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Saturday, November 18, 2017

548 results for 'riginal'

Eating ones words.

By riginal, published on Nov 19, 2012

WORDS JUST 'AINT ENOUGH by riginal.

I was born a punctuation destitute even though my dad was an epidemic at Harvard. It was the 60's. Dad drove a cheap rusty English Comma. One day it came to a full stop and rolled over. Comma.Full stop.Inverted comma. For the first time HE was lost for words. My mother was a religious fanatic. So religious, she used to extract the swear words from our alphabetic soup."Bloody awful" was thrown out constantly...along with the soup.

On occasions as a verbal treat, dad would bring home some left-over verbs and adjectives from his lectures. We ate... (more)

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Episode two Peter Gravy from 'Upyawz News' in Kenya.

By riginal, published on Nov 18, 2012

EPISODE 2. PETER GRAVY'S 'SURVIVAL TRIP' IN KENYA WITH BEAR GRYLLS.

In episode one i flew out from Australia as the representitive of 'Upyawz News' to learn bush skills from the master. I didn't particularly want to beat around the Bush too much as i believe ex-presidents' in America should enjoy their retirement leaves...if you twig. Turn the tap off on dam Watergate too, i say. Let the 'Bridge over troubled Waters' trickle down to an insignificant barely audible babbling brook of no consequence. Let shame implode on its on misery.

An American Eagle pecked its way through the... (more)

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A survival course trip to Kenya.

By riginal, published on Nov 18, 2012

Peter Gravy's investigative tour of Kenya for 'Upyawz News'.

Hi all, Gravy here. 'Upyawz News' sent me to Kenya for a 'survival course' with Bear Grylls, so Ken you, or ya, put up your feet for a tick, (ticks so bad here in Africa 'feet up' is compulsory). I left Australia in an early DC 9. Don't like flying in a late DC 9 as they have lousy headlights. Gosh! the cargo holds in these birds- to say the least-is un- bumable.

My luggage consisted of 'survival gear'. A copy of 'umpteen shades of grey', Womans Day edition of Hemingway's novels 'How i held a bar up' , 'The old man... (more)

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Just musing

By riginal, published on Nov 16, 2012

Baseless criticism is the skeletal left- overs from the feast of envy.

An optimist writer fuels the dying embers of ambition with the rejection slips lying at his feet.

Life and showbiz is like a viking burial at sea...one minute you're on top of the heap...the next minute you're a flamin' hasbeen.

Would you say that Alaska is a thaw point amongst our scientific community?

I got so sick of chasing that little arrow thingy around on my laptop that i found it easier to chuck the mouse back in its ferris wheel and just move the laptop around. Ahhh! i hear you say...how... (more)

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A Modern Shrink's Mental Playground

By riginal, published on Nov 16, 2012

A modern shrink should employ the latest mental gym equipment to complement his/her diagnostic opinions and subsequent treatment programs. Twelve out of six gym instructors on standby to gently rock split personalities on reversible mood swings. A darkened padded eerie room to let imaginations run riot. 'Walking only' restriction signs in the hallway of the 'bulk billing' room so that insanity doesn't RUN in the family. Automatic self-esteem boilers to raise the spirits.

A level roller-coaster ride fitted with hydraulic emotion sensors used in conjunction with mood swings for manic-depressives.... (more)

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Humor, the rescue of a damsel in distress.

By riginal, published on Nov 16, 2012

THE UPYAWZ NEWS FROM AUSTRALIA.

Hello, I'm Peter Gravy, glad to have you on-bored. I deal in hard facts. We here at Upyawz have been unfairly crucified for smelling areas. I spoke at length-in feet and inches- to our automatic smelling areas chappie only to find that his diction died. This may only be a one-off occurence but i am of the belief (the autopsy by our head mechanic Mavis confirmed my suspicions), that diction cessation and smelling errors cease simultaneously or roughly about the same time, as death. Arthur Chappie was not only a valued member of our news team- but... (more)

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Comic Book Hero Falls on Hard Times

By riginal, published on Nov 15, 2012

THE UPYAWZ NEWS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE

Hello, I'm Peter Gravy andhere is the news. The Phantom arrested at Crown Casino Australia last night for being out of his skull. The four- hundred-year-old masked avenger sobbed as he told assembled media that he had over-imbibed on jungle-juice after he received the devastating news from his stockbroker that his 400-year-old super-plan wasn't super at all and had taken a plunge.

Half of his stock disappeared due to his stockbroker leaving the stock-gate open. Devil was hospitalized after being mauled by the Bear market and bullied by the... (more)

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Comedic nonsense from the great wail of China.

By riginal, published on Nov 14, 2012

After many failures Chan had finally perfected the art of growing giant leeks, surpassing the now infamous Watergate variety. Chan's father was so proud of his son and his achievment in America. Although he was not very fluent in English the first landing on the moon was etched indelibly into the old man's memory.

Chan's father could not contain his excitement at the launch of his son's first 'Giant Leek' restaurant. Beaming with pride he grabbed the microphone from Chan's hand and cried out excitedly in broken English, "One small step for Chan...one giant leek for Chankind!"

 (more)

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