Thursday, July 19, 2018

8 results for 'Jane'

Apartment brokers are lowly scum.

By Jane, published on Jun 4, 2007

There are certain professions that draw in a certain type of slick-tongued unethical person. The “shyster” kind of person. One classic and clichéd example is the used-car salesman. I would like to add another to the list: The apartment broker. As someone in the process of finding a new apartment, dealing with brokers has become a masochistic game for me. They are not normal people. I have the distinct disadvantage of knowing exactly what I want and how much I want to pay. Brokers hate that. Here’s a watered down example of me trying to buy a shirt from a shirt broker if shirts... (more)


On Baseball, Not That I Care

By Jane, published on May 18, 2007

I’m not what anyone would call a sports fan. I’ve never understood the thrill of seeing people you’ve never met win something that doesn’t affect anything. But I’ve been trying. And if I have to follow a sport, however vaguely, I’ll choose baseball. I would rather go to a live game than watch one on TV because I’ll take any excuse to get drunk, eat crappy overpriced food and shout obscenities en masse. (Don’t try that at an airport or inside a movie theater.) Up until a few years ago, I cheered for New York City. Mets or Yankees, it didn’t matter. Go New York! Over... (more)

Tags: baseball, new york, movie

You've David Crossed Me for the Last Time.

By Jane, published on May 6, 2007

For the second time in my life, I ran into David Cross in a bar downtown. And for the second time in my life, I managed to ignore him. David Cross is my hero. He’s one of the top five people who have influenced my life. His writing is genius, his comic delivery is hilarious and his acting is perfect. I’m a huge fan. But he will never know and worse yet, for a few reasons, it would be considered rude for me to tell him. I discovered David Cross when a friend introduced me to Mr. Show with Bob and David in 1997. Mr. Show was the most brilliant comedy program ever but only ran for four... (more)

Tags: new york, seinfeld

Secrets of NYC that you might already know.

By Jane, published on Apr 29, 2007

Do people know about the whisper wall in Grand Central? I didn’t until a few days ago when I was watching PBS’s “Secrets of New York – Seven Secrets of Grand Central.” I was flipping through when I saw the segment about the whisper wall. Then I quickly changed the channel because I don’t give money and if you watch PBS for longer than 6 minutes, you should give them money or you’re a filthy thief. Note: I didn’t have my camera with me and the photos I found online had “please-sue-me-for-using-this” written on them so I took the liberty of drawing a diagram in PowerPoint.... (more)

Tags: new york, simpsons

Advice for tourists so I don't accidentally mug you.

By Jane, published on Apr 23, 2007

Recently, I was riding my beloved subway when an adorable tourist family got on at 5th Avenue. They were bubbly, jumpy and completely lost. The father had the expression of a man worn down by years of wondering where his youth had gone. The mother wore the high-adrenaline expression of a hyena waiting for someone to steal her offspring. The children were bouncy and loud and completely oblivious to everything around them. They all had backpacks. They all had shiny new sneakers. They all had digital cameras swinging from their wrists. They all had hats on. The father had a huge guidebook... (more)

Tags: new york, traffic

Your head-hair is worth $20.

By Jane, published on Apr 18, 2007

Deciding what is and isn’t worth $20 is fun for everyone. Here’s something that’s worth every penny and smells good too: A haircut at The Aveda Institute. The Institute is the final step in the rigorous training program for Aveda students. I used to get my head-hairs cut at a place near Union Square. I won’t mention the name but I will tell you about their stinky policy: They give great haircuts but each time you make an appointment for the same stylist, they will charge you a little more. Their reasoning is that you’ll pay more each time it because you want the same person to... (more)

Tags: new york

Your snotty attitude isn't worth $20.

By Jane, published on Apr 13, 2007

I’m talking to you, Museum of Modern Art. Take your $20 admission price and stuff it. I know it’s not a popular choice to talk smack to/about a famous art museum, but I can’t help it. MoMA, as the kiddies call it, has been roasting my wad for years. As a mostly unemployed person living in this great city, I don’t have a lot of money. But as a brilliant and creative person, I have the desire to surround myself with as much culture as I can. Other institutions of culture make it easy to do this. The Metropolitan Museum of Art’s admission is suggested. That means you can get in... (more)


Put it Away, You're on the Subway.

By Jane, published on Apr 9, 2007

As I reflect on my life here in New York City, I’m amazed at the number of exposed penises I have seen on the subway. And not in the sexy Risky Business way. More like the grinning pervert in sweatpants way. Now I’m pretty sure that most men reading this are thinking, “What’s wrong with whipping out my baby-pork for a little strokey-stroke to unwind on the subway? This chick is obviously a prude.” I am no prude. But I feel the need to educate the masses and tell them: The subway is not an appropriate place to masturbate. Ever. A poll of my female friends has indicated that nearly... (more)

Tags: new york, sex

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