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My son trains with a former Wake Forest b-ball player but..

by BusinessLife (writer), The Carolinas, April 18, 2011

Credit: Photodisc
Tick tock. I watch the clock. My son is going to blow!

This Wednesday, my son will be building up pressure and rage and getting ready to blow a gasket. Let me explain.

It all started...well, honestly, I really don't know when it all started. I can't exactly pinpoint the moment that everything went completely haywire.

I mean, really. I got married. I found out I was pregnant. I ate well.

I fell in love with Edy's chocolate mint chip ice cream and ended up writing the company, receiving free coupons. (You would have thought they would have hooked a pregnant lady up with some 50 or so half gallons. Sigh.)

So, anyway. Here I was, soon enough giving birth to my first child, a boy 7 lbs 5 oz. I read to him. I sang to him. I played with him. He grew and still I read to him. I sang to him. But he decided he didn't want me to sing anymore. And I played with him.

He went to school and I went to school once a week to read to his class. I helped him with his homework and we prayed every night.

Then, he turned 12-years-old. The door was shut when he took a shower. I couldn't see him change his shirt even though I had changed enough diapers for four children. No more kisses in public. No more holding hands in public.

Then, he turned 13-years-old. He soon tested me by 'running away' and hiding at the football field where his brother had played. It was during my younger son's awards ceremony. The sheriff was called and kids, men and women were all calling my son's name, certain that he would turn up.

I received my son back some 90 minutes later after my son decided to turn on his phone, call me and tell me where he was AND THEN a coach and the man in charge of the field gave him a few choice words. Following this, I also received the worst migraine of my life that lasted a week.

Well, this all leads to today or what will happen this Wednesday, April 20. My son has been given the privilege to have one-on-one training sessions with a former Wake Forest basketball player. There are several NFL and college football and basketball players who work out at our same gym, too.

While my son has been given the privilege to train with this amazing athlete twice a week, he has also been giving me the bullcrap of disrespecting me every moment he can.

Today, his trainer and I came up with a plan. If he couldn't be respectful to me, he had no right to train with a successful athlete. His trainer decided to spend his hour today shooting ball, not really working out but just chatting with him about respect and what needed to happen.

Let me cut to the chase. He dished out a few extra heapings of disrespect directly following his training.

  • He walked away from me and went outside of the basketball court to shoot some hoops in the game area, although he is not allowed to be alone in this area without an adult.
  • When I asked him to come back in the gym. He told me he didn't have to and he was going to continue shooting. Even after I told him very firmly, with clenched teeth that he was to immediately follow me into the gym, he didn't even look at me but kept shooting basketballs. I left and within 5 minutes he returned to the gym on his own terms, of course.
  • He left shortly after to get water without telling me.
  • While 10 great athletes got together to play some ball, my son continued to shoot his basketball when the game moved to the opposite end of the court. The ball rolled into the game once. Luckily, the player that stopped the ball didn't take it and play a little dodgeball with my son as the target. Why would they? These high school, college and a few older athletes understand respect and don't lose their temper for no reason.
  • As his trainer, who is also my personal trainer and the others playing basketball were wrapping up a nice 40-minute game, I asked my son to stop bouncing the ball. He stared right into my eyes, kept bouncing the ball and walked right towards me. I tried to grab the ball. He pulled it away from my reach. I finally got it out of his hands. He left the court.

After surpassing my limit for his &^(&^$%(*), I told his trainer the following:

This Wednesday, my son will be coming to train. However, what he won't know is that his younger brother will spend the hour playing ball and also frisbee basketball while he will sit for an entire hour on the floor of the basketball court, watching his brother have fun. My older son will not be allowed to speak, to get up from the floor or leave for any reason. He will have to wait until the hour is over if he needs to use the restroom.

My dilemma is this: Once that hour is up, all bets are off. I can imagine he will slam the door when he gets in the car. He will slam the car door when we get home. He will throw things, break things and cause a massive 13-year-old tantrum in his room, probably tearing it apart.

Any and all ideas to prepare my massive militaristic plan of attack and/or protection for this Wednesday will be appreciated with many thanks.

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BusinessLife is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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7 comments on My son trains with a former Wake Forest b-ball player but..

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on April 18, 2011 at 10:02 pm

haha, i cant wait to reaf the follow-up on this sure itll be interesting.

basketball? thats not a sport of diciplin (my opionion). your kid needs a former trainer of a world champion fighter. shootin' hoops and yappin' aint gonna solve it. that kid needs to sweat and punch the heavy bag until he cant lift up his arms anymore. he'll be too tired to throw a fit at you...believe me!

send him to a boxin' gym, champ...

