Wednesday, February 20, 2019

You're Single For A Reason

by Simpanique (writer), , January 01, 2012

Credit: Why are you single?
Why are you single?

Why are you single at this time in your life?

One of the hardest things for me to accept is I create my own outcomes, whether I like them or not, my failures, as well as my successes.

I swore when I got married it would be for life; yet I’ve been married and divorced once. I wish it were different, but that is the reality I must accept about my life, and since I made my relationship choices, I can’t blame my ex, my mother, father, or anyone else for my outcomes.


I strongly believe in taking ownership for my life, choices, and outcomes, so much so that I call it The Most Important Relationship Skill. While my actions and choices largely determine my outcomes, as silly and incongruous as it might be, I also believe in “fate” or “destiny,” that things happen as they’re meant to happen. This force can also be called, “The Law of Attraction,” which helps me to embrace and accept “what is,” believing I’m exacting where I need to be, going where my life purpose needs to go.

I don’t believe in chance or randomness. Things happen for a reason. When something happens I don’t like (divorce, car accident, etc.) I’ve found if I ask myself, “What’s the purpose or reason for this event?” I can always come up with one pretty easily, especially if I’m honest with myself. And darn it, the answer always seems to be something I need to learn, something the Universe is trying to teach me, that I’m resisting. As RCI coach LeAnn O’Neal says, “Each painful moment is opportunity for new expansion.” I’ll try to remember that next time…


After 46 years on this planet, I finally “got” that “what you resist, persists,” and learned to examine and accept life’s lessons. My attitude used to be, “I know” and “I can handle it” and “I have it under control” (hey, at least it wasn’t, “It’s their fault” and “Why me?” and “I deserve it!”). Now, my attitude is a little more humble, such as “What do I need to learn?” and “What’s the reason or purpose behind this?”

I’m very clear now that my outcomes are determined by how I show up, which is largely driven by my attitudes. What’s inside shows up on the outside and what I’m thinking becomes reality, so I must monitor and make conscious choices about what I allow my thoughts to focus upon. Wow, not only do I need to take responsibility for my actions, I have to own the consequences of my private thoughts and beliefs!


If you’re single and would prefer to be in a fulfilling relationship, I’m playing with the idea that the most important coaching question for you is “Why are you single?”

“Why” doesn’t mean “What happened?” or “Whose fault is it?” In this case, “Why” refers to big picture questions such as, “What is the purpose or reason for you being single at this time in your life?” and “What do you need to learn that is getting in the way of your relationships?”


If you’re single and want a life partnership, what are the major life learnings or lessons that must be mastered before you can find your soul mate and live happily ever after? Here are five possibilities that occur to me:

1. Heal old wounds (emotional baggage)

2. Learn relationship skills (we’re not born with a manual)

3. Learn to accept responsibility for your life, needs and outcomes

4. Identify and change unproductive habits and patterns

5. Identify and change unproductive attitudes and beliefs

As I review the above honestly, I can see the things my divorce helped me to learn. As I look back on all the events that happened in my life that didn’t go the way I wanted, I can see they all happened for a reason related to one or more of the above I needed to learn.

To paraphrase Jim Rohn, “Life doesn’t give you want, need, or expect; Life gives you what you need to learn.”

So, if you’re single and reading this, why are you single at this time in your life? What do you need to learn to find and have a fulfilling relationship? I sincerely hope your answers to these questions lead you to the life and love that you really want.

About the Writer

Simpanique is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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5 comments on You're Single For A Reason

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By XX_BenDover_63XX on February 23, 2012 at 09:15 pm

its quite obvious why you are single, look at your profile picture

you look you got in and epic fight with a forklift and when it was done with you, it excreted boiling oil on your face.

also brush your teeth

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By Simpanique on February 23, 2012 at 10:08 pm

You going bye-bye Ben

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By XX_BenDover_63XX on March 01, 2012 at 04:03 pm

where is bye-bye? i have spent several centuries exploring the outermost regions of skyrim and the nether and yet i have never heard of this place. or perhaps it can be found 18.4 meters south of my ghetto (i have never been there). please give me directions and i will be happy to comply. FRIEND =D

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By TonyBerkman on March 01, 2012 at 04:36 pm

xx it is 18.6 meters .... no wonder you haven't found it

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By Dan_The_Man on March 05, 2012 at 06:23 pm

Tony mate i think it is more like 18.9 meters. Im not really sure you even know where it is.

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