Friday, February 22, 2019

MOUNTIN' riginal.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, July 26, 2015

Sometimes one has to take a step back and look at the savage rabbit from a new perspective. No such thing as a rabbit proof fence.


Hello, my name is Prof. Why. I studied at the Uni and majored in why Social Media needs to be grabbed by the neck and given a jolly good shake until its entrails disgorge and people have to face the truth that it's fairy floss perpetuated by people with nothing better to do than reside in the medium of an analogy likened to the strains of a babbling brook regurgitating resplendent crass in the almost holistic belief that footy and Social Mania are the backbone of our reason for having a good time on the weekends by bashing each other over our team preference or conversely ear bashing each other via the ABC of life's politicians who have nothing better to do than kick each others balls in an attempt to beat around the bush with less than interesting diatribe so that numbnuts with liptops welded to their laptops can all intermingle for example over comments by the Pope that the world's in a mess and tree planting/hugging is a must if something concrete is to be done about the degradation of our pristine forests in lieu of the trees being mulched into soggy footy tickets and $2600 tickets to see and hear............... American stars waffle on about the declining forests being mulched into footy tickets and paper napkins so that people with $2600 to waste can wipe their chins after a 10 course slap up meal...slap each on the back...wipe gravy off their pants and espouse and berate each other socially for letting their kids borrow the 4x4 so that the uni students to be can wreck the countryside, tip over the borrowed after assaulting diff crunching boulders,get lost in the mountains,fall over flattened trees thus ending up being told off for destroying mother nature who frankly m' dear couldn't give a toss about herself because future uni students will do courses on how to re vegetate the planet with plastic 3D trees that drop their plastic leaves in wintertime. Why? How the hell should i know? I am a Bulldogs supporter and footy has not been kind to my club through their history but i believe in a few decades or so footy tickets will be recycled so that past games can be reviewed and much talked about. And with the grace of blog may the dogs take out the Grand Final which would and could be easily achievable should the opposing team's be sidetracked come finals time and receive free tickets to listen to American stars and talkback hosts hosting fundraisers about planting more trees via the availability of the Pope lending his 'chariot of the God's' Popemobile as a tree planting ute to enable the earth to survive.

However, hope living in is the reason i believe the Bulldogs will play a game one day against newly found aliens contacted on planets far away where ancient dried up footy fields and flat footballs will be proven to have existed since the beginning of time... on.Long live the dogs.

I have drifted...just like one of those damn footballs that somehow have magnets inside that repel against the goal posts...doesn't that want to make you want tear up your footy ticket and throw steaming hot pies at the guy chortling next to you who has just finished his recycled paper cup beer? However, this case i present to you is a strange one. The young beautiful lady lying on my shrunken shrink couch was sent by the dole office to be evaluated as to whether she should receive same in lieu of the fact she lives on a mountain top by herself with her pet ferret, 'Lonely.' Himself a self employed hermit on the dole, plus the young woman was receiving a carers pension under the ferret act of 1878 which states, "a hermit lady looking after a hermit ferret may indeed claim ferret allowance."

PROF: "Hi there young lady i have to evaluate your ability to receive the dole and also provide a case hole history for your ferret whom i notice has only three legs. Where did the other leg go? A hunting accident?"

LADY:" We were out picking mushrooms when my ferret fell over and broke its fourth leg after eating same to see if it was edible. Lonely started to see huge rabbits and fell off the mountain."

PROF:" Wait a minute...are you saying Lonely ate his fourth leg or the mushroom was perhaps an halluci rabbit genic or was there indeed a particularly savage hermit rabbit on the loose that savored ferret legs?"

LADY:" I can't remember...i think the rabbit attacked Lonely after a brief paws...what has that got to do with my being evaluated and discriminated against simply because i prefer living by myself and receiving a ferret carers top up and dole simply because i don't want to be social and quite frankly don't want to hang out with a pack of half shaven tele women who just blat on and giggle hysterically over anything remotely to do with much ado about nothing in particular than the size of women's butts, PM's that walk the halls of power up and down up and down backwards and forwards defending the indefensible and talking about why trees are more important than granting Gina a license to import and export people who will work for next to nothing and be quite happy to do so as long as they get to see the footy on the weekends and watch people falling off their $2000 bikes who really shouldn't have taken the 'trainers' wheels off. And people downloading apps so that they can rort peoples accounts and live the life of a three legged ferret that just ate mushrooms but being honest didn't download apps on its ferret phone to rip bunnies off so what i'm saying is why force Lonely and i to run the gambit of falseness running rife in the city of shame where pain is present and people kill each other and maim...and this is just in the tele make up room! You see i was a host on such a show. I just want to be with my ferret and live in my cave with reverse cycle cobwebs, and grow vegies grown in bear shit...not human excrement. In other words i don't want to be a groupie or socialize with a pack of idiots attending fund raisers for three legged ferrets and tree huggers. I just want to run free with my hobbling ferret. Perhaps fit Lonely up with a prosthetic 3D leg and an anti big savage rabbit deterrent...such as a PM rabbiting on."

PROF: So, you are happy to live on a mountain top though many men would love to take you and your ferret and put their arms around your five legs and cherish you. Are you sure you don't want to come back to normality and scratch other mountin' cougars eyes out over a man...roll round drunk with your ferret and attend Archie Balls art festivities, walking around with thick glassed wankers pulling their beards and saying things like, "in retrospect Archie's balls should have been done in oils...not drenched in watercolor and simmered. Far too obvious old chap...bordering on short...over the top old boy!"

LADY:" I just want to be alone with Lonely in the wild...a sort of mushrooming Mary Poppins...and on occasion popping out under a waterfall and enjoying watching my ferret bask in the sun. That's what i want. Will you grant me that? The right to chuck my mobile in my mountain flit from tree to tree...not have to text everybody on the planet. Not light up a ciggie and do a sex in the city or mountains take just because every other silly bitch on the planet has nothing better to do with their spare time. Am i wrong? Is Lonely to become a thee legged tele host? If you like you can come visit me on the weekends, are you happy with your shrink you not long for the great outdoors...running barefooted from the bear, angry because i pinched some of his bear shit?"

PROF:"All weekend?"

LADY:" Possibly longer...holidays too..."

PROF:" The ferret has its own bed?"

LADY:"Not mushroom, but yes...he sleeps gets cold up there."

PROF:" In the mountains?"

LADY:" No,up in the crevice of his missing leg."

PROF:" I'll just sign the papers and you can be on your assured, you may continue to live the life of Larry...ummm Lonely. I'll hike up next weekend...perhaps we could go mushrooming and scare up a rabbit?"

LADY:"Lonely would that. One must remember Prof. In the beginning rabbits ran right round the country...then they settled down in Canberra and started running it!"

PROF:"Can't wait for the hell with the city and Burke and Wills...all they did was create work and bills..."

LADY:" Exactly...i'll rush home and wash Lonely...and thank you Prof'll love the bush."

PROF:" Ahhh...where the eagles dare..."

There's no moral...each to his/her own...but at the end of the day, what does one end up owning? A mountain of debt? :>)

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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4 comments on MOUNTIN' riginal.

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By riginal on August 13, 2015 at 03:18 pm

New York bakery case...? Or basket case? Born and bread in New York? Guess everyone has to earn a crust? :>)

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By Ism Help on August 21, 2015 at 08:34 am

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By riginal on August 21, 2015 at 07:10 pm

Ism you um got any helpum my pleasureum but wheredoes the road to your floggimend um? :>)

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