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Dear Diary, Since Legolas Isn't Available, What About Him?

by BusinessLife (writer), The Carolinas, February 23, 2011

Credit: Nick Dolding
So, what do you think?
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(Sigh) I have two boys. One is 13 years old and the other is 9 years old but soon to be 10. Where can I hope to find a man with all parts in brain cells in working order?

Well, since we don't have a 'Dear Broo' columnist (hint: great idea), I am taking my search to find a man deep within the inner sanctum of my own noggin. Between me, myself and I...and of course you, maybe I'll find a man of interest. If not, I plan to live out my remaining days at a beach in a hole that I dig out myself and become a hermit. So, let's get started.

Dear Diary,

I figured you would be a good source of information as you know me pretty well and you have a good idea of what is realistic and what is utterly absurd. I have indeed come to the conclusion that the only imaginary man of my dreams, Legolas, from Lord of the Rings has decided not to slide in to win my heart with his bow and arrow. So, with this understanding, I am coming to you in hopes of you helping me to find a man who might interest me as much as I can interest him.

So let's talk about the basics.

Sense of Humor and Intelligence: I want to be able to have a great friendship with someone who has a great sense of humor that is attached with intellectually-stimulating conversation covering a wide array of topics.

Teeth and Eyes: I suppose there are a number of great physical features that are of interest to both men and women. I would like to put in an early request for a man to have all of his original teeth with no teeth sticking out and waving at people passing by as the tooth sticks out past his lips. Additionally, I am most partial to what I call 'smiling eyes.'

Well, Diary, what next? Since I've given you a few crucial areas of interest, can you help me get started in finding a man? I'm willing to be open and have included this photo you see with this letter of a man who says he is physically fit, loves to swim and likes ice cream cones. I'm not completely sure he looks like an avid swimmer. But I may be jumping the gun without giving him a chance.

Thanks for your help,



Dearest Gillean,

You should have come to talk to me sooner. You and I both know that if this man were to buy an ice cream cone for the two of you, he may have some issues with dairy products and you may need to be prepared to have the right type of medicine for him to take before he got in too deep with the fudge ripple for himself.

Truthfully, I think it is fair to say that you like intelligent men and that this is a key criteria that you will not be able to do without when it comes to finding a good match. I also know that your need to have a strong leader who is a faith-based man is a 'must have' as well. A man who continuously asks you, 'so what do you want to do this weekend,' is going to probably have to be sent home back to mom who will always love him no matter what. And I appreciate your willingness not have such focus on looks. But do you really think an intelligent man does not have the ability to catch a clue and either consider contacts or a better pair of frames for glasses. Quite frankly, I'm with you. Legolas is and will always be a 'hottie.' He really knows how to work that bow and arrow. Hoo Haa! me. Back on track. Let's focus more on not only what is important to you in finding a man but how you are going to accomplish the task of meeting men who may become at the very least, possibilities.

So, Gillean answer me this. What does your average day or week look like? What activities place you in locations where single men are more than likely to be found?

Also, I will ask my other readers to begin thinking about how they have been able to find men of interest, at least to begin the dating process. If you haven't gotten out much, maybe consider the idea of washing your car. This way you have to be outside and depending on where you decide to wash your car or have it washed, there may be some potential male species of a certain calibre. Again, stay away from the places that only require quarters placed in the slots!!

Looking forward to this great discovery together and hoping you will try to stay away from too much Lifetime movies.

Your friend and confidante,


About the Writer

BusinessLife is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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6 comments on Dear Diary, Since Legolas Isn't Available, What About Him?

Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By BusinessLife on February 23, 2011 at 09:46 pm

I have to hope that if I choose an appropriate car wash, I may indeed find more suitors with better glasses frames. But maybe that's hoping for too much. More next article. ;)

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Log In To Vote   Score: 3
By Theresa H Hall on February 23, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Giant dark-rimmed glasses could comeback into style. See what you've started?

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Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By BusinessLife on February 24, 2011 at 07:54 am

Legolas had my heart with those intense, piercing eyes, long flaxen hair and his never stop attitude when it came to shooting arrows. He shot one right through my heart. Again, first character I have ever thought was worth a 'crush' although not real. :) Maybe I'll have better luck at the car wash. I'll keep you posted.

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By BusinessLife on February 24, 2011 at 01:44 pm

Dearest Bill and Gary, I think you may mistake my intentions of finding a suitable man as finding a suitable woo! man. Unfortunately, I don't think the scope of my articles related to my quest will lead me to include Jessica Rabbit. However, as I must be fair, should she happen to be at the car wash or some local place where I am hoping to meet a man, I will of course make sure to include her and tell her that you both said 'hello.' :)

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By BusinessLife on February 24, 2011 at 02:38 pm

Bill, it's been awhile since we read some words of wisdom or just some words from you. Why not allow the two of us to spar on such a delightful subject. You up for it, sunshine?

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Log In To Vote   Score: 1
By BusinessLife on February 24, 2011 at 05:11 pm

Alright, Bill. You find that man that would meet most needs and I'll see what I can do to find a woman who would fit most needs. Any rules so we can have an apples to apples article?

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