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Monday, November 20, 2017

159 results for 'humor'

The Greatest Cat Name

By Innocent Owner, published on Nov 24, 2009

The greatest cat name? “Treats”. Really. Out of all the cats I have ever owned, that is the one word they will come running to every time. You don’t even have to shake a can. Just whisper the word “treats” and anything with four legs will be at your feet in seconds.

I had two kittens, about six months old, who loved to get on the counters in the kitchen. Every time I turned around, there they were, on the counter. One night I had some friends over for dinner and had to get some extra plates out of a cabinet that was up high. Being 5'6" I grabbed my cheap flimsy step stool and tried to... (more)

Tags: humor, pets, cats, cat names

The Trusting Turkey

By Innocent Owner, published on Nov 19, 2009

    A long time ago on a special day, war broke out. Color and Joy were over taken by the cold and dreary Grays. Color and Joy knew something had to be done but what, they did not know. Far on the horizon, a hero awoke from a loud and horrendous roar emanating from his nose. Thus began the final battle of the Color and Joys against the Grays on that day of Good N Plenty.    The only color came as rays of warm sun flowed around the wooden slats and rippled across the bed to form a pool of pure comfort in a drab and colorless morning. In the pool the hairy heathen lie, blissfully enjoying his... (more)

Tags: humor, pets, cat, thanksgiving

I Can Make It, I Can Make It...I Can't Make It

By Innocent Owner, published on Nov 17, 2009

     Grace.  Finesse.  Agility.  These words are synonymous with cats.  They have beauty and style as they maneuver around with pinpoint accuracy to snatch a bug out of mid air, the swiftness to trip you up without ever getting kicked. Grace.  Finesse.  Agility.  You can use these words to describe all cats.  So why did mine just smash into the side of the table, face first?

     Rock sat on the arm of the chair, looking back and forth between me and the table, as if to say “I can make it”.  I stared back, “no, you can’t”.  His hind legs squatted down and tensed up, “I can make it”.... (more)

Tags: humor, pets, cats

Death Be Not Proud

By Far Muse, published on Nov 13, 2009

One of the under-appreciated benefits of living in the natural world -- for example on a small, diverse farm -- is that you encounter death on a regular basis and become relatively comfortable with it. Those who live on top of the world, let's say the residents of a 10th-floor apartment where water comes in taps and food in plastic, more easily live in denial.

Now you may think that denial -- not thinking about it at all -- is more comfortable than familiarity, but that is not the case for the simple reason that death inevitably intrudes, and the sudden snap from denial to confrontation... (more)

Tags: humor, death, dying

You Never Slept with MY Wife

By alan handwerger, published on Nov 7, 2009

I played tennis with my ex-wife’s ex-husband last night.  And I won: 6-4, 6-3.

Divorce is always awkward; especially when there is a child involved.  The child involved in my divorce, my son, Neil, had become something of an emotional volleyball, I’m afraid to say; though at the moment, he seemed more focused on the soccer ball that he was dribbling down the field, streaking toward the goal with nary a defender in sight …Goal!

There’s nothing like a goal to bring the warring factions in the aftermath of a divorce... (more)

Tags: humor, relationships, short story

Guilty As Charged

By Theresa H Hall, published on Nov 6, 2009

“What was that noise?” I demanded of my cat, Bobby, who was seated next to me. His eyes were open, pupils fully dilated and ears poised straight up. He was on alert. It was clear to me he had heard the noise. There it was again. This time Bobby and I exchanged glances as we both jumped up and started walking toward the kitchen. It didn’t take us long to realize that the sounds being emitted were coming from inside the refrigerator.

Thoughts were racing through both our minds. I guessed... (more)

Tags: humor, refrigerators, fresh produce, event, food bloggers

Me and My Anima

By alan handwerger, published on Nov 2, 2009

I love women. Always have, from a tender age, when Sally Ann’s grandmother caught us under the bed kissing and washed our three-year old mouths out with soap. I’ve had a girlfriend pretty much since that day.

By and large I have always preferred the company of women. They say I have a highly developed anima, which suggests, among other things, that I am capable of understanding women’s thoughts and feelings better than your average Joe. That this sensibility engenders trust is its own reward. That I came by it the hard way I am about to demonstrate.

‘But have... (more)

Tags: humor, relationships, memoir

Ever have one of those kind of nights?

By cranelegs, published on Nov 2, 2009

ever have one of those nights when you fall asleep before brushing your teeth? and you wake up at three in the morning with that god awful, gloppy taste in your mouth? so you lumber half awake into the bathroom?and you don't turn on the light because you don't really want to wake up?so you brush your teeth in the dark?and you notice that the toothpaste doesn't have that minty clean taste?but you brush anyway because it's not so bad and you just want to get back to bed?so you rinse and stumble your clean teeth back to bed all satisfied and what not?then morning comes and you reach in the medicine... (more)

Tags: humor, funny stories

Youth Soccer Remembered

By alan handwerger, published on Oct 31, 2009

I was impressed by the turnout.  There had to be at least a hundred parents jammed into the elementary school cafeteria on a rainy Sunday afternoon trying to get their kids signed up for soccer.  No one even played soccer when I was growing up.  We played football in the fall.

 Not that I have anything against soccer, although, truth be told, I don’t really understand all of the rules.  I’d been meaning to learn. 

 “We’re short one assistant coach for the 7-8-year olds,” said the league president, spying over the top... (more)

Tags: soccer, humor, family, sports

The French Waitress in My Bed

By alan handwerger, published on Oct 29, 2009

     A recent survey revealed that a vast majority of men on the planet had answered ‘Zero’ when posed the question: ‘How many times has a pretty French waitress appeared in your bedroom unsolicited?’

      Me, I answered ‘Once’. 

      There are times when you know that someone finds you attractive, and times that you’re not so sure. For instance, when the waitress you’ve been flirting with all night shows up at your house at midnight, having gotten your address off the check you used to pay for dinner, it’s a fairly... (more)

Tags: france, humor, short story, waitress

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