Friday, November 16, 2018

NCAA: Charlie Sheen screwed up 2011 Tournament Picks

Credit: It's parody
And you think I'm messed up? What were they smoking and where can I get some

NCAA attempts to link Men’s Basketball Selection Committee debauchery to Charlie Sheen. Even Charlie ain't that messed up

If allegations concerning Charlie Sheen’s illicit and by all accounts prodigious Drug use, his patronization of hookers and his penchant for partying with porn stars wasn’t the envy of heterosexual males the world over, the NCAA publicly announced that Sheen “in all probability” was behind the simply abysmal tournament selections made by the NCAA 2011 Men’s basketball Tournament Selection Committee. Reeling from the well deserved criticism and in what many believe is the closest thing the NCAA is ever going to offer as an explanation, Sheen’s involvement was leaked to the media by an unnamed NCAA gopher (probably the Athletic Director at a state college) and was considered a low blow even by NCAA standards. Standards which officially the NCAA does not possess in the first place. Those needing an example of the lack of standards at the NCAA should ask the NCAA Bureaucrats what the selection committee used as criteria.

Most in the sporting world immediately discounted Sheen’s involvement as even in a drug crazed stupor Sheen would not have put VCU or UAB into the tournament ahead of Colorado or Virginia Tech. Sheen a Southern Californian going so far as speculating that USC called in some markers for this one.

In Charlie’s emotionally charged response described by many as glaringly nonchalant, he denied having anything at all to do with the inept and downright disturbing tournament field, disavowing any contact with the selection committee and was adamant that under no circumstances would he knowingly travel to Indianapolis. For their part, it’s not like city officials in Indianapolis are standing around waiting to present Charlie with a key to the city.

Sheen privately stating that even in a mind cluttered with the copious residue of drugs, hookers and porn, he still retains full control of his bowels, gag reflex (which the brackets exercised) and that part of his imagination where BYU is a three seed. A representative for “Mr. Sheen reading from a prepared statement, “What did the NCAA expect would happen when they locked ten NCAA bureaucrats with no basketball expertise in a hotel room in Indianapolis? Brilliance? It’s like calling the losers on celebrity apprentice “celebrities” or the wheel chair edition of Dancing with the stars. Sheen continued, “Its sad. Hell I’m on drugs and I know this”.

Rumors that Sheen turned down an appointment to the 2012 NCAA Men’s Tournament Selection committee are considered spurious one NCAA official snidely reporting that Sheen’s mental acuity and basketball savvy even in a drug induced stupor are far beyond that required for appointment.

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1 comments on NCAA: Charlie Sheen screwed up 2011 Tournament Picks

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By Jack Bates on May 24, 2011 at 11:07 am

Hope this gets reposted in The Onion!

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