74 results for 'funny'
Two gay homosexuals recently moved in next door to me. They’re really nice guys – they baked cookies for all the neighbors, they helped me rake my leaves, and they never throw any of those outrageously flamboyant parties that their kind are known for. However, I don’t approve of their lifestyle. I find their homosexuality to be fundamentally immoral. It totally goes against nature, and it’s an abomination in the eyes of God. I don’t care how nice they are or how well they play the part of the perfect neighbors – what they do in that house is wrong, and I can’t... (more)
Kids say the funniest of things sometimes. Mine are a little less funny nowadays that they are older but occasionally they say something that just makes me have a quiet chuckle.
My 2 youngest Sons recently started calling me Mother - no more Mom or Mommy - unless they need something of course - then it is "Mommy, Can I...."
We were having a conversation in the car last week when we were going through the weeks schedule. It is exam time at school so I asked my Sons what exams they had over the next few days.
Of course Son no 3 and 4 were ragging each other about one thing... (more)
I hate my stupid brain. It always screws me over at the most critical times. Traitor! I’m an adult going back to school at a community college, and I’m failing. It’s not that I’m dumb – I’m actually pretty smart. I pay attention in class and understand the material, I work hard, and I study a lot. But when I show up for a test, no matter how prepared I am, my brain lays a turd. It starts with negative thoughts – for some reason I tell myself I’m going to fail. From there things spiral out of control: my mind goes blank; I forget everything I learned; and I totally... (more)
Pigs are popular these days, especially teacup pigs who are worth up to $2,500.00 each. However, our family loves real farm hogs because they are friendly, smart and crafty. For twenty years we have raised meat birds, laying hens, 4 pigs, a calf and loved an old Arabian and a beautiful warm-blooded show horse for years. When the local hog farmer drove over to deliver our four little piglets in the spring, he stayed for almost an hour enjoying their introduction to free range living. In fact, most of the family stood around their pasture, watching and laughing. The piglets literally leapt and twisted... (more)
Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, and Washington Irving used moving through time as plot devices without ever adding the science to the fiction. In movies and TV, heroes and villains move through time in order to right wrongs, save loved ones, make ridiculous sums of money, or remove their arch nemesis before they become a problem. Einstein, Hawking, and Sagan all weighed in on the practical science and problems for true time travel. Apparently James (Age 9) has been giving it a little thought himself...James: "Is time travel possible?"Dad: "Most people don't believe so but there are those that... (more)
Those who no longer believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or living under the rules of their parents homes travel to a magical land full of wonder and discovery. Allston, Massachusetts. Once there they'll be unburdened by curfews, set dinner times, and chores. They'll be free to sleep until dark, consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol, and throw parties every night. They will truly be free. At least until the second week of the month when they need to attend school, or the third week of the month when they have no money for food, or the last week of the month when they have no money for... (more)
Usually it takes being hit in the head three or four times before I get a great idea and by then someone else has thought of it. Today's great idea is for a claim check ticket for your smart phone where just handing over your car, coat, or kid and then tapping your phone on the counter gives you a virtual ticket to retrieve them. Why do you need a virtual ticket, you say? It's not like you ever going to lose the paper one...Kire: "I lost the claim ticket."Ann: "What does that mean?"Kire: "It means I don't know where the claim ticket is."Ann: "But what does that mean?"Kire: "I guess it means... (more)
Everything is a deal to be made. Want to watch TV? You'll need you to clean the living room first. Ice Cream after dinner? Sure, but the rubbish must taken out beforehand. All my kids have learned this vital skill to one extent or another and strike a deal whenever possible. None do it quite as well as James (Age 9). I think he must read books on the side with titles like Tony Soprano's Guide to Negotiation or I'm the Don, and You Can Be Too. James always makes you an offer you can't refuse...James: "Dad, I wish to discuss my previously agreed upon chore."Dad: "You mean moving those... (more)
This is especially true of James (Age 9). So when he turned in his chipped nails and dirty hands for a more pampered look, I knew there had to be a story behind it...James: "I got a manicure and a panicure today."Dad: "So you got your nails and...hold on. What's a panicure?"James: "When they clean up your toe nails."Dad: "That's a pedicure."James: "Alright, so I got a manicure and a pedicure today."Dad: "Why?"James: "It looked like fun. They wash your feet and everything. Look at these fingers. Did you know there's a white part at the bottom of your fingernails. Feel how smooth my hands... (more)
How great it is when on day two of summer vacation they turn to you and say, "We're bored. Can we go to the driving range?"
Dad: "Stand with your feet closer together, it's not hockey."
James (Age 9): "But I'm awesome at hockey. Can we go hit balls from up on the top deck?"
Dad: "You chase the balls onto the range if they don't go far enough. You'll run right off the top deck. Olympia, your picking your head up."
Olympia (Age 13): "I like to see what's going on."
Dad: "How exactly do you put a divet in the rubber... (more)