Monday, March 18, 2019

Can We Get More Cell Phone Legislation?

by Gary Schwind (writer), Laguna Niguel, August 29, 2008


This writer thinks the state of California hasn't gone far enough and proposes some cell phone legislation he would like to see.

We've had a few months of the hands-free cell phone law here in California. I'm not here to weigh in on whether it's a good or bad law. It does not really affect me one way or the other because I barely use my phone enough to justify keeping it. However, I'd like to propose that we broaden the legislation regarding these devices that seemingly have become the most important thing in the lives of people everywhere. Here are my proposals for further cell phone legislation.

Give citations to Bluetooth guy. Yes, I know that Bluetooth (or some other hands-free device) is required for the car. This legislation wouldn't be for the person who only uses Bluetooth in the car. This is for the person who has a Bluetooth permanently attached to the ear. You know who you are. If you want to use it in the car, great. When you use the device to show how important you are (like you can't miss a phone call even when you are at the grocery store buying beer), you are not fooling anyone. I say we start giving citations to Bluetooth guy, just for being Bluetooth guy.

Ban the "Am I on TV now?" phone call. You know this phone call. This is the call made at a sporting event (normally a baseball game because baseball is the only game slow enough to make such a thing possible). It usually consists of a person blathering away on a cell phone and then occasionally waving to the camera. I've never been the recipient of this call (thank goodness for that), but I'll play the part.

"Hello? Oh, hi Joe. The ballgame? Yeah, I've got it on. Yep, you're on TV now. There you are right behind home plate. Yep, I see you waving. Yes, you're on TV. Hey Joe, since you're at the ballgame, why don't you...I don't know, watch the game instead of calling me to ask if you're on TV?" Click.

Can we get rid of the cell phone at concerts? Stick with me on this one. I'm not suggesting that we ban all cell phones at concerts. I propose that we eliminate the waving of cell phones in place of lighters. Yes, I realize that the cell phone is a readily available light source. I also realize that here in California, a lot of people choose not to smoke. So instead of a lighter, they have a cell phone. At least lighters look cool, even if they are really cliche. To me, nothing is less rock and roll than holding up your BlackBerry when the band plays your favorite tune.

Eliminate the concert phone call. What's the point of this phone call? Like you're actually going to give your friend the concert experience by holding up the phone so the friend can get a sample of the show. Being there and hearing a snippet over the phone are hardly the same thing. I have never been on the receiving end of this phone call either. I do know that if I ever am, it will be a very short conversation indeed. Again, I will play the role of the guy receiving this phone call.

"Hey Bob. Yeah, I know where you are. You're at the concert. No, really you don't need to hold up the phone so I can hear it. Oh there it is, my favorite song from this band. Yeah, Bob. Thanks for calling to remind me that you're at the concert and I'm not. Jerk." Click.

So there you have it. As long as we've started with the cell phone legislation, let's keep the ball rolling. These are some very simple ways to legislate cell phone usage and make the world a better place.

About the Writer

Gary Schwind is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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