Monday, September 24, 2018

Give someone a cake, and of course they'll eat it.

by rosenvegas (writer), Las Vegas, NV, April 06, 2011

What else would you expect? Someone explain the logic behind "having your cake and eating it too". Of course you'll eat it, what else are you to do with it?

Over the years I've heard this phrase used mulitple, times usually in the same situation. To describe someone who is greedy and wants more than they should have. Someone who is spoiled and not satisfied with what they have. But does that really fit the meaning behind the saying? Have your cake and eat it too? Or "Wants to have their cake and eat it too?"

In relationships this usually refers to a lack of monogamy. So I share this advice and hope you recognize this person immediately and don't think you may be the exception.

Upon meeting someone, it is not uncommon to discover a little about their past, including relationships. I recommend digging deep. Stay unemotional so they are comfortably sharing with you. Perhaps even share some of your own deeds, or make up some and see if they decide to cough up some of their own dirt.

Initially my understanding of why this guys previous relationship didn't last was due to an age difference and her inability to provide for a child that he might someday want. Makes sense, I bought it. Fast forward 4 months after meeting and I've heard multiple references to the future possibilties for our relationship. No promises but just that good things seemed possible in our future. My heart is beginning to be invested to the point where the title "dating" has begun to leave a bit of a sting and bitter taste in my mouth. I had been told my heart was wanted, even had permission to fall in love. However, was still not comfortable stating how I felt. I'd heard this before, unfortuantely for those sincere, they are guilty until proven innocent in my eyes thanks to several skeletons in my closet.

Over the past 4 months I had gathered bits and pieces of information that began to not add up, but rather, overlap. I began to find inconsistency in dates and the lengths of time of relationships, etc. Facebook comments were from times when he was supposedly dating someone else....those types of overlapping dates. Come to find out the relationship he had been in had been one where he could "have his cake and eat it to" he explained to me. He had the best of both worlds. When she didn't have her kids with her, they were a couple. When the kids were home with her, he was a bachelor. If things were rocky between them, he was definately a bachelor. During these times of being a bachelor he would try and find someone worth being in a more committed relationship with. When that would fail, he returned to his previoius relationship, and like many women, she took him back.

Now there are several problems with this scenario. I won't begin to digest them for you. However, this guy was living most guys dreams. So what was the problem? Now that he wanted a real relationship he was having trouble shifting to the accepted normal behaviors and priviledges that come with a real realtsionship. He stated to me, it was great, however, he hoped it hadn't ruined him.

To his surprise, I truly understood this. I had been a member on a dating website, this is how we met, and had learned what it was like to be a "kid in a candy store." It was hard to pick just one! After some time, I realized I was never going to find what I was really after if I too was acting like a kid in a candy store. I admit that at times I ahve found myself curious as to who is on match or found myself curious about those I never said yes to for a date. So, yes, I understood where he was coming from. So whats the difference? Well, he was my exception. My opinion and feelings towards him were so high i wouldn't risk losing him. I guess I wanted to be his exception. I'm not sure I will be. He's trying hard to convince me. Hopefully he doesn't inspire anymore unpleasant aritcles.

About the Writer

rosenvegas is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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