Sunday, February 17, 2019

The Village of the damned licorice. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, November 17, 2013

Allsorts of people live in allsorts of places have a think about it or at least spare a thort.


The odd couple indeed. Mr Thort ,tall and and reed slim. The locals said he was older than his dog. They never ever saw the dog- heard its wolf-like ancient howl, assumed it was old. Mr T's 'friend' Ms Think was short square and roughly half the age of Thort...or so the villagers thought.Granny May the village gossip said- but not nastily- in between knitting licorice for the school fete (there was no school,due to a fateful fire) that the pair were "up to no good." Actually the whole village of Allsorts was up to no good. Their teeth were no good due to eating licorice allsorts all day. There was no school so someone had to eat the licorice jumpers GM was knitting for her imaginary fete. Otherwise the village of Allsorts would all sort of look strange.I mean Granny wouldn't stop knitting as it was her vocation. No-one wanted to tell the Dutch lady she was knitting in vein. The local licorice eating doctor managed to stop her from knitting in her veins for varicose reasons, for that reason alone. Granny started knitting Dutch windmill vanes but no-one had a windmill, besides, licorice vanes didn't turn in the wind...mainly due to the fact that the locals were eating them. They indeed got the wind up! Am i boring you? This is the strange part. Not one person had the decency to tell the slightly deaf sprightly lady that she was knitting for sh...t. A young uneducated boy let it slip one day though. Remember there was no school,so how could he be educated? The local farmers who grew and tended the new born licorice said nothing, they didn't want to end up out of a job and sit chewing licorice and exchanging black grimaces. So the little boy walked straight up to Granny one day and slipped into her ear his black tongue and whispered "you silly old moo you're knitting for sh...t!"

Granny pulled her licorice six gun out,barked "you feelin' licky punk?...well do ya?" She cocked the gun spared the boy washed his black mouth out with licorice and made the lad repeat one thousand times" i must not stick my black tongue in Granny's ear no sh...t." That little boy went on to a uni down the road in Georgia, never again swore or stuck his tongue in ears or whispered ever again because whispering is rude. The lad's calling? He became a shouting 'licorice whisperer.' Wild out of control licorice stampeding/galloping down the the farmer's licorice paddocks calmed when the uni kid called out "desist you wild licorice allsorts or i'll cut you up into licorice straps down at the local licorice knackery...make no bones about it!" Notice i said CALLED OUT you see whispering is rude. You could get a licorice six-gun shoved up your hooter. Actually he wasn't a licorice Whisperer he was a licorice SHOUTER OF SORTS...of allsorts at fact he shouted the local no- teeth blacktoothed fairies free licorice. The fairies were unemployed as nobody in the village had any teeth left to put under their licorice pillows (granny did pillows also on the side after she realized she was knitting for!). Forgot to mention at the start that this piece of licorice crap was a story for kids and a warning not to eat too much licorice or their teeth and tongue will go black and fall out. Mind you it might pay to whisper that to them while holding on to their tongues.Rude as it may be.

Back to the strange main story about Mr Thort and his 'friend' Ms Think.

THORT:"Did you put our none-existent dog out Think?"

Ms THINK:"No dear come to think of it i thought you did?"

THORT:"I didn't give it a second thought but when i think about it i should have done so without thinking but as i said the thought Think never entered my mind,pretty damn thoughtless of me don't you think Think?"

Ms THINK:" It's the thought that counts dear...don't even think about it. Are you going to howl like a wolf at the moon tonight so that the village of the damned licorice thinks we have a werewolf whirring around n' around to keep at bay door- to- door excess Granny May licorice jumper sellers ?"

THORT:" Naah dear let's turn in early...would you like a piece of fresh jumper licorice?"

Ms THINK :" A penny for your allsorts dear but i'm going to have to put on a licorice jumper, it's getting chilly! would you like a bite?"

THORT :"Yes indeedy i would but let's not make a habit of it."

Ms THINK:(rude whisper)" I've got a really bad habit sitting in the draw Granny May knitted it as a one off...would you like to try it on?"

THORT:" Will we end up in a draw?"

Ms THINK:"Not if you go first...! But don't whisper it's rude!"

THORT:"Shhhhhhh! mmm! beats chewing licorice...although Granny May..."

FOOTNOTE: A licorice statue of Granny May stands proud in the middle of the damn Village of the damned. The inscription on the bottom of the statue bottom is the point. "BITE ME! YOU FEELIN' LUCKY PUNK...WELL DO YA!"

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

0 comments on The Village of the damned licorice. RIGINAL.

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us