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Monday, October 23, 2017

40 results for 'alan handwerger'

The Heart of a Chef

By alan handwerger, published on Nov 5, 2009

     “Let’s buy another restaurant,” I said one evening at dinner to my unsuspecting wife – the very same wife who had made me promise, on the day that we had sold our last restaurant, that the next time I got the urge to own a restaurant, I would lie down on the floor until it passed.

     “No,” Lorrie responded.  There was really nothing to discuss.

     So be it.

 (more)

Tags: restaurant, food, humor chef

Me and My Anima

By alan handwerger, published on Nov 2, 2009

I love women. Always have, from a tender age, when Sally Ann’s grandmother caught us under the bed kissing and washed our three-year old mouths out with soap. I’ve had a girlfriend pretty much since that day.

By and large I have always preferred the company of women. They say I have a highly developed anima, which suggests, among other things, that I am capable of understanding women’s thoughts and feelings better than your average Joe. That this sensibility engenders trust is its own reward. That I came by it the hard way I am about to demonstrate.

‘But have... (more)

Tags: humor, relationships, memoir

Youth Soccer Remembered

By alan handwerger, published on Oct 31, 2009

I was impressed by the turnout.  There had to be at least a hundred parents jammed into the elementary school cafeteria on a rainy Sunday afternoon trying to get their kids signed up for soccer.  No one even played soccer when I was growing up.  We played football in the fall.

 Not that I have anything against soccer, although, truth be told, I don’t really understand all of the rules.  I’d been meaning to learn. 

 “We’re short one assistant coach for the 7-8-year olds,” said the league president, spying over the top... (more)

Tags: soccer, humor, family, sports

The French Waitress in My Bed

By alan handwerger, published on Oct 29, 2009

     A recent survey revealed that a vast majority of men on the planet had answered ‘Zero’ when posed the question: ‘How many times has a pretty French waitress appeared in your bedroom unsolicited?’

      Me, I answered ‘Once’. 

      There are times when you know that someone finds you attractive, and times that you’re not so sure. For instance, when the waitress you’ve been flirting with all night shows up at your house at midnight, having gotten your address off the check you used to pay for dinner, it’s a fairly... (more)

Tags: france, humor, short story, waitress

Misadventure is Where You Find It

By alan handwerger, published on Oct 28, 2009

     As I turned to look, she began to gyrate her hips in what I can only describe as a horrific attempt at seduction.  The undulation of her flab beneath the tight-fitting fabric reminded me somehow of the lava lamp that I used to keep on my bedside table back in the Sixties.  I was immediately transfixed.

     “Huge,” I volunteered involuntarily, realizing too late that my little voice had gotten out, and that the correct response would have been... (more)

Tags: humor, marriage

101 Uses for a Dead Chicken

By alan handwerger, published on Oct 19, 2009

101 Uses for a Dead Chicken

      For a number of years now I’ve been working on a cookbook that contains only recipes for chicken.  Chicken that’s roasted and chicken that’s stewed.  Chicken that’s braised and chicken that’s fried.  Chicken in salads, in sandwiches, in soups, on pizzas …. You get the drift.

     And then it struck: chef/writer’s block.  I was out of recipes;... (more)

Tags: humor, pets, cooking

The Food Stinks And The Portions Are Too Small

By alan handwerger, published on Aug 3, 2009

The Food Stinks and the Portions Are Too Small

Most chefs have a favorite dish. Mine, unequivocally, is Steak Frites, a classic and inexpensive dish that can be found in just about any café in France. It is a simple preparation, my version involving a thin piece of sirloin strip and French fries.

To prepare Steak Frites, you take the meat and sear it on both sides in a really hot pan, preferably cast iron. Use either butter or olive oil as your fat. It cooks very quickly. You then remove the meat, throw some finely... (more)

Tags: france, restaurant

The Food Stinks And The Portions Are Too Small

By alan handwerger, published on Jul 21, 2009

The Food Stinks and the Portions Are Too Small

Most chefs have a favorite dish. Mine, unequivocally, is Steak Frites, a classic and inexpensive dish that can be found in just about any café in France. It is a simple preparation, my version involving a thin piece of sirloin strip and French fries.

To prepare Steak Frites, you season the meat with salt and pepper; then sear it on both sides in a really hot pan, preferably cast iron. Use either butter or olive oil as your fat. It cooks very quickly. You then remove the meat, throw some finely... (more)

Tags: france, restaurant

The Night No One Talked About Real Estate

By alan handwerger, published on Jul 17, 2009

The Night No One Talked About Real Estate

It seems that as you get older, you tend not to form many new friendships. Maybe it’s because your dance card is fairly full just keeping up with the friends and family you already have. And I suppose this would change if you were to move somewhere where you didn’t know many people.

Anyway, my wife, Lorrie, and I went out for a drink with the Palmers, a couple we hardly knew, last night. The four of us had been promising to do this for quite some time.

There’s no denying... (more)

Tags: medicine, music, restaurant, sex, real estate

Earning My Stripes

By alan handwerger, published on Jul 15, 2009

Earning My Stripes

“You really should get dressed,” she suggested, she being my wife, Lorrie, who had evidently failed to note that I already was dressed. “I don’t want to miss the silent auction.”

“I am dressed,” I pointed out.

“You can’t go like that.”

“Fine,” I said, and headed sullenly for my closet. Off with the shorts; off with the perfectly clean tee shirt. Let’s see, then. Pants: Khaki … or Khaki? Not the 32s; not the 34s.... (more)

Tags: restaurant

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