Saturday, February 16, 2019

Mixed Emotions

by LifeCherries (writer), South Africa, October 20, 2013

I found out I am going to me a Grandmother today. Started with feelings of joy and then the reality set in and find it is having a huge emotional effect on me.

I found out today that I am going to be a Grandma. Firstly I must stress that I still have quite a few years to go before I'm 50. I feel 38! The news is still sinking in.

I am suffering from shell shock.

I knew Son no 1 and his wife were trying for a baby. They have been trying for quite a few months now. In fact I made a comment to Hubby after dance class on Tuesday that I had a gut feel she was pregnant. So none of this should come as a surprise for me.

I cried when they told me earlier today. I cried with joy. It is amazing news. The best news ever! I am THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON EARTH.

They have not had it officially verified by a doctor or a blood test yet, but took quite a few pregnancy tests this morning. All were positive.

They came over for lunch today. It wasn't a planned lunch and a spur of the moment thing. I was making pizzas and called them to invite them over for a quick lunch. They arrived about 10 minutes later. We made pizza's and sat down for tea afterwards when they broke the news.

And then they went home. I had an afternoon nap. And then I woke up to feeling a little like I wanted to run away. A lot like I wanted to run away.

How can I be a Grandma. At this time in my life. At a time when I want less responsibility. Not more. A time where I am feeling so good about myself. I should be the happiest Mother ever. And I am.

I am also the most scared person on earth at the moment.

Scared of not being there emotionally for them. I find it hard enough to deal with what's on my own plate at the moment. I am enjoying the person I am right now. I am enjoying new challenges. A new me. I sometimes feel like I am starting to see glimpses of me again. Me under the mother, the wife, the lover, the nurse, the nanny, the cook, the cleaner, the being everything to everyone.

I feel so selfish right now. Do these feelings make me a bad mother. A bad person.

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Rediscovering myself, my life and finding ways of challenging myself to try new things.
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4 comments on Mixed Emotions

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By riginal on October 20, 2013 at 08:31 pm

Congratulations to all, Don't let strife pass you by. You are the lynch pin, the head honcho, the brick wall, the anchor, and best of all..."let's drop the baby off at mum's,we've done all the hard work and mum has all the experience.Been there by 4? Obviously she'll have to stop napping and start knitting." Even if you don't knit you're obviously a close- knit family. Cheers girl.Best of luck.Enjoy.

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By Credo on October 22, 2013 at 07:31 am

Great post, great topic...

As we all know, life is an expandable venture, it is an ever changing spirit, and we all must learn to grow with those changing times. There is nothing wrong with your feelings of doubt and self preservation, it's really natural for a mother to experience such apathy during these moments of change and uncertainty.

But in time we all step out of our comfort zones like caterpillars stepping out of their cocoons to discover a new and wonderful life as a butterfly. You will be enjoying your God sent angel to be sure. I know you don't see it now but it will be fantastic, it will be a life that you wouldn't trade for the world.

I am grateful and appreciative for your insightful post, it gives us a greater awareness of what a woman and a mother feels during such life altering moments.

You will be, a great grand mother; Your children told on you when they came over unannounced to break the good news, they knew your were a good mother.


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By LifeCherries on October 22, 2013 at 08:56 am

Hi Credo

Thank you so much for the kind words. Being a mother is not the easiest task in the world and a tiring one as well. A few years break in between being a mother and then a grandmother would be great but I am obviously not going to have any such luck.

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By Katrina Lowrey on October 31, 2013 at 04:53 pm

I was a very young grandma with children still at home and wasn't sure how I'd deal with it, but nature is wonderful and once you hold that little one in your arms instict takes over.

I'm in my early 50's and have 13 grandchildren now. Grandchildren are the reward for letting your children live through their teens.

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