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Sunday, December 17, 2017

Help me from taking someone's head off!

Credit: (c) Jason Davis
Sunshine, smiles and love

A hairdresser writes in wanting to know how to stay positive in a negative work environment?!

Dear Shari...

I'M A HAIR STYLIST AND NOT EVERY CLIENT THAT SIT IN MY CHAIR HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS TOWARD ME. =( I FEEL THAT I'M A VERY NICE PERSON MAYBE TO NICE LOL, BUT I REALLY ENJOY HELPING PEOPLE AND MAKING THEM FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES. I HAVE A FEW CLIENTS THAT R VERY JEALOUS OF MY CREATIVE MIND LOVING HEART AND JEALOUS OF THE THINGS THEY THINK I HAVE. GOD HAS BLESSED ME SO MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE I'M DOING WELL BUT MY POCKETS SAIDS OTHER WISE LOL. SOME OF THEIR ENERGY IS SO BAD IT SICKEN ME. I DO MY BEST TO AVOID THEIR APTS BUT IF I NEED MONEY I HAVE TO PERFORM THE SERVICE. =( DURING THE SERVICE I CAN FEEL THE BAD ENERGY AND I GET SO FEED UP WITH THE SIDE COMMENTS TO UNDER CUT ME SO I WORK HARDER TO UPLIFT THEM SO THEY WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES, BUT IT DON'T CHANGE THEM. I WAS GOING TO CANCEL WHEN I SEEN UR STATUS ABOUT NOT RUNNING ANDS SO I DID IT ~I WAS STRONG BUT I JUST WANT TO SCREAM SOMETIMES I AM SO TIRED OF JEALOUS PEOPLE. I'M BLESSED FOR MY TALENTS BUT I SOMETIMES THINK ITS A GIFT AND A CURSE. I WANT TO STAY POSITIVE AND JUST IGNORE IT BUT ANOTHER SIDE OF ME WANT TO CUSS THEM OUT PLEASE HELP!! HOW DO U HANDLE A PEOPLE WHO U KNOW!! HATES UR GUTS BUT SMILE IN UR FACE WITH OUT FEELING DRAINED AFTER THE SERVICE!! HELLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks,

Hopeless Hairdresser

First off, BREATHE. Okay, now smile. Now breathe.

I’m very sorry that you are going through this. Shoot, I’m having similar issues in my own life so I completely get where you are coming from. Here is the difference. I have made the changes. I will not allow anyone to take my joy, happiness or anything from me for that matter. That means, nobody, and I mean nobody has the right to negatively take over your headspace, heartspace or any space! I understand about finances, trust me on that. I just made a major decision in my job front and I will be cutting back on my income but the peace of mind that comes in other ways, is worth any amount of money! If you need to cancel them as clients, then you need to. You have to believe and know within your own heart, faith, belief (whatever you want to call it), that God, universe, mom (whomever) will provide for you. When your heart is in the right place and you are OPEN to receiving all of life’s blessings, you will always be taken care of. I repeat, OPEN to receiving.

Now let’s move on to the subjects at hand. Of course it’s difficult to know want to knock somebody’s block off (I’ve never used that phrase before) when they are being downright rude, disrespectful and hurtful. I mean, we are humans with feelings. HOWEVER, when we stop and do what my first instruction was (breathe), and then we really look within ourselves and see what it is that is really nagging at us that they are doing, we usually find out that it’s something within us that we need to heal. Whether it’s the constant concern of others judgements on us or whether it’s that particular person bringing up something from your past, or whatever it is. No matter what the reason is, there is always a reason as to why we just can’t brush it off our shoulders. That’s something we have to look at. Then of course there comes good ol’ compassion. I think more than anything, when we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and realize that for whatever reason they are judging you or being rude to you, there is something going on in their lives that if we knew about, we probably would be a lot more understanding. Does that give them the reason to be rude to us? Absolutely not! However, we will NEVER change anyone and the only thing that we are in control of, is our emotions and reactions to others. So if you find yourself not being able to handle the unfair and rude comments, either you really have to stop taking those appointments or you have to learn to find a way to deal with it. Either way, it’s ultimately in your control. But sitting back and being upset over people’s obvious rude ways is not helping yourself.

Another important lesson, never ever be kind to others or give to others in the expectation of getting anything in return. More often than not, the people that you are good and kind to usually aren’t the ones whom return it. That doesn’t mean of course that it doesn’t come back to you. Of course it does. But in other ways and through other people. We should be kind and loving simply because it IS who we are. Period. There is no such thing as being “too kind”. You either are that person or you aren’t that person. The difference is knowing when to walk away from a unhealthy or negative situation. Look deeper into why you give so much if you find yourself upset that you aren’t getting back. You could be doing it for the wrong reasons.

Lastly, (and you might not like this one too much) a lot of times if we find ourselves in situations that repeat themselves, we have to start looking within. If you are finding people that YOU think are jealous of you and so in turn are unkind, then perhaps the perception you hold of them being jealous of you makes you give off a certain energy to people that might be ‘better than’ or ‘condescending’. Again, this might just be a one time situation, but you honestly have to do some self-analyzing and see where you play a part in this. Trust me on this one too, there are plenty of us out there (myself included) that think we are acting in a certain ways sometimes and come to find out that it isn’t being perceived that way. Remember, we all tell our own stories in our heads and so our reality is based solely on that perception. There are plenty of beautiful and talented women out there that don’t have any issues with jealousy from others. Just something to think about.

So to summarize, look within and see where you might be playing a part in this. Have compassion for what might be causing them to act in this way and try to see them through the eyes of love. Hey, even ask them directly (kindly of course) if you've done anything wrong to them that they are making these comments? Sometimes, people just aren't aware. Lastly, if you've done all of that, then you just might need to find some new clients. Most importantly, don't ever stop being kind because of the select few that might not be. If everybody gave up on who they were and what they believed in because of other's reactions or behaviors, there would be no civil rights, womens right or anyone's rights.

I hope this helped you and I really hope that things improve! Keep smiling with your heart and know that all will be fine. Always.

Lots of Love,

Shari

*For daily inspiration or to find out more about me, visit my website at www.sharingwithshari.com. You can also email your questions for next week's column at shari@sharingwithshari.com. Looking forward to hearing from you!



About the Writer

Shari G is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on Help me from taking someone's head off!

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By Angie Alaniz on June 17, 2011 at 02:26 pm

Great article Shari, and really *great advice.

I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to whats next.

I also found it funny that after I read the letter from the hairdresser, I had the "exact" words in my head you did. I was thinking,...."breathe already". :)

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By Shari G on June 17, 2011 at 03:01 pm

When you see someone venting like that without even punctuation, it was making me hold my breath. That was my first thought. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully she gets something out of it. I think most people forget how much in control they really are of their own lives and the people they choose to surround themselves with. Sometimes you have to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough. Hopefully this helps her look at herself and situation a bit more closely. Thank you for reading and your comment!! :)

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By Caballero_69 on June 17, 2011 at 04:13 pm

Shari,

I like the emphasis you give to the power within us and how that can drastically change how we perceive things, how we react to thing and our general sense of this thing called life is. Too many times in my life I have momentarily allowed external events of mundane proportions to distort my view of the world and disturb my inner equilibrium.

What you say is not easy to consistently put in practice based on my own experience and observations, but it is definitely worth the effort to do so.

Thanks for offering genuinely worthwhile advice to a person in need and to all of us who read your column.

Good luck with those changes! I hope you and they get to the place you intended when you made them.

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