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By BusinessLife on April 18, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Mean Mike...There is a punching bag at our gym. And believe me, when he trains, he does a heck of a lot of running including suicides and laps around the court, etc. Today was a day to try to chat, connect and lay down the law from someone he actually respects.

I just need to have something in place once that hour is over. Or else, I'm BEEEEEP!

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By BusinessLife on April 19, 2011 at 07:06 am

Actually, I am contemplating a bit of "Glory Road" mixed in with "Madea."

In Glory Road, a college student who has a basketball scholarship isn't maintaining his GPA. He's been told what will happen but still spends his time foolishly. The consequence? His mom shows up and attends every one of her son's classes. When the teacher asks a question, she says, "My son, Harold can answer that." Both my boys know that I have threatened to do this should things become this out of hand with grades or lack of information about school and school friends. (My 13-year-old is past due.)

Then, there's the character in the Madea movies. She quickly modifies behavior by applying the Madea Method. She communicates what she wants. If the child does not do what she says, she smacks him or her. The child does not talk back or disrespect her again. Of course, she has a good 100 lbs. or so on me.

There is the thought that I could have a different trainer take him on and give him time to use that Mean Mike punching bag idea, treadmill and so on until he lacks any energy to even open his mouth to speak rudely to me for the remainder of the day...maybe.

Oh, and Jen and Tonic: He's not a bad egg. He is brilliantly smart. Many people say that he and I are very similar.

As far as asserting myself, it doesn't work much as he won't listen or obey. I can tell him what to do, I can simply ask him a question...he won't do what is asked...simple one: "Honey, would you please put your dish in the dishwasher?" Then there's, "Jake (not his name)." He will refuse to answer.

I have taken his lifeline, his computer away for a day. As soon as he gets it again, the attitude and disrespect comes back. I take the computer away again. Two days later when he gets it back, the attitude and disrespect comes back.

As amazing, smart, creative and talented as he is and can be, he refuses to obey me. And he is teaching his younger brother some unhealthy tips of defying mom. Although his younger brother is still easy to talk to and talk with, for the most part or at least for now.

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By BusinessLife on April 19, 2011 at 01:30 pm

Ed, you are such a wise lion. Maybe that's why you lead so well here and elsewhere in a variety of areas. I'll be honest. I was driving around thinking about one time in the past week that I really saw a change in my son. He decided that he would not participate in my friend's birthday party. That meant I had to stay home with him. Say what you like, but at 13, there are too many choices available to him that I would prefer not to offer while home alone.

Anyway, it caused a big rift between my friend and their family as this was a last minute change. The cake was made to suit both my boys' tastes for chocolate.

After dropping my youngest off at a friend's house, I walked back in to our home, walked into my room and shut the door. I said nothing to him the remainder of the day or night. He opened my door and I told him, "I did not say you could open my door. Get out!" He left.

He was very quiet later that night when I went to put out his medicine.

Currently, I'm wondering if he spent an hour with another trainer (male) being pushed to run, punch a punching bag and so on for an hour, getting all of his frustrations out and understanding that basketball training would only be available when he decided to change his attitude might be more constructive...both from the standpoint of venting for him and understanding that disrespect comes with a tough price of working out hard...really hard. I don't want this to be with his basketball trainer as I want that relationship to remain positive. A little more than 24 hours and counting. Considering any/all additional suggestions....

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By BusinessLife on April 19, 2011 at 06:09 pm

I have come up with a plan after meeting with my son's doctor. Tomorrow will be a tough day for both my son and for me. Don't know why but I'm pretty nervous. Details forthcoming in Part Two.

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on April 19, 2011 at 09:44 pm

like jen, im not a parent either so maybe im no good for advice. its a bummer you gotta go through that.

thats the difference between ed and me....ed thinks before he takes action. im still at the kick your ass stage and ask questions later.

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By BusinessLife on April 19, 2011 at 09:52 pm

Mean Mike - This is a first, hard and scary big step for me. I honestly have tried so many alternatives. We have had one-on-one outings. We have tried counseling. And as a therapist who has watched my son grow from the age of 7, she tells me I have to stand up for myself in this way for both of us. He understands sports ethics. As a boy, he is not a great communicator. The therapist sees my son being allowed to take out his aggression and also feel physically what may be his personal definition of the pain of disrespect, a way to unclog the understanding of just how painful it is to be disrespected and how much better it is to use the gym to burn off stress but make better choices with burning comments and talking back to 'mom.' :) And that Madea movie coming out this weekend, Mike? It's got kick butt ALLL OVER IT!! When it's out in RedBox, the boys and I are sure to be renting and viewing it. I like to remind them what others do to slap sense into others. And how I continue to pursue calm and controlled conversation and words rather than smacking some of dis and some of dat.

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