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Monday, October 23, 2017

213 results for 'relationships'

How to Talk to Your Wife

By alan handwerger, published on Dec 8, 2009

My wife hates the telephone. She’s been known to dive under the couch when she hears the thing ring.

“Lorrie … hon, it’s your mother.”

“t’llr ll callrr back” – which is what ‘tell her I’ll call her back’ sounds like when spoken from under a couch.

I’ve never understood Lorrie’s aversion to the phone. She’ll gladly exchange hundreds of words at a time with people on-line. Says she likes the opportunity to reflect before she responds.

Me, I spend most of my days in solitary confinement, writing these stories. And after so many hours of measuring my each and every... (more)

Tags: humor, marriage, relationships, short story, telemarketers

Older vs. Younger

By TheGuysPerspective, published on Dec 7, 2009

...have socked away some money. Unless of course he's divorced with kids. Then he's broker than broke.

2. He's understanding. Your older guy's been through a lot. Or at least he has a lot of experience. He's probably dated his fair share of ladies and he's hopefully learned a lot about relationships in the process. Or he's just a weirdo or a psycho and you don't know it....yet.

3. He'll likely worship you. Why? Because he'll feel incredibly lucky to have snagged someone 18 years younger than him. The rest of his wrinkled buds will constantly make remarks to this effect, so he... (more)

Tags: humor, relationships, age, pros, cons

Lifting the Rug

By Selina Jane, published on Dec 2, 2009

I grew up used to hearing my mother insult my father, used to my father cheating with his scantily clad secretaries, and then buying my mom diamond “shut up” gifts. My family wasn’t what you would call “normal”, even though every holiday card, family event, and public portrayal would say otherwise.

Smile Sandy. Pretend you have a loving family who doesn’t hide a closet full of skeletons and resent. Pretend that you know what it means to love someone.

And I did smile.

For a few years…

Until the corners of my mouth just wouldn’t go up anymore.

Every relationship... (more)

Tags: family, relationships, daughters, dysfunction, lonlieness, mothers

A Certain Destiny

By Selina Jane, published on Nov 25, 2009

She preferred to hang around with queens and fags. Breeders just weren’t as interesting and always passed judgment on her extra-curricular activities and porn shop career! So what, if she sold ass plugs and dildos for a living… The people she met at work were far more interesting than any of the corporate robots who worked down the street in the business sector.

Sometimes it got slow during the day. She’d start putting batteries in things, cranking the funk, and dancing around the store like a freak. Occasionally the bells would jingle and someone would come into the store and catch... (more)

Tags: sex, relationships, pornography, drag queens, judgement, humour, irony

Do Looks Matter?

By TheGuysPerspective, published on Nov 25, 2009

Dear Guys,

I am 17 and in high school. The boys in our school seem infatuated with well-developed and flirtatious girls, of which I'm neither. I'm more of a jock. I play soccer and basketball and hang out with my girlfriends. But I am interested in boys and would like to be part of the “scene” in some way. Is it true that all they care about is looks? Heather, Indiana

Dear Heather,

Thanks for writing. We're glad you play organized sports and are doing your own thing. More girls should follow your example. So let's get to your question.

Looks definitely... (more)

Tags: relationships, dating, guys, looks, girls, image

Guys and Pink

By TheGuysPerspective, published on Nov 24, 2009

We’ve had a long and wonderful relationship with Pink since we were kids. And we plan on nurturing that relationship as long as Pink will have us. So let’s start from the beginning.

Our love of Pink started when we opened our first pack of baseball cards. That hard stick of gum would slide out between the cards to our six year old delight. It usually took at least ten packs to find our favorite players, so that's how many sticks we would end up chewing! It was little boy bliss blowing bubbles and having them pop and stick to our faces!! As you can see, Pink was already beginning to take... (more)

Tags: relationships, guys, women, pink

A Life Unnoticed

By Selina Jane, published on Nov 9, 2009

I used to run into him all the time at the local WalMart. I would be there loading up my cart with useless (but necessary) items such as; scarves, socks, pajamas, body wash, shampoo, laxatives, and tampons, while he was there with his cart full of smoking cessation aids such as; sunflower seeds, a jumbo pack of gum, “the patch”, and some of that nasty Nicorette gum. I always found it weird that he went to these great lengths to seemingly “stop smoking”, yet each and every time, at the checkout, he would still ask for a pack of cigs… Marlborough Lights.

One day while behind him in line... (more)

Tags: relationships, death, life, cancer, flash fiction, short stories, smoking, lonliness

You Never Slept with MY Wife

By alan handwerger, published on Nov 7, 2009

I played tennis with my ex-wife’s ex-husband last night.  And I won: 6-4, 6-3.

Divorce is always awkward; especially when there is a child involved.  The child involved in my divorce, my son, Neil, had become something of an emotional volleyball, I’m afraid to say; though at the moment, he seemed more focused on the soccer ball that he was dribbling down the field, streaking toward the goal with nary a defender in sight …Goal!

There’s nothing like a goal to bring the warring factions in the aftermath of a divorce... (more)

Tags: humor, relationships, short story

The Lost Years

By Selina Jane, published on Nov 6, 2009

Mom used to always tell me that husbands lasted about as long as a roll of toilet paper. She sort of robbed me of any romanticized view of marriage I might have had. Now on husband number five (Jack) she had successfully transformed herself from a loving, nurturing mom to a cold-hearted money-grubbing bitch.

It was cool in my junior years at high school being dropped off in a Rolls Royce or limo once in while. But it quickly became old; as did the increase in age of the men she wed.

I still remember the way she used to look at dad. We might not have had much, but we were happy.... (more)

Tags: marriage, family, relationships, moms, flash fiction, shorty story, daughters

Me and My Anima

By alan handwerger, published on Nov 2, 2009

...gaps, the answer is yes. From Sally Ann (pre-school) to Sarah Porter (kindergarten) to Julie Feeney (1st grade) to Donna Davis (2nd grade) to Rena … now what was Rena’s last name? (3rd grade), my life has been a more or less unbroken chain of liaisons.

Not all of these relationships were what one would call serious. The idea of spending my entire life with the same girl didn’t set in until I was about nine. But when it did, it arrived with a vengeance. If anyone had tried to convince me that I would not marry and live happily ever after with Margie Chase, I would... (more)

Tags: humor, relationships, memoir

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