Tuesday, August 14, 2018

The Child of an Addict

by Tiffany Catania (writer), , March 01, 2011

I am an addict. I am the child of two addicts, grandchild of four addicts. My children are children of an addict.

If there is one thing I know a little about, it's addiction. In its various forms, it digs its roots into your soul intent on compromising ones potential by filling a void. These voids range in degree - spawn by regret, death, shame or trauma. Addictions range in nature..... alcohol, drugs and food seemed to be the three most popular in my family lineage. Compared to the other two, I was lucky enough to develop the food addiction trait.

I'm obsessed with food. There, I've said it. Food has been my best friend at times, seeing me through the death of my father, standing by me through an abusive ex, and comforting me during times of family turmoil. Gastric bypass helped to hide the evidence of my addiction, but was not a cure. I suffer panic attacks in the grocery store. To me, a grocery store is both a playland and enemy territory. Surrounded by human need and temptation is too much for me to bear. I know what I want, I know what I should be buying .... but leave with a cart filled with confusion. After unloading my parcels, I'm faced with my choices and take careful inventory as I put the groceries away. I know exactly what is in my kitchen at all times. I know when the kids sneak a cookie, because I've obsessively counted them. I am a food addict. I hope not to pass this onto my children, and hope the consequences of my addiction do not negatively affect my kids.

My parents addictions impacted my life ... to say the least. My father was also a food addict. So much so that when his doctor told him that he needed to start dialysis treatment for his malfunctioning kidneys - he denied treatment. He could not live his life on a restricted diet. Food was what he lived for. He wanted to die a happy man, and that he did. I get upset thinking that he had the chance to save his life, but didn't. He choose food instead of the potential of being alive for his children. My mom had a hard time accepting his decision, too. A few months after he died, she met a drug addicted dentist who wrote her prescriptions for anything she wanted...... I am now the child of a recovering drug addict. This has played games with my psyche for the last 17 years. Prior to my fathers death, my mother never so much as sipped a glass of wine, let alone touch a drug. She had been raised by two alcoholics and refused to put her children through that battle. Though she succeeded, she ultimately failed.

About the Writer

Tiffany Catania is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on The Child of an Addict

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By Tiffany Catania on March 01, 2011 at 01:40 pm

Thank you, Cher. I wanted to raise awareness, I'm sure that I'm not the only one out there. Thank you for your kind words, I'm sure I'll write again.

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By 'Mean' Mike Duffau on March 01, 2011 at 10:07 pm

ive always had to watch my weight because of boxin' and wrestlin'...and i love to eat. i know what excessive amounts of food can do to a person. maybe not to the extreme of your experiences, but i get the message here.

keep punchin'

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