Tuesday, October 16, 2018

15 results for 'J. La Mont'

Obama Announces Candidacy

By J. La Mont, published on Feb 10, 2007

This morning Sen. Barack Obama announced his candidacy for president declaring, "It was here, in Springfield, where North, South, East and West come together that I was reminded of the essential decency of the American people -- where I came to believe that through this decency, we can build a more hopeful America. And that is why, in the shadow of the Old State Capitol, where Lincoln once called on a divided house to stand together, where common hopes and common dreams still live, I stand before you today to announce my candidacy for president of the United States of America." The allusions... (more)

Tags: barack obama, president obama, obama announces candidancy, us presidential elections 2008

We All Lose in the Ninja - Pirate War

By J. La Mont, published on Feb 4, 2007

For far too long the battle between ninjas and pirates have disrupted the natural equilibrium of the Earth. Ninjas, the shadowy creatures of the night, are killing machines known for their stealth and skill. Pirates, lovable hooligans roaming the seven seas, are infamous for their booty and peg legs. No credible sources exist detailing when or why the war began. Some say it resulted from globalization while many blame the beauty of a single woman. What is clear is the drastically declining number of pirates since the eighteenth century puts us all on the plank. In 2006 worldwide piracy attacks... (more)

Tags: music, fashion

Reality: Where Sex Meets Law

By J. La Mont, published on Jan 31, 2007

America is full of sexual innuendo and come hither looks. Our country will caress and undress but when it comes to the act itself we're revealed for what we are, a big tease. Don't believe me? Take a look on television and see how many commercials go by before you see the small of woman's back or the hint of wild passion -- if you just buy this deodorant, new perfume, or a nicer car. Compare this to the moral indignation when Janet Jackson went topless. A matter of only an inch or two but this territory is sacred. Sure you could watch a showering coed get decapitated during a prime-time... (more)

Tags: global warming, religion, sex, american prudishness about sex, sexual innnuendo, americas attitude towards sex

Why the Democrats winning IS a good thing

By J. La Mont, published on Nov 8, 2006

In the spirit of true journalism I want to say that I was on the Democrats payroll for a few years. Not because I blindly believe what they say (I'm a registered independent) but because they've been the voice of the moderates and of the middle class. In short they've been my voice. 1. Congress will have oversight and accountability. Our government was built around the concept of checks and balances but this essential feature was lacking under the rubber stamping Republican congress. The Democratic majority, if it's has learned from past mistakes of both parties, will make corruption and lobbying... (more)

Tags: republicans, democrats, rich get richer

Bush Postpones Elections for lack of interest

By J. La Mont, published on Oct 28, 2006

The campaign season came to an unexpected halt today as the White House announced the 2006 and most likely the 2008 elections would be postponed for lack of interest. During a rare Rose Garden press conference with Fox News, Washington Times, and cardboard cutouts Pres. Bush proclaimed, "After reviewing the latest polling data it is obvious that there is no demand for the election. My advisors assure me if we wait 6 years Adam's Smith's invisible hand, I believe he's a member of the X-men, will spur interest for a healthier, stronger democracy." Helen Thomas, disguised as a lawn gnome sitting... (more)

Tags: healthcare, education

Happy Halloween!

By J. La Mont, published on Oct 27, 2006

What's your favorite holiday? Screw the stress of December and the castrated Fourth of July. Halloween is clearly the greatest celebration of the year. Children feast on sugar, teens rebel, collegians party and parents feast on the children's candy completing the great circle of life. That is the genius behind the holiday. More egalitarian than Valentine's Day and fewer family members than Thanksgiving giving everyone something to be truly thankful for. Hours of creativity for the perfect statement or the hastily made costume each become a smiled upon memory. The most conservative among us... (more)


U.S. Bombs North's IKEA

By J. La Mont, published on Oct 15, 2006

Pres. Bush announced at 7:32 eastern time this morning that the United States had bombed North's IKEA. North, a small suburb of Minneapolis, has traditionally voted Democratic with a population of 36,423 according to the 2000 census. "The United States will not stand idly by when evildoers endanger our country. Intelligence officials have assured me that the North Ikeans were attempting to obtain and use weapons of mass destruction," explained Bush at this morning's press conference. The AP reports there were no known casualties. The bombings took place before the store was opened but heavy... (more)

Tags: iraq, iran

Estranged But Not Separated

By J. La Mont, published on Oct 12, 2006

I looked down today and saw two strangers. Unnamed and unloved my feet looked worn from twisted ankles that never truly healed, from miles of getting to Point B from Point A with countless alleyway shortcuts and forest paths between. We’ve walked across Paris in Springtime and slid among the golden leaves of a Kansas Autumn. We’ve kicked, dived and leapt in senseless displays of masculinity for trinkets and praise. Step for step we explored new worlds and shadows just out of sight. Yet sometime between then and now we grew apart. I take pride in knowing myself in every sense of the word.... (more)


Pres. Bush Eats Pussy Cat

By J. La Mont, published on Oct 8, 2006

The political world was rocked by yet another scandal today as footage was leaked to the New York Times by unnamed sources from within the White House of President Bush eating what appears to be an adorable kitten. When asked about the pictures White Press Press Secretary Tony Snow cited executive privilege and national security issues prevented him from commenting at this time. He proceeded to say, "Look over there! Gay illegal immigrants from Iran are getting married!" The press briefing ended abruptly with Snow disappearing behind a sudden cloud of black sulphuric smoke. This is just the latest... (more)

Tags: iraq, new york, gay, iran

Kicking It With the Homeless

By J. La Mont, published on Oct 6, 2006

In 2003 the Homeless World Cup began with five teams as a way to promote awareness to the plight of the homeless and a way to motivate them off the streets. This week 500 players from 48 countries are competing in Cape Town, South Africa in front of thousands of adoring fans. This isn't your normal futbol. The pace is fast with each team having four players on the field playing seven-minute periods. The fields are makeshift in a large parking lot with each pitch the size of an average tennis court. The only familiar part is that the U.S. has failed to finish in the top three. At first I thought... (more)

Tags: baseball, football, santa monica, homeless

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