Thursday, March 21, 2019

Don't ever underestimate the power of denial

by Christine M Biereth (writer), New York, March 15, 2007

I've been spending my time shopping for a life I don't even have.

...And then it hit me; I've been spending my time shopping for a life I don't even have.
My closet is full of close that I'll never be able to fit into; "But, when I loose those extra 10 Lb they'll look amazing on me!.
I have dresses for parties I'm not gonna attend.
Shoes for outfits I can't afford.
My apartment is full of books I'll never read; "But, if I did, I'd certainly be the smartest and most literate person at the party!"- That I'm never gonna be invited to. Mainly, because I'm too busy working a job I don't even like, so I can afford the clothes I can't fit into, for the parties I'm never going to experience, residing books I've never read.
I have a gym membership I've never used.
Four "weight loss" DVD's that are all still unwrapped.
I have a multiple jars of vitamins I always forget to take and a book full of "healthy nutritious meals" that I've put in storage- cause I don't cook.
A year ago I bought a Juicer that's still in it's packeting. A blender for protein shakes, I instead use for frozen drinks.
I own a decades supply of make up. Every imaginary color of eye shadow, lipsticks and blush I've never opened, cause I don't go anywhere.
I have five different and very cute bathing suits for trips I'll never take.
A box of expired "white strips" I'd been saving for a special occasion that never came.
In the left draw of my desk there's two packs of "Nigorette"- gum, a "stop smoking" CD in my discman. I have a month supply of Negotine patches in my bathroom and a box of "no more smoking" organic tea on my kitchen counter.
My teeth are stain yellow, but if I don't smoke I'll just gain more weight and then I'll never fit into the pants I've never fit into in the first place. Instead, I smoke even more to overcompensate I guess- and I just smile less hoping that nobody will notice.
I've been shopping for a life I don't even have, trying to live up to the girl I never was. Wishing to be the woman I'll never become.
By not wanting to face reality, I've been spending money I don't have. Kissed boys I didn't like, applied for jobs I wasn't qualified for-then had the audacity to be upset that I didn't get it.
I light up another cigarette to curve my urge to order a large pepperoni pizza from Rays. I wonder why in crises I turn to cheese and why I don’t have anything to wear for my friend Gingers birthday party tomorrow. Note to self; Next time when buying "skinny close"- throw in a couple of "10" for good measures If I actually had close I could fit into, I wouldn't be confined to my apartment, wasting my time feeling bad about the things I don't have, watching bad TV full of fourteen year olds portraying thirty giving out an ideal impossible to live up to. Feel like an idiot cause I should know better- maybe I have a book about that somewhere .
I'm too smart to be this stupid!

About the Writer

Christine M Biereth is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on Don't ever underestimate the power of denial

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By LaurenK on October 15, 2011 at 12:38 am

Great article Christine.

The Dalai Lama was surprised by humanity for this very reason:

"Man...sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

I think we all live in denial at times...I guess its important to appreciate who we are at the moment and what we've got right now :)

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By Credo on September 19, 2013 at 02:15 pm

Not being able to take action is usually the first sign of living in personal denial. I've been their, done that....

Before we can escape the clutches of denial we have to alter our mind set concerning how we feel about ourselves and the world around us. Usually we are depressed about the rut that we have fallen into and allow that depression to dominate our actions and destroy our motivations.


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By Wera88 on May 07, 2014 at 12:10 am

Ok it is interesting with pozycjonowanie stron

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