Thursday, July 19, 2018

420 Reasons to Quit Drinking

I know many people say that pot is evil, but it has helped me to turn my life around and get healthy..with a little help from Lady Cannabis.

I wanted to get a medical marijuana card, so I went to this place and I should have known it was a scam when I saw the doctors were named Seuss, Pepper & Doolittle. No paperwork. No exam. The "doctor" (a hot Asian woman) just asked me “Why do you need the medical weed?” I told her I have this constant ringing in my ears. It’s my wife bitching about the fact that I’m stoned all the time. So, they gave me the card. And afterwards the doctor gave me a happy ending, which I thought was nice. And then later we went to dinner and to a movie. Value-added customer service—it’s important, so I gave them a great review on Yelp.

It's not the same old weed that was brown and full of stems and seeds when I started smoking the herb way way back in 1972. I was 14 and some guys turned me onto it behind St. Bede's school in La Canada, Calif. The old marijuana gave me a light buzz and I definitely enjoyed it. Luckily ther nuns didn't know I was high. But, the new medical pot today is so strong; it’s grown by these master botanists. So, eventually I had to cut way back. I bought this book called “Thinking Outside the Bong.” And it’s helped.

Does smoking pot make you smarter? I don’t know, but the neighbor’s cat started coming over in the afternoons to watch Judge Judy and I started blowing weed smoke in his face. And he liked it! And then eventually I fashioned this crude little kitty bong for him from an old can of Fancy Feast, taught him how to use the tiny carburetor with his paw, and after about a year of that, he started to change. He’s tapped into his creative side. He’s making crop circles in his litter box and the other day he kicked my ass in Scrabble. We got into an argument, because he insisted that "hairball' is one word, but I told him he’s high.

28 months ago I had to quit drinking. Now, I use my medical marijuana on a limited basis. I vaporize it primarily before I exercise. It helps me to forget about the pain associated with lifting weights, etc. I swim a mile almost very day now, and I love it. Catching a buzz before jumping in the pool helps me to get lost in my random thoughts, so that I can fight off my ADD and finish my workout.

It should be 100% legal and I can attest to the fact that it has helped me tremendously in the process of losing in excess of 100 pounds. I'm not recommending it--make your own decision, which I'm sure you already have. But, from my perspective, medical marijuana has worked for me and offers 420 reasons to never imbibe in booze ever again. Plus with medical marijuana vending machines popping up - things are even better.

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Ed Attanasio is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on 420 Reasons to Quit Drinking

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By Shari G on June 30, 2011 at 02:09 pm

Thanks for the laughter! And the desire to want to get high. lol. :)

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By Jack Bates on July 14, 2011 at 03:26 pm just keep getting better and surprising us. I needed a good laugh at work today, THANKS!

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By kAlIKoPELI on November 07, 2011 at 09:20 pm

Thanks for the chuckle... "those were the days..."

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By D. Sager on November 19, 2011 at 07:56 pm

LMAO! Great piece bro!

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