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Sunday, October 22, 2017

14 results for 'Kire Sdyor'

Sports Time

By Kire Sdyor, published on Sep 6, 2012

Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, and Washington Irving used moving through time as plot devices without ever adding the science to the fiction. In movies and TV, heroes and villains move through time in order to right wrongs, save loved ones, make ridiculous sums of money, or remove their arch nemesis before they become a problem. Einstein, Hawking, and Sagan all weighed in on the practical science and problems for true time travel. Apparently James (Age 9) has been giving it a little thought himself...James: "Is time travel possible?"Dad: "Most people don't believe so but there are those that... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Christmas in September

By Kire Sdyor, published on Sep 2, 2012

Those who no longer believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or living under the rules of their parents homes travel to a magical land full of wonder and discovery. Allston, Massachusetts. Once there they'll be unburdened by curfews, set dinner times, and chores. They'll be free to sleep until dark, consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol, and throw parties every night. They will truly be free. At least until the second week of the month when they need to attend school, or the third week of the month when they have no money for food, or the last week of the month when they have no money for... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

That's The Ticket

By Kire Sdyor, published on Aug 18, 2012

Usually it takes being hit in the head three or four times before I get a great idea and by then someone else has thought of it. Today's great idea is for a claim check ticket for your smart phone where just handing over your car, coat, or kid and then tapping your phone on the counter gives you a virtual ticket to retrieve them. Why do you need a virtual ticket, you say? It's not like you ever going to lose the paper one...Kire: "I lost the claim ticket."Ann: "What does that mean?"Kire: "It means I don't know where the claim ticket is."Ann: "But what does that mean?"Kire: "I guess it means... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Put a Contract Out on Your Contractor

By Kire Sdyor, published on Aug 13, 2012

Everything is a deal to be made. Want to watch TV? You'll need you to clean the living room first. Ice Cream after dinner? Sure, but the rubbish must taken out beforehand. All my kids have learned this vital skill to one extent or another and strike a deal whenever possible. None do it quite as well as James (Age 9). I think he must read books on the side with titles like Tony Soprano's Guide to Negotiation or I'm the Don, and You Can Be Too. James always makes you an offer you can't refuse...James: "Dad, I wish to discuss my previously agreed upon chore."Dad: "You mean moving those... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Manlycure

By Kire Sdyor, published on Aug 12, 2012

This is especially true of James (Age 9). So when he turned in his chipped nails and dirty hands for a more pampered look, I knew there had to be a story behind it...James: "I got a manicure and a panicure today."Dad: "So you got your nails and...hold on. What's a panicure?"James: "When they clean up your toe nails."Dad: "That's a pedicure."James: "Alright, so I got a manicure and a pedicure today."Dad: "Why?"James: "It looked like fun. They wash your feet and everything. Look at these fingers. Did you know there's a white part at the bottom of your fingernails. Feel how smooth my hands... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Home, Home on the Range

By Kire Sdyor, published on Jul 4, 2012

How great it is when on day two of summer vacation they turn to you and say, "We're bored. Can we go to the driving range?"

Dad: "Stand with your feet closer together, it's not hockey."

James (Age 9): "But I'm awesome at hockey. Can we go hit balls from up on the top deck?"

Dad: "No."

James: "Why."

Dad: "You chase the balls onto the range if they don't go far enough. You'll run right off the top deck. Olympia, your picking your head up."

Olympia (Age 13): "I like to see what's going on."

Dad: "How exactly do you put a divet in the rubber... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Poetry Slam

By Kire Sdyor, published on May 10, 2012

One was read a few of my poems in a public setting, something I have had little practice in. The other thing I got to do, which I have had loads of practice, is irritate my wife Ann. I can't remember if I told her we were going out for dinner or if it was a wine tasting but wasn't she surprised. Our youngest children wanted me to read the poems to them before we left for the night. I obliged. I should know better. I wonder where they get it from?

Dad: "I was six years old. Very... James you asked me to do this. Why are you playing Tomb Runner while I'm reading this?"

James... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Irony

By Kire Sdyor, published on May 2, 2012

Maybe you start out slow by letting them push the vacuum around when they are small. Then you move up to helping load the dishwasher or washing machine. Eventually you let them heat up frozen pizza or french fries in the oven under close supervision. By then you hope they realize that part of being able to perform these tasks using these tools is a privilege and a sign of maturity. By the time they figure out you've tricked them into doing your housework for you, they are in college. Of course like Tom Sawyer having his friends paint the fence, there could be consequences for your actions...Dad:... (more)

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Muzzle It

By Kire Sdyor, published on Apr 28, 2012

Just those breeds with a track record of biting. So, not really all dogs with a record of biting. More like one breed of dog with a track record of biting.

In reality they just want to muzzle Pit Bulls. Maybe it's the way they look. Could be it's the way they act. Might it just be our own fears projected onto one group?

The MSPCA states that "One in every four dogs brought to the MSPCA is a Pit Bull or Pit Bull mix." I've got to tell you, if I was abandoned I might bite you too. They also recommend that you Spay/Neuter your Pit Bull. If you tried that with me, I know I'd... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

Are You There God? It's Me Ann.

By Kire Sdyor, published on Apr 28, 2012

Since my wife Ann is still among the living her only chance of sainthood is martyrdom, which she feels she is on track for. Lately she's been looking for signs from God to help her through the pain and suffering of raising Sdyor children...

Disembodied Voice Coming From 3rd Floor Window: "Ann."

Ann: "Did somebody say something?"

DVCF3FW: "Ann."

Ann: "God is that you?"

DVCF3FW: "ANN!"

Ann: "God, what's my purpose on this earth?"

DVCF3FW: "To shut this window so we can move the ladders."

Ann: "Damn roofers!"

Later that day...

... (more)

Tags: humor, parenting, family, children, funny

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