
So by extension does this mean that if I break my arm, I should avoid the services of some over-priced, over-trained ER doctor, and just have my mother set it? After all, she's had years of practice feeding me chicken soup and kissing my boo-boos!
"In the upcoming city council race, there's a buzz surrounding one mom..."
What, are you kidding me? Doesn't she bathe? Even non-Moms, such as me, know that personal hygiene goes a long way in preventing flies from buzzing about a person.
All joking aside, my quibble is not with the exalted position of Motherhood itself, for if no one opted for the job, few of us would be here today. And I for one, would be most bereft without the comforting presence of the dear lady who ushered me into this life.
I do however take exception with the implication that a person possessed of an ovum that was the passive recipient of one of a random swarm of blind micro-swimmers is somehow magically endowed with superpowers that elude the rest of us.
Unless, of course this New Mommunism refers only to the hardy souls who overcome the odds and are possessed of the vast resources required to conceive artificially. I will concede that it does require much more effort to give birth via artificial, rather than conventional means.
But then again, what is so noble about someone who pours excessive funds into the already over-bloated medical-industrial complex, at the expense, and exclusion, of countless orphaned children already on the planet who daily go without food, shelter and most of all, the love of a family?
Perhaps the Mommunist Party is gaining momentum with the misguided notion that the maternal instinct, in addition to the care of one's own infants, can be channeled to benefit the rest of humanity. Please pardon me for pointing out that this so-called instinct isn't necessarily benign. Case in point, Susan Smith, who drowned her two tykes by locking them into her car and letting it roll into a lake. (On second thought, perhaps her special brand of maternal instinct would be useful in Iraq- Somebody call the State Department!)
Then there are those who seem to be enamored of the idea that women who have given birth are more 'connected' to the Earth, and are possessed of greater innate wisdom and respect for all other life forms. This flies in the face of a recent experience I had in Montecito, California (Home to Oprah Winfry, among others, and per capita one of the wealthiest communities on the planet).
I was approaching the entrance to a local park, when a Soccer Mommunist at the wheel of the largest Range Rover ever built, rudely pulled out of the drive and cut me off, in her haste, no doubt to get her darling tots off to their next structured activity. As I watched the orca-sized rear-end of her designer SUV speed from sight, I espied this slogan on the back bumper, "Need Less."
While, on the one hand, I can applaud any earnest attempts to live a greener life, here was one Mommunist who not only didn't walk the walk, or talk the talk, but expected everyone else do her bidding without her participation. Sorry Lady, but I think they need to revoke your Party Membership. So much for the Earth Mother...
As far as I can tell, Mommunism is doomed to failure, because the problem is that moms are only human, (just like the rest of us) and we all know what happens when humans are involved in anything.
Just as all the other short-lived trends that preceded it, from pet rocks to the Macarena, Mommunism will soon be passe. I am looking forward to whatever is set to take its place. Dadaism perhaps?