Monday, July 16, 2018

7 results for 'Aaron S.'

Aspiring Journalist Excited To Write For Online Paper

By Aaron S., published on Mar 27, 2008

Gina Harwick, sophomore student at Cal State University Northridge, has recently discovered a new outlet for her substandard creative writing passion:, an open-membership online citizen's newspaper. Harwick, an English major on academic probation for the third time since she started her academic career, is excited by the prospect at writing stories so that "everyone to read about the interesting stuff in my crazy world."

"There are stories everywhere! Just the other day my cousin said something really cute about birds and how they walk funny sometimes. I can't wait to... (more)

Tags: hockey, jesus, lesbian, broowaha, obama

'Surprise! I'm Going To Attack Your Country!

By Aaron S., published on Feb 14, 2008

With just under 340 days left in office, sources in the Bush administration are hinting giddily that President Bush plans to celebrate his final months in the White House with a surprise invasion of a yet-to-be disclosed country. Insiders, of course, have been hush-hush about the attack, saying they don't want to spoil the surprise.

"I just can't wait for America to hear the news!" said Joshua Bolton, Chief of Staff. "We're going all out with this one: bombs, planes, artillery, tanks, armored cavalary, the works. We'll also have bean dip and guacamole for guests. It really will be the... (more)

Tags: obama

POW Buddies Launch Campaign Against Mccain's Many Faces

By Aaron S., published on Feb 11, 2008

In yet another twist to the ever-changing political landscape of 2008, a group of two Vietnam veterans and pro-Huckabee supporters have banded together to form 'Vietnam Veterans against the Many Frightening Faces of John McCain,' or FJM for short, claiming that the leading Republican candidate's facial contortions will spark unwanted hostility from foreign nations, damage domestic goodwill, and scare the shit out of everyone.

Randy Zenker, 68 year old resident of Phoenix and fellow guest of the Hanoi Hilton (the POW camp which also housed McCain), leads the charge of the FJM against... (more)

Tags: mccain

Apple Introduces Dennis Monk-world's Smallest Mac User

By Aaron S., published on Jan 16, 2008

“I got the sense that people weren’t as thrilled as we were with the Macbook Air, so I spoke with John Ive (Apple’s Chief Designer) and he told me about a Black Project even I didn’t know was going on.” Indeed, the Macworld community left out a depressed sigh at the sight of the Macbook Air, hailed by the computer company as the ‘World’s Thinnest Notebook.” When Jobs noticed that they weren’t impressed, he was up to the new challenge.

“And there’s one more thing,” uttered Jobs on Tuesday during... (more)

Tags: san francisco, iphone

Gimme my Green Christmas - EcoGift Expo

By Aaron S., published on Dec 13, 2007

Even if my strip dreidel game ended last night with my pants off, the holiday cheer rages on for most of the city. The spiked apple cider is broowing, zig-zag wrappers now come in Christmas colors, and the dwarf-sized skating rink in Santa Monica is open for business. But the holidays, whatever your religion, are about presents – getting or giving. This weekend only, you’ll be able to get your fix at the Eco Gift Shopping Festival, taking place at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium at 1855 Main Street. Doors are open from 9-8 on Saturday, and 9-5 on Sunday. Whether you’re struggling to... (more)

Tags: religion, jazz, santa monica

Bachelor ready to 'pull girls, with pimped out room'

By Aaron S., published on Nov 28, 2007

With a 'Pimp my room' strategy in place, Jeff Gunnery is confident he'll soon have the proper facilities to meet and bed hordes of women. "You ever see a pimped out Gun room?" said the 23 year-old resident of Culver City. "This is where the bar is gonna be at, right here's where I'll put the Flat Screen, and the lamp might go here, so that the ladies think I'm sensitive and shit." Gunnery is a 2007 graduate of Cal State Northridge, where he majored in Accounting. He has had no involvement in interior decorating till now, but is relishing every moment. "Sometimes you gotta man up, go to IKEA,... (more)

Tags: sex

Mideast conference spirals out of control in falafel fight

By Aaron S., published on Nov 6, 2007

Israeli and Palestinian leaders gathered in Nablus today to discuss agenda items for the upcoming peace conference in Annapolis, only to have the scheduled three-hour meeting erupt into a massive falafel ball food fight. Prime Minister Ehud Olmert met with Mahmoud Abbas in the home of Ahmed Ashish, a local goat herder. Both leaders arrived at noon with their respective entourages and gifts. Sources allege that Olmert presented Abbas with Lonely Planet USA Road Trip! and inscribed (in Arabic): "Hey dude! I figure you'll never see any of these places. But one day, perhaps. Or just give it to... (more)


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