Friday, July 20, 2018

74 results for 'funny'

Words of Wisdom: Laughter

By Ely North, published on May 5, 2013

“Laughter is the language of the soul.” ~Pablo Neruda

The second greatest way to bond with another person is to laugh together. (The greatest way, of course, is to get drunk together – which usually leads to laughter, anyway.) When we laugh together, our souls are recognizing a kindred spirit, communicating an unspoken shared understanding.

Laughter is pure, joyous, playful, spontaneous, and free – as the soul, at its best, should be. Laughter is an expression of the soul delighting in its existence.

As a tribute to the power of laughter, I wrote a poem dedicated... (more)

Tags: humor, soul, funny, laughter, laugh, pablo neruda

Anger Management

By Ely North, published on May 1, 2013

Dear Ely,

I need anger management help. Stupid little things set me off, and I blow my top like a mailbox packed with M-80s. When people make innocent mistakes or do ordinary things that I personally find annoying, I erupt in a chaotic firestorm of abusive language, nonsensical threats, and physical intimidation. For example, yesterday a colleague of mine was humming that horrible song “MMMBop” in my vicinity. Terrible as it is, it’s a catchy tune, and it got stuck in my head. I was PISSED! I aggressively whirled on the poor little woman and screamed in her face, “Shut... (more)

Tags: humor, anger management, anger, funny, advice, temper

Pressure to Marry

By Ely North, published on Apr 21, 2013 grandmother. She keeps telling me that when she was my age, she was already married with three children. Once she starts, my aunts (my mom has four sisters) all chime in. “Are you dating anyone special?” “When are going to settle down and start a family?” It’s gone from funny to uncomfortable to really annoying, and now I try to avoid family gatherings just to escape the harassment. But my mom is by far the worst. She pesters me daily to meet a man to marry, and she’s always trying to set me up with undateable losers. She even threatens to haunt me from the ... (more)

Tags: humor, marriage, funny, advice, marry

Saving Money Tips

By Ely North, published on Apr 17, 2013

Dear Ely,

I’m drowning in bills. Every month they come in tsunami-sized waves: mortgage, car payment, phone, cable, electric, water, and credit cards. If I don’t find a way to spend less money, I’m going to have to get another job just to keep my head above water. Do you have any tips for saving money?


Over-Billed Billy


Dear Over-Billed Billy,

Of course I can help you save money! It’s easy: downsize and simplify. Take a long, honest look at your life and determine to do away with everything superfluous. If something... (more)

Tags: humor, tips, funny, advice, money, save money

Jealousy, Obsession, and a Crazy Girlfriend

By Ely North, published on Apr 10, 2013

Dear Ely,

My new girlfriend is jealous, obsessive, and possessive. She reads my e-mails and goes through my phone to check my calls, texts, and pictures. She gets furious if I talk to other women. I think she might be psychotic, and I know she’s dangerous. “If you leave me, I’ll hunt you down.” “If I ever catch you with another woman, I’ll kill the bitch. Then I’ll kill you.” These are the types of things she says to me every day. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks! I want to get away from her, but I’m afraid she’ll actually carry out her threats. She carries a... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, advice, possessive, relationship, obsessive, girlfriend, jealous

Man's Best Friend?

By melanie jean juneau, published on Apr 3, 2013

The relationship between man and beast is an interesting one. What is it about dogs that tempts us to repeat the age-old phrase, "dogs are man's best friend"? My husband contends that we love to make pets out of animals because without free will, they simply absorb all our affection and reflect undivided loyalty back to us. We revel in such devotion and inadvertently become part of a dog's pack as he bonds with us in a deep manner. This dynamic works for my husband because he is always the alpha of the pack but not for me. Why I don't even make the beta position. Nope I am usually the omega.... (more)

Tags: dog, funny, dumb, annoying, problem

Anti-Bullying Help

By Ely North, published on Apr 3, 2013

Dear Ely,

I’m a forty-year-old computer engineer (in other words, a nerd), and I’m being bullied. A guy I work with always makes fun of me in front of our colleagues. I would be able to bear the hurtful insults, but he takes the abuse much farther. Sometimes when I’m in the men’s room he and his cronies corner me and beat me up. They punch me in the stomach and chest (so as not to leave any visible bruises) and take my lunch money. Then they dunk my head in the toilet until I agree to do all their work. This kind of thing has been happening my whole life, and I don’t know... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, advice, bullying, bully

Affirmative Action Plan

By Ely North, published on Mar 27, 2013

Dear Ely,

I’m the senior partner of a law firm, and I’m in trouble. Our office is a very diverse workplace: we employ people of African, Latin American, Asian, Middle Eastern, and even Native American descent. There’s one racial/ethnic group that isn’t represented on our payroll, though, and this is where the trouble lies. Our local White Rights Alliance – a group that promotes the interests of white people in our community – is threatening to sue us because we don’t employ any Caucasians. They allege that we’re not an equal opportunity employer, we’re neglecting our affirmative... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, advice, equal opportunity, affirmative action

Jobs for Felons

By Ely North, published on Mar 19, 2013

Dear Ely,

I was just released from prison, and I don’t want to go back. Ever. I’ve been looking for a job, but I can’t find one. I can’t even get an interview. Employers just won’t give me a chance – every application asks if I’ve ever been convicted of a crime. Once the employer sees that I answered “Yes,” my application goes in the trash. What am I supposed to do? I’m ready to go straight and live a respectable life, but if society doesn’t give me an opportunity to make an honest living, I’m going to have to turn back to a life of crime.


Ex-Con... (more)

Tags: humor, prison, felon, funny, advice, job, inmate, ex-offender, ex-con

Book Review: Leaves of Grass

By Ely North, published on Mar 12, 2013

Poetry sucks. With its flowery language and vague phrasings, you have to study and interpret it just to extract any kind of meaning from it. Then, invariably, some “literary expert” – like my high school English teacher – will tell you that your analysis is wrong, and condescendingly enlighten you as to the “true” meaning of the poem. Who needs that kind of aggravation? Outside of dirty limericks, I have no use for this entire literary genre. Poetry sucks.

As I was drunkenly spouting off this distaste for poetry one night, a friend of mine (a high school English teacher –... (more)

Tags: humor, poetry, review, book review, funny, leaves of grass, walt whitman

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