What doesn't make sense? Everything. All these years gone by and still the same issue. How does one recognize real love? I'm not without some bit of understanding. Yes, I know that love is more than an emotion. I know love is action and sticking through the worst of times and not just enjoying the ride...er relationship. But I'm sick. I really mean it. My stomach gets all turned upside down even thinking about it.
Why can't love be like a great meal? I love shrimp cocktail, Caeser salad, T-bone steak or Prime rib. And oh, let's consider a nice chocolate mousse. But I can't find it made with milk chocolate. There's always that semi-sweet chocolate and then some sort of alcohol. I don't like alcohol. It just ruins the taste. And semi-sweet...well it's sweet or it's not. And semi-sweet is not sweet. Okay. I veered from LOVE to chocolate. Hmm, maybe that tells me something.
I have read poetry and amazing articles that talk about love, finding love, experiencing true love and making a lot of love. But I'm not sure that I really get it. And in my mid 40s, shouldn't I be able to get it? What am I missing? Apparently, I'm missing quite a bit.
It would be helpful if love were a color. I could handle seeing periwinkle or magenta everyday. Anything in the reds, blues, purples spectrum would all work as well. Love has been described, analyzed, diagnosed, found, crushed, beaten, killed, made, revived, lifted up high, given, taken, fought over and...well, choose your verb of choice. I still don't get it. I don't get what that 'it' is.
I understand loving my children. I understand the compassion that I love to share when I can. I understand my love for peanut butter cravings and vinegar-soaked cucumber slices. I understand my deep love for the sound of the ocean where God lives. But it all comes back to not understanding what love is, what it really looks like and tastes like and sounds like. I mean more than the hot, sweaty, crazy kind. Even hours of that isn't 'it.'
So, if I don't know what love is, how can I know how to recognize it if this "I don't know" shows up on my doorstep? How does anyone ever know if what he or she thinks is love, really is love anyway?
It should be noted that I've taken plenty of 'Rate Your Love' tests, too. Truth be told, after the first few tests, the tests themselves became more of something to do than something that would provide any real answer. And of course, I didn't find out what the 'it' was that defined love or if I had 'it' or even some of 'it' but the love tests did pass the time.
No matter what I read, listen to, watch, experience or what not, I'm at my wits end. So, what is love? What does it look like, sound like, feel like and where in the world can you find it? If you know where love is, can you provide an address?
And one more thing. When you find love, how in the world do you keep it?