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by riginal (writer), moe australia, August 08, 2015

You've never been scammed, hacked, lost money out of your account now have you? Don't lie to me. NO! ummm...maybe you're a self employed hacker. Is social mania an incurable mental disease? :>)

DON'T YOU JUST GET P....D OFF? RIGINAL.

Was talking to a dear friend of mine overseas when i happened to mention how my computer had gremlinised (another word for morphed evil?) into a diatribeical (sick?) ever- changing flat faced insolent disobedient electronic wanker of a machine.

Only to hear that she too logs onto a site only to have it flick over to some bloody idiotic scamming induced alternative site. And don't try to tell me it's for the lack of maintenance and or AVG input. I won't have it. Simply because AVG does on occasion pop up and say stuff like "this site contains a bad omen" (sort of like a frustrated mangy dog minus a post, looking for somewhere to relieve itself). "Do you still want to go ahead and encourage a 'hack' so that an 'expert' has to be called in to untangle the virus we just told you was demonic but you decided to allow it anyway so what's the use of having us warn you when you flexed your sudden 'coked impulse' pinky and decided to go where we advised not to go but you had one can of coke too many in liquid form, then pressed 'welcome hacker what's up man?' The sender, on a day outing, possibly on a different gram genre of coke, having crawled out from under its rock, scuttles back down its nondescript scamming hole, giggling. Rubbing its feelers proud...bored."

Actually it just says, "warning, this site is danger, but go ahead, make an insect's day!" Something like that.

I'm wondering if the hackers with no knackers morph into the $100 plus an hour 'experts?' or, conversely employ these creatures to generate mayhem to enable the computer geeks to keep up the payment on their X-boxes? Though surely they can't all be paying their X's off. Maybe part of the separation included the kid's schooling to learn to become qualified hackers to follow in daddy geek's footsteps? Maybe these unsupervised kids are the hackers. Mum's out at the 'divorce party' but surely that's only a once a week thingy? Maybe these hackers, floggers, and lackers with no knackers, germinated themselves? Blog only knows what goes on once something smelly is flicked off the bottom of ones shoe.

Okay, that's enough about intrusion from alien spores. Although one site my mate was advised to contact looked so genuine regards "warning! you have been virused, contact our number immediately whereupon we'll charge you a couple of hundred (that's what my mate was charged) because the telco he usually gets to delete crap had its site copied exactly. Nearly. When the genuine telco checked it out there was one little genuine insignia missing that my friend overlooked. Miniscule really. But it cost him the maximum.

Friend buys something from China. $650 goes missing. Gets sorted though the banks don't really give a toss from what he told me, indeed, the onus seems to be on the ripped- off person to track down the perpetrator/s. And even then he didn't get the full amount back straight away. Bastards. Prior to this he lost a thousand withdrawn for example five $89.95 amounts in one day but the bank's busy so my friend had to chase it up and received an apology, the money was reimbursed just after his landlord, gas, electricity, water, and other non vital stuff and nuisances- rang. "Show me the money!" a general theme of conversation. Ahhh! but some Russian hackers were foiled by an alert on the ball government agency that can afford to jiggle their balls...stuff the ordinary Joe blow who gets seconded to the bank's fraud squad. But they're at lunch so "you ring back and...what was it about again? You'll have to ring the bank on Monday...in the meantime could you highlight all your legite transactions from the age of seven?...no! no! wait, the bank manager wants you to come down, pick up a free highlight pen, and highlight all the crooked transactions...gosh! No! no!...look! many many of our customers are starving...what makes you think you're so special that you want to jump our 'rort' line. NO! you can't talk to the manager, he's having a conference with his steak and vegies and will be busy after the gravy drain contacting his dumbass secretary, to tell her "should that nasty little man ring again put him on hold. Rude little man..."

All bastards aside, who have a stake in antagonizing their irritating customers; i was talking to an old guy who owns a big proportion of the town i currently live in until i win enough to get the bank to invest in a manner they see unfit for monetary consumption and somehow a hacker ends up with the bulk "but make no mistake if you ring back Monday which is a bank holiday our answering machine will tell you,"the bastards are having a bank holy day, God help you to help and nurture the fraud squad...forgive them for they know not what they do and will continue to do so a goodly time after the holy day."

Sorry...i digress. Old Bill unbeknown to me at the time, is a millionaire. He wears old clothes but he's a genius who never married. Maybe that's why he's a genius? I was going to give him $10 as i thought he was broke when i first met him. I'm pretty astute. I walked into 86- year-old-Bill's (he's smart as a whip) wrecking yard, demolition stuff purchased i reckon from Moses' great grandfather's old man . I started telling Bill about my mate and the trouble he's had with his bank of split enz. Expecting Bill to say,"serves himself right!" He didn't. He proceeded with a sigh, to berate his own bank. No kidding. They gave him a bank card. That's okay. They then inadvertently gave another chap a card with the exact same numbers. Several thousand dollars later Bill contacted the bank who apologized sincerely put the money back in his account pronto. You may say "impossible" but Bill doesn't own a computer nor does he lie, where money is concerned he's deadly serious. Anyone who isn't stupid enough to spend valuable time wasted on a gizmo that is fast becoming a hacking 'cough up sucker' joke and a money tree for geeks and or hackers, floggers of replica flog, and dogs looking for a post...they get my vote. Have to send it proxy though, just too damn busy writing to the fraud squad.

Sorry...the government. After all, when fraud rears its ugly head...who you gonna call? I'll bite...who? Don't get me wrong, even though i hate banks and their monetary appendages, at the end of a bank holy day...they still piss me off. And floggers don't tie the dag on the postless dog by saying you can fix computers so that they are fraud impregnable. Liars liars hacker's pants on fire. Pass the matches. :>)

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.