I need some advice. Please help. I have never been good with relationships. I actually have had just one. When it comes to guys it’s either all the way or nothing at all. No interest whatsoever. I really like this guy but I messed up and now he has the wrong impression of me. How do I tell him I want to get to know him and it’s not going to be a quickie?
~The Quickie Monster
Dear Quickie Monster,
First rule of thumb: You will never control what others think of you but you can control how you think about yourself.
Sounds to me like you’re the one who needs to change your behavior and in turn, others will usually follow suit. Most people don’t form opinions out of thin air so it’s due time you start putting out into the world who you really are and not what you want others to think you are. That takes courage but anything worth its reward does. You said you’ve always had trouble with relationships which sounds like you get yourself in this predicament quite often. As I’ve said in the past, forgive yourself of this behavior but take the steps necessary to change it. Honesty (no surprise there) is the only way to go in this situation and ANY situation. Sounds like you’ve crossed the line already and the only way to move forward is by being upfront with them. Tell this person why you felt the need or desire to put yourself out there like that (fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, drunk and horny, etc) and say you would really love it if he was able to look past that and start over again. Listen, if he is already judging you, this might not be the person you ultimately want to be with anyway. I’m just saying. So many of us have made decisions in the moment that we might not make again if circumstances were different, so none of us have room to judge. If this guy wants to hold on to this impression of you for dear life, then that usually says something about him. You need to own up to your behavior, take the steps necessary to change it (if you want to), and then move along. Hopefully if this guy is worth something, he will be able to let it go and the two of you can move forward. If he can’t, then take the lesson and for next time, be bold enough to put out into the world exactly who you are and make no apologies for it. This experience could be the icing on the cake to push you in the direction of finally making that change within, so you can finally have that relationship you deserve. The right guy is out there when you are ready to find him. But first you must be the right girl to be found. Best of luck!
*For daily inspiration and to find out more about me, please feel free to check out my website www.sharingwithshari.com . You can also follow me around the streets of Los Angeles as I ramble on about philosophy, spirituality or anything for that matter on my webseries, "Dashboard Confessions" at www.youtube.com/sharig74. Also, on Wednesdays, you can find my inspirational column right here under “Dear Shari.”