It is a ROLL of the Dice....It is a Spring in a leap--that is a Leap of a YEAR--and stuck like a sticky blob of spit-out and used up chewed piece of BubbleGum--just pink--Glued to the Epicenter of my Central Nervous System are the Words....a Question?--or a Comment--or a STATEMENT made by a less than perfect stranger over a year ago....but his words echo more freshly than last weeks waves--there I was--rocking his lap like a boat in the midst of the turbulent sea--just doing my dance as he questioned my so-called:: 'nationality' and he said: NO WAY--Really?--but you're TOO Pretty to be a Jew!--and so...Time Froze....do I or do I NOT keep dancing--that is the question--when every bone in my wiry body turns to the Ice of an Alaskan Glacier....and now as I leap forward into yet another year--I do not know for sure....whether or not I am better now than the year before--but I do know--it would--in the name of Ghandi--take way more than merely a single day of solemn self-deprivation in all its holiness--to absolve MY sins....;) WELL....here walks in a customer....just--Not Mine--so silently I Recline FORCED by Boredom--into a state of creativity--if there is NO DANCE--what then?--but DRINK or SMOKE or NAP or WRITE....as I thank a colleague for her courtesy of going out to get me RUSSIAN CHOCOLATE...I just don't have access to RussianChocolate in my town--must be hidden in the Caves of Brooklyn! (Taking a Break to grab my Patron--courtesy of the ONLY man at the bar--currently)--and after almost Three Years of Dancing in...Less than Bikini....I STILL--have to force myself to EXHALE ten times in a row--to keep my fingers from clenching and my face from turning APPLE RED--as NewComers pronounce my name like it is some sort of Chemical Corpo Junk Perfume Bottle--and EVEN though they say it all pretty accented and Frenchy--it is still just Not Right--so in order to clarify I Question: Have You EVER in all of your LifeTime thus far--Ever Heard--The New Year Blessing in Hebrew--when Summers Winds Wrap Up--and the cool night air begins to awaken our bones--Septemberish--you hear it every year--every New Year--so I clarify--though not quite FRENCH....and not in a glass bottle....and not sold at MACYS....you say MY NAME--like you say the New Year Blessing--just--Minus the 'Tovah'....after which I receive strange looks--as I stumble upon the Epiphany--that there are Americans existing in 2012 that have lived over 4 or 5 decades and STILL are unfamiliar with the delightful sound--like Chimes dancing in celebration of the Breaking through of a New Season--of the Jewish New Year Greeting. And More so than Any Other Question--men at this Adult Lounge have asked me to reveal my so-called:: 'Nationality'....and like a Queen over the Socratic Obstacle-Course--I somehow manage to jump through over and around their questions--and hopefully not upset management in the process--by being so-called:: 'Unsociable'--as I boomerang questions right back to their source. And so at the same place but at different times and varying hair colors--I have at some point or another--been thought to have come from: All Around the World--even with the reality being that I have never once spent a single night outside of AMERICA....before coming to work today--I removed The Star of David that had adorned my throat the week before--I left it on my desk--almost hesitantly as if asking my soul to wait for me until I return--so not to obliterate the Element of Mystery--so that it will yet be left unspoken--what I am or what I am not--and that is a question of self-searching I can not answer--though between NOW and the Day of Atonement--I can only hope in all Awe and Reflection--to know a little bit more about what I am Not--for by discovering more of what I am NOT--perhaps I will move one line and circle closer in....on this Dart-Board of The Sport of Life--towards the Universal-Epicenter of what I AM--and so the Inner-Conflict has PEAKED as though Lightning split through my Emotional-Intelligence::inventing Two Distinct Paths and Two Distinct Options--either I wear my Star like Madonna--owning the feeling of being Holocaust-Branded for life and through death--OR--I put my soul back in its drawer--open my ears to the music of this generation even when the sound is more like a screech than a symphony--and I go a little blonder--pretending I am just another number of a woman freshly shipped from Russia--either sealing my lips and looking down like mind trapped in a Hiding-Place--stuttering before uttering: I AM a Jew
CREATIVE - MEMOIR
Copyright © 2010 SHANNAH SCHILIT
GOT APPLES? Honey Up That--add a little spice too!
Entering Into The Days of Awe--from the Feast to the Fast
Copyright © 2010 SHANNAH SCHILIT
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