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Sunday, November 19, 2017

11 results for 'Reza B'

100 Things That Make Me Smile

By Reza B, published on Sep 29, 2010

It’s about 90 degrees now—I feel like I’m sitting underneath a very fat man who’s breathing on me at a steady humid rate. I’m on my balcony watching Hollywood shimmer in the summer heat (unfortunately it’s technically fall) and I realize how much I love my view. My dog is sleeping next to my feet; she always seems to be sleeping, but I love her nonetheless. No matter how bad my day is, my view and my dog always put a smile on my face—I feel like people, including myself, have forgotten how many things there are to make us smile; like we’ve lost perspective.

In the last nine-years... (more)

Tags: friends, happiness, joy, smiling, fun, list

World Will End on 12.21.12; Stupidity Will Survive Forever

By Reza B, published on May 30, 2010

If you’re like me—by reading this you’re agreeing that you are—the vast majority of your time is consumed by the end of the world that is, as predicted by the Ancient Mayans, well-nigh upon us. You probably also have a bit of a tough time programming those pesky microwave ovens to heat the “Claim Jumper” meatloaf dinner that you picked up in the frozen food section of a gas-station/food-mart to the desired temperature. (High Fructose Corn Syrup and Preservatives, I love you).

But you and I (me and you) represent that segment of the population that hears the canary’s song and we know... (more)

Tags: december 21 2012

Raise Our Taxes! Wait. What?

By Reza B, published on Mar 1, 2010

“We’ve lost half of our net worth.” Words like this were repeated to me in various manners and over various drinks and meals by many many (many) friends, so many in fact that I think the concept of losing half of your wealth should be a cliché in the times we live in. This piece isn’t about the pain of losing something you’ve worked a lifetime to achieve, nor is it about the politics and policies that maybe led us to where we find ourselves—we all participated in the process so we’re all familiar with how we got to where we are (wherever that may be).

Instead, I wanted to write something... (more)

Tags: china, united states, india, taxes, satire

The Penis And Its Natural Enemies

By Reza B, published on Jun 22, 2008

Nature is nothing if not balanced. To every Yin there must exist a Yang, to every night must come the day, and, like the vagina, for every penis must exist an enemy. Please note that the scientific principles and ethnographic detail presented in the author’s previous article: “The Vagina and Its Natural Enemies,” were used to painstakingly produce a nearly comprehensive list of enemies which purport to prey upon nature’s brainless brute—the penis. The purpose of this list is to inform, what the reader does with this information is clearly up to them. May God have... (more)

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Obama's Inspiration (Hope In Spires)

By Reza B, published on Feb 4, 2008

I was born in the apathy of the 1970s, grew up in the decadence of the 1980s, came to maturity (semi) in the millennial inertia of the 1990s, and devolved, in the first years of the “New Millennium,” into a cynic—a witness to liberty’s silent nightmare.

I watched helpless as my country was attacked—the anger burned. I mourned the loss of life—the pain left an indelible mark. I welcomed the spirit of friendship and fraternity that erupted from that tragedy—hope dared to break the surface. For people around the world, America was, for all its faults, either consciously or unconsciously,... (more)

Tags: obama

The Edison: It's Where Vampires Would Live, If They Do Live

By Reza B, published on Jun 19, 2007

About two weeks ago I went to The Edison, a lounge/Vampire den, in newly remodeled/under construction Downtown Los Angeles. No longer a Mecca for pimps, hos, and pushers, Downtown has been upgraded and transformed into a Mecca for young professionals, pimps, hos, and pushers. I, for one, applaud the changes, and wish to God I could kick myself in the nuts for not investing in this still unrealized jewel in LA… that being said, we return to the wonderful paradise that is The Edison. First and foremost you have to completely discard any expectations you may have as The Edison will, most... (more)

Tags: los angeles

The Vagina and Its' Natural Enemies

By Reza B, published on May 29, 2007

Whether it is by design, or the slow natural progression of point mutations and adaptation, the vagina has developed natural enemies whose goal is simple: to prey upon and ultimately conquer the vagina. After years of observation—the extent of which rivals the ethnographic studies of the Yanomamo of the Brazilian rain forest—I am happy to report that a conclusive list of the natural enemies of the vagina has been created, the publication of which I hope, nay pray, will inform, and through that information, prepare women everywhere to meet the threats head-on. THE VENUS FLYTRAP (ALSO... (more)

Tags: police, restaurant, sex

Darband: A Bomb Iranian Restaurant In LA*

By Reza B, published on May 26, 2007

Nestled snuggly on Ventura Boulevard between Tampa and Winnetka sits one of Los Angeles’s best Iranian restaurants: Darband. The restaurant carries the name of a lush green mountain valley in the Alborz Mountains, known for restaurants that offer excellent cuisine and unparalleled ambiance. While Darband restaurant is not in a mountain valley, but rather in “the Valley,” it does not fail to live up to its’ namesake’s reputation for quality. I’ve tried almost every Iranian/Persian restaurant in Los Angeles, Orange County, San Diego, Chicago, New York, Washington D.C. and San Francisco—yes... (more)

Tags: los angeles, new york, san francisco, restaurant, iran

Cingular Me Out

By Reza B, published on Mar 31, 2007

In an age where technology is king, and we are slaves to the whims of a fickle, ever-changing, and sometimes unreliable sovereign, the name of the game is the new, the better, the smaller, and the faster—and no one plays this game better than the mobile telephone companies. Prior to writing this article, I had been with Cingular Wireless, in all its various manifestations, for more than nine years. I’ve dealt with overbilling, under billing, weekend minutes, nighttime minutes, roll-over minutes, friends and family, text messaging, data messaging, multi-media messaging, network roaming,... (more)

Tags: los angeles, real estate

Hollywood's 300 vs. Iran's 69,000,000

By Reza B, published on Mar 15, 2007

A little background before I begin... In 1935 the Shah (King) of Iran, Reza Pahlavi, decided that, in order to distance himself from the failings of the previous Qajar Dynasty, he would change the ancient name of Persia to Iran (a word derived from the word Aryan—or Ariya in Farsi, the official language of Iranians). From that moment on, Persians were no longer called Persians; rather they became the first Iranians. The Persian Empire—at least in name—was gone, and in its place rose Iran. Flash forward seventy-two years to 2007 and we find ourselves in the midst of yet another struggle... (more)

Tags: los angeles, religion, movie, terrorism, hollywood, iran

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