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Wednesday, November 22, 2017

159 results for 'humor'

Please Pass the Paxil

By alan handwerger, published on Jul 7, 2010

When your legs aren’t working, and you’re breathing on a ventilator, and cleansing your blood through dialysis, and you have a heart that is prone to sudden and inexplicable stoppages; even the nicest guys – and I count myself amongst them – have a tendency to be grouchy.

By the time I left the hospital to matriculate as an in-patient at the physical rehabilitation clinic, all of these complaints, other than the inability to use my legs, had resolved. A vast improvement; but still, this business of maybe not being able to walk again had me in something of a funk.

“How are you... (more)

Tags: humor, rehabilitation, drugs, short story, memoir

Three Bad Kicks

By Glenn T, published on Jul 1, 2010

Well, believe it or not, the United States actually briefly caught World Cup fever. When 19 million people in this country tune in to watch anything it’s a big deal - when they do it to watch a game which has historically been relegated to "also ran" status, it’s monumental. And so it was last Saturday when a confluence of good timing, great marketing and a little Yankee good fortune made the United States vs. Ghana the most watched soccer game in U.S. television history. Of course, that’s nothing compared to the over 106 million people that watched the Super Bowl, but it’s more than the 18.4... (more)

Tags: soccer, football, humor, united states, world cup, funny, american, blog, three things

Of Human Bandage

By alan handwerger, published on Jun 27, 2010

...said John, looking on as I placed the Ace bandage carefully at the center of my creation and proceeded to top it with the remaining crepes et al. “You’re not?”

“It’s worth a shot,” I said, flambeeing some rum and pouring it over the top. “Maybe the guy has a sense of humor.”

And off I went to the dining room.

“Voila!” I said, placing my dessert creation for eight in front of Dino, and handing him a knife. “Again, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

“Hey,” said Dino, who evidently had been taking full advantage of my... (more)

Tags: humor, restaurants, bandaids, organized crime, customer relations food and drink

36 Things...

By Glenn T, published on Jun 17, 2010

For those of you that don’t know, your intrepid reporter turned a very young thirty six this past weekend, and as I’m known to do, I’m taking the occasion to memorialize the event in writing. Previously, I’ve set down observations on what each age is like - as a warning to those younger and as a opportunity to reminisce for those a few years ahead. But this year I’ve realized that there a great many things that I have learned in the intervening three and one half decades (give or take a year) - some the easy way, and most the hard way, but all valuable lessons nonetheless. So, THREE THINGS... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, blog, rant, weird

Child Bride and Groom, Newborn Divorcees

By alan handwerger, published on May 14, 2010

Traveler’s Advisory: On the Mediterranean coast of France, just below Marseilles, sits the small fishing village of Cassis, where it is very easy to fall in love. It was here that I met Helen. She was blond, pretty, brilliant, English.

I knew that she reminded me of someone, though it would take me some time to figure out that this someone was Sophia Western, the heroine of Henry Fielding’s eighteenth-century novel, Tom Jones. Not that I knew Sophia all that well.

We met at teatime. By bedtime we were hopelessly in love: she with a boy from New England who she mistook for an American... (more)

Tags: france, humor, marriage, divorce, memoir

The English School of Love

By alan handwerger, published on May 3, 2010

The myth of British reserve is as universal as it is inaccurate. This I know first hand, having once upon a time taken to wife a nineteen-year old English girl who was even less ready for marriage than was my then twenty-two year old self. Here’s a scene from that short-lived marriage, set in the small Hertfordshire community where I’d taken my first teaching job.

“Are you having a good time, then, Alan?” asked Richard Sparks, head of the history department at the Hartland School, Upper Bingsford, Herts.

“Great, thanks, Richard. It was really nice of you to invite... (more)

Tags: humor, england, school, wife swapping clubs

The Power of Depress

By alan handwerger, published on Apr 23, 2010

...in a couple of hours.”

“Take your time.”

If I were her, I wouldn’t bother coming back at all.

(Exit Lorrie.)

Why so glum, chum? Stupid expression. They’re all stupid, for my money. What money?

This has got to stop. I have a column due on Monday – a humor column. Wouldn’t bet the farm on that one.

I remember once, when I’d found myself in a particularly good mood, trying to analyze the cause of my mood; thinking that if I were able to do so, I might in future be able to reconstruct good moods at will. Well, by the time I was done with ... (more)

Tags: baseball, humor, depression, writing, heroes, little league, new angles

Chapter VIII

By alan handwerger, published on Apr 18, 2010

Under Chapter 7 (of the Federal Bankruptcy Code) -- a trustee is appointed to take over your property. Any property of value will be sold or turned into money to pay your creditors. You may be able to keep some personal property items and possibly real estate depending on the law of the State where you live and applicable federal laws.

The Mercantile Trust Bank building in Providence, Rhode Island is comprised of two towers, the North and the South. The North tower, which was built over a century ago, is a stately structure, its interior walls clad in rich mahogany, its tenants... (more)

Tags: real estate, humor, memoir, investing, bankruptcy

So Long, Old Pal?

By alan handwerger, published on Apr 11, 2010

There was no doubt that Sparky had some social problems: attacking pretty much anything that moved unless it had been given my good housekeeping seal of approval leaps to mind. But he was fiercely devoted to the family; and as I was traveling a good deal of the time back then, having a snarling, menacing presence patrolling the driveway round the clock was, in a strange way, a source of comfort – even if it did wreak havoc with my home owner’s insurance. Truth be told, he only ever bit two humans hard enough to trigger legal proceedings. And in both cases he had not only my sanction, but also... (more)

Tags: humor, pets, memoir

The Odyttey

By alan handwerger, published on Apr 2, 2010

“Did you enjoy dinner, Betty?” I asked the rather plain-looking woman seated across from me. Betty’s plate, like mine, was half-empty.

“I did, thank you. It was quite enjoyable.”

“I agree. It was good. I’m glad we chose Italian this evening. Is this your first time at the Olive Tree?”

“At this one, yes. I have been to the one on the south side of the island, which is also good.”

“Well, perhaps we’ll try that one next time.”

“That would be nice.”

All in all, not a bad first date, I mused as I drove along after seeing Betty home. Yet I would... (more)

Tags: humor, short story, mythology, odyssey

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