THE 'NOBEL' TRADESMAN. RIGINAL.
Scene: The year 2014. Many thousands gather to pay their respects and admiration to Tony the plumber who is touted by the bookies as an 'odds on' plumber to take out the 'Nobel plumbers' award by sheer dent of the fact that he actually turned up...in 2O14...the year of the leaking tap dancing, plunger wielding, slightly interested plumber.
Speaker:"And the winner of the not highly sought after"I'll ring you back be right round in a couple of weeks,missus just had a baby,not feeling that great myself as i had to fix my wife's plumbing in prep for the little bub, getting the nursery set up, tied up but rest assuredly as my wife's labour pains were real i'll get back to you. REAL Soon. If you have an emergency Arthur my plumber apprentice will ignore you because he smashed his ute rushing to an emergency. His!
Arthur's shopping trolley range fully loaded may or may not encompass your district but if it is an urgent call ring Arthur anyway and if your job estimate calculated by your good self is somewhere in the $6OO range and beyond which is enough to pay for the damage on Arthur's ute he'll make an effort. Arthur's missus co-incidently has just had a bub, and me and Arthur are having a drink to celebrate so Arthur can't or indeed won't break the law by speeding to your place pushing a shopping trolley full of his gear whilst pissed. If it's really really urgent ring Arthur's mum who is out buying nappies and she may stroll by and have a quick look and report back to Arthur who is now quite inebriated so he probably can't attend but if you are paying cash Arthur's mum who doesn't drink could possibly push Arthur's trolley containing Arthur and his plumbing tools round for a quick 'temporary fix' if you have a major leak or blockage. Arthur can also tell over the phone by the gurgling/gushing noise and hysteria if you have an emergency deemed URGENT! Of course Arthur's mum will require some remuneration as nappies just don't grow on trees. Although Arthur's ute did. Thank you for calling we'll get back to you but if your call is very very very urgent there's a DIY book on plumbing at Wallmart that can be rolled up and taped round a persistent leak.
Any problems ring Arthur who is now 'out of it!' and over the moon over his first born. If there's no answer ask round the neighbourhood if anyone has seen Arthur as he just rolled off in his shopping trolley to buy some more 'internal' adhesive, as it's not every day you have a child or indeed attend an emergency call, for example, a busted pipe. How did you manage to break it anyway? (music/drums/baby cries/shuffle/ tearing of envelope,) ...winners are the dual duo plumber strummers from tap dance blockage city Tony and Arthur!" (applause as a cheque is handed over plus a gold radiator new front end replacement tires for the bald type which blew on Arthur's emergency call ...and a box of nappies. (applause) Tony how do you feel?"
TONY:" Bit tired really. Baby been leaking all night, Arthur couldn't be here tonight as he's out on an emergency call. He ran out of grog. I would firstly thirstily personally like to thank all those people whom i'm going to drop in on unexpectedly and appreciate their many threats over our high prices and nil attendance.But as they say 'plum in mouth' tradie talk," Our suckers...sorry customer's come burst...sorry...first! " Sure! Tradesmen ain't quite that bad,usually they're a hell- of- a- lot worse! And their prices? Make a newborn baby cry?
But they're a noble lot!