Saturday, February 23, 2019

Emily Hotchspank ... foundher of W.A.S.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, April 29, 2013

Credit: free.
Me? Obnoxious?

One woman's fight against wantin' man and his grotty gorilla tactics!


Sheer bloody outrage! To the third decimal willy. DO NOT read on if you're a female that believes men have a useful position on earth. As a doorstop or a gobstopper maybe.

An Aussie 'gob stopper' is a round sweet that you can suck, providing one (I said ONE!) with AMPLE confectionary pleasure via sugary ingestification which in inordinate amounts will kill you. Rather that girls, than to have 'hairy Harry' all over one (or all three!)

YUK! like a pollie's promise; all BANG no bucks..."buck with us we'll drive you nuts!" My gobstopper which is fermenting in my gob as I rant...has no relation. NO relation at all to the 'pay night' "thanksgiving" even if the said participants ARE entwined in that 'over- promoted' bedlam with the lampon spotlighting that craziest reason for a couple to entwine and YUK! Slurp, lurk, lever, thrust, ram n sham - culminating in the essence of sharing and caring.

What a dreadful bed full excuse for banging the dust mites out of the Doona! And destroying your mammary...memory pillow! That singe...thing...called love. All things starting with farts and M are wicked! Do you hear me girls? Wicked wicked wackered. J

ust thought I'd throw a wack in. The thought of which thoroughly disgusts me and makes me want to burn my kero lamp at full wick and toss kero on some other wicked wicks to watch them suffer! If you ARE a wanton woman who believes that those willy shaking wantin' foul creatures called MEN carrying their foul underpinnings with stealth and deceit ready to land on your 'private hair field' is WRONG then you must contribute to my organization! W.A.S.! Women Against Sex!

It is my 94th birthday tomorrow and I'll be celebrating with a dab of prune juice in my ferret moonshine strained through a clean pair of my best selling "all the rage on e-bay" mint-flavoured see- thru jockstraps. Why see-thru i hear you ask?

If you were a MAN girls (please check your ID or your DIY manual/auto before reading further) I'd say, "listen numbnuts! without a see-thru- spout you'll spill ferret moonshine all over your excuse for manhood!

I hear some of you girls tittering to yourselves (cut it out your nipples will get red raw and fall off) saying, "golly Ms Hotchspank you're hard on men.!"

Don't you girls realize that the the implementation and the rampant 'hard on' is exactly why I formulated W.A.S.! Was you there was yews? Were W.A.S. girls wearing W.A.S. T-shirts walking hand-in-hand to support me when I ran for a SPOT in Congress? NO!

Spot the dog, as a result of your non-attendance sadly got run down by a sausage truck...but she didn't gristle as the medics de-spotted/treated the injury. Namely Spot, wrapped up in the grill of said truck with a fanny belt wrapped round her water pump.

Repat. Spot had to be screwed on the truck's bonnet to become a hood ornament. She was paid in sausages which supplemented her returned War pump dog service with a tightened fanny belt, free pubic transport, and free movie tickets to "Spot the silly W.A.S. Dog running into the sausage truck pre-bonnet ornament" movies.

Made into a series co-starring Bruce Silliarse. 'Die- Hard-one sausage', 'Die-Hard-Two-sausage'...'Die Hardly Three Slightly shrivelled Suck sausage'... 'Suck sausage three' was a flop. My staunch former stamp licker re-tightened her belt, did all her own stunts. The villian was coming at Spot in a hit-and run getaway sausage truck. De ja vu?

Made mince meat of Spot. Spot got screwed off the bonnet. Went on to become a regular on the front page of 'XXX Dogs Dinner' as a topless sausage roll playmeat of the month.Spot fell in love with,married a wealthy MAN sausage dog. Had a litter. Got booked for littering at the local Barker Egg Hospital, got divorced...ended up in a sleazy sausage nightclub as a meat-wrap fire-breathing lap dog moonshine ferret juggling entertainer!

Girls, you may be thinking, this vindictive old ferret moonshine drinker is just a whinging old witch that hasn't got any and not likely to get. Well,you're wrong! I was approached to model nude for 'Truck Stop.' Truckie's took one look at my rewound undergrowth. Stopped! Chased me down route 66 on their ride-on mowers.

I was a pin-up on a German bombing mission in the second world whore. They just finished pinning me up in the bomb cage thingy when I smelt a rat. The rat left but the smell remained. After I found out I was going to be dropped on the German town of Flatittsnocrutch. Which is what I would have ended up with had I not disengaged my bum...bombsight and hid behind my nearby bush, which had just recently been mowed down by a truckie from ruckstop en route 66.

Girls I have three members currently financial in W.A.S. Lady Moonshine Ferret. Ms Spot (I miss the spot all the time) and Lady Ga Gargle! She has to gargle! She drinks Ferret's Moonshine! If I could just get a foot in the door of your lateral thinking girls? Or am I too lat?

If I had my way I'd round up every man on this planet. Drink gallons of Ferret Moonshine and, without Ga Gargling I'd kiss them all one-by-one and make them pay for their sins. And I do charge! Before yews girls jump willy nilly and go silly in bad tonight remember...if you want freedom from willy, drink 'Ferret Moonshine'.

You see this is an ad for my new high caf lo ferret drink which will make you feel like a new man, woman...or frisky ferret! I have to ferret around for funds to finance W.A.S. Abstinence doesn't grow on trees you know! Although its been a while since I've seen a pregnant tree? Mightn't be Spot on? cheers...

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

2 comments on Emily Hotchspank ... foundher of W.A.S.

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Barbara MacDonald on April 30, 2013 at 01:49 pm

Oh they need to move to Fucking, Austria...yes this is actually a name of a small town there...

I know about this as my middle daughter use to live in Austria...

too funny my friend...:-)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By riginal on April 30, 2013 at 02:21 pm

You make me laugh with your comments Barb. Unfortunately i have a few more rants of Emily's up.You know the woman who says those silly things about flergun gergan herring circus etc in the Golden Girls? should have written her scripts. I really can't afford to go to the doctor so i'll just have to keep laughing. cheers...girl.

 Report abuse

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us