Tuesday, September 25, 2018

54 results for 'Ely North'

Perception and Infinity

By Ely North, published on Apr 28, 2013

“If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.” ~William Blake

Contemplating this quote kindled a heated debate between my Reason and my Spirit. My Reason shot the opening salvo in this uncivil war for my mind:

Reason: This is pure poetical nonsense, and I refuse to waste time trying to decipher it.

Spirit: Don’t trivialize what you don’t understand, you dismissive prick. Just because you can’t submit it to your rationality and logic doesn’t necessarily make it nonsense.

Reason: Look around, dipshit. Rationality... (more)

Tags: philosophy, perception, infinity, william blake

Book Review: One Hundred Years of Solitude

By Ely North, published on Apr 24, 2013

I’ve read this book twice, and had completely different reactions to it.

The first time, I hated it. It told the long bewildering history of a wild family. The plot was indecipherable: a series of impossible/supernatural events were treated as normal everyday occurrences, and none of them seemed to have any point. The narrative jumped around between time periods, which was confusing. Also confusing was the fact that all the characters (through several generations) shared the same handful of names. The book structure was aggravating: long run-on sentences and paragraphs that... (more)

Tags: review, book review, book, one hundred years of solitude, gabriel garcia marquez

Pressure to Marry

By Ely North, published on Apr 21, 2013

Dear Ely,

My family is driving me crazy. They all want me to get married, like immediately, and they won’t stop riding my ass about it. The pressure starts at the top, with my grandmother. She keeps telling me that when she was my age, she was already married with three children. Once she starts, my aunts (my mom has four sisters) all chime in. “Are you dating anyone special?” “When are going to settle down and start a family?” It’s gone from funny to uncomfortable to really annoying, and now I try to avoid family gatherings just to escape the harassment. But my mom is... (more)

Tags: humor, marriage, funny, advice, marry

Saving Money Tips

By Ely North, published on Apr 17, 2013

Dear Ely,

I’m drowning in bills. Every month they come in tsunami-sized waves: mortgage, car payment, phone, cable, electric, water, and credit cards. If I don’t find a way to spend less money, I’m going to have to get another job just to keep my head above water. Do you have any tips for saving money?


Over-Billed Billy


Dear Over-Billed Billy,

Of course I can help you save money! It’s easy: downsize and simplify. Take a long, honest look at your life and determine to do away with everything superfluous. If something... (more)

Tags: humor, tips, funny, advice, money, save money

Selfishness v. Selflessness

By Ely North, published on Apr 14, 2013

“All the joy the world contains has come through wishing happiness for others. All the misery the world contains has come from wishing pleasure for oneself.” ~Shantideva

During my early adulthood I did a lot of wishing pleasure for myself, and I made those selfish wishes come true. My greatest pleasures came from drinking alcohol and smoking drugs. I was still a productive member of society, but in my personal time I pursued my pleasures with the utmost zeal. I became very selfish with my time, dedicating it all to these pleasures. I didn’t care who I hurt or offended, because... (more)

Tags: selfish, selfishness, selfless, selflessness

Jealousy, Obsession, and a Crazy Girlfriend

By Ely North, published on Apr 10, 2013

Dear Ely,

My new girlfriend is jealous, obsessive, and possessive. She reads my e-mails and goes through my phone to check my calls, texts, and pictures. She gets furious if I talk to other women. I think she might be psychotic, and I know she’s dangerous. “If you leave me, I’ll hunt you down.” “If I ever catch you with another woman, I’ll kill the bitch. Then I’ll kill you.” These are the types of things she says to me every day. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks! I want to get away from her, but I’m afraid she’ll actually carry out her threats. She carries a... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, advice, possessive, relationship, obsessive, girlfriend, jealous

Anti-Bullying Help

By Ely North, published on Apr 3, 2013

Dear Ely,

I’m a forty-year-old computer engineer (in other words, a nerd), and I’m being bullied. A guy I work with always makes fun of me in front of our colleagues. I would be able to bear the hurtful insults, but he takes the abuse much farther. Sometimes when I’m in the men’s room he and his cronies corner me and beat me up. They punch me in the stomach and chest (so as not to leave any visible bruises) and take my lunch money. Then they dunk my head in the toilet until I agree to do all their work. This kind of thing has been happening my whole life, and I don’t know... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, advice, bullying, bully

Judgement and Hypocrisy

By Ely North, published on Apr 1, 2013

“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” ~Jesus H. Christ

Sometimes, I can be a downright judgmental prick. I constantly judge other people’s words, actions, and attitudes in comparison with my own ideals. I keep these judgments to myself because I don’t want to be rude or make people feel bad. It’s all for me: I condemn people in my mind in order to feel superior and boost my own self-esteem; I knock others down to build myself up.

When I pass these judgments, I always compare myself favorably with the behavior in question. “Look how sloppily that co-worker is dressed –... (more)

Tags: jesus, judgement, judge, hypocrisy

Affirmative Action Plan

By Ely North, published on Mar 27, 2013

Dear Ely,

I’m the senior partner of a law firm, and I’m in trouble. Our office is a very diverse workplace: we employ people of African, Latin American, Asian, Middle Eastern, and even Native American descent. There’s one racial/ethnic group that isn’t represented on our payroll, though, and this is where the trouble lies. Our local White Rights Alliance – a group that promotes the interests of white people in our community – is threatening to sue us because we don’t employ any Caucasians. They allege that we’re not an equal opportunity employer, we’re neglecting our affirmative... (more)

Tags: humor, funny, advice, equal opportunity, affirmative action

Live in the Now

By Ely North, published on Mar 25, 2013

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~Buddha

This profoundly obvious bit of ancient wisdom from the holy lips of the Buddha has evolved into a clichéd piece of popular advice in our modern society. Whenever people are preoccupied with something, we automatically instruct them to “Live in the now.” But don’t we all just naturally do this? Isn’t our default mental setting to pay attention to the present moment?

No, actually. Over several days of contemplating these words of wisdom I found that I rarely concentrate... (more)

Tags: philosophy, buddha, words of wisdom, presence, moment, live in the now

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