In a world where the odds of divorce outway the odds of staying married, one has to acknowledge the determination, dedication, and committment of a couple that lasts through the test of time. Or do we?
During those 20yrs, 30yrs, 40yrs there was bound to be times when things were rough. It couldn't all be smooth sailing, right? Makes you wonder what hardships, turmoil, challenges they had to overcome. How many occurances during the course of their marriage arose where divorce was contemplated? Is it realistic to think no one ever strayed? Got bored? Reached their tolerance level with the other? Wanted something else? or Someone else? Surely through financials hardships, child bearing, career problems, and just plain changing as an individual, this had to occur didn't it?
Yes, it did. Most of the couples that have stayed together and survived the wear and tear of a relationship did have their share of challenges. So why did their marriage last while so many others don't? Why do so many more marriage end today then used to be?
Do I dare to speculate? Yes, of course. I have many opinions on this matter but I will share one new opinion. Could it be that rather than face the humiliation of divorce, starting over, breaking up their home, being on their own, alone, these individuals in these marriages chose instead to hide their struggles rather than have the world know they failed? Failed to live up to their word? Failed to make their significant other happy/satisfied?
I reflect back on my own life. In every circumstance where a relationship went bad I had a choice to make. Stay with the guy, working through what happened, or move on and face the judgements and opinions cast by those around me. Three times in my life, I was faced with this choice. I could have stayed with my husband even after he had an affair with my brothers wife. I could have stayed with the guy using me for a greencard and pretend every thing was fine. In both cases I could have hidden the truth and lived a lie rather than face the cruel judgements and opinions cast on me by those around me. The judgements that said "wow, why can't she keep a man?" or "she's bad judge of character" or "she has baggage."
I could still be living the perfect little picture perfect white picket fence life. Nice house, nice career, family acitivities, family vacations, two cute dogs, active lifestyle, etc. etc. I just had to suck it up and move on, hide the truth, avoid the truth, the reality and live a lie. But I chose to stand up for myself and not settle. Now I pay the price.
Those who chose to live with the mistakes, and hide reality are viewed as having a strong marriage, a respectable life. As for people like me? Well, imagine every judgement that can be made. Forget that this high school drop out teenage mother made something of herself, rising to the top of her company, am independant, reliable, have never wronged anyone. My daughters are amazing with good heads on their shoulders, my section of the company out performs so many others. I receive help from no-one. Morals and ethics still in place. Integrity present at all times. All because I'm too proud to allow people in my life who aren't worth the time of day. All because I have standards on behavior and what kind of person I will allow in my life. Certain mistakes are not forgiveable. Because I won't accept mediocricy, I'm the one judged. Interesting.