People don’t like steps.
They like motions, big ones.
They like to take these leaps of faith and remember that their life, the one they all a sudden once had, even if it were just a moment ago, was a bittersweet one, full of nostalgic remorse.
I look back on so many lives, so many phases of mine, it’s hard to remember which one was the real-est. When do we ever pause in our moments and say, now, everything I feel is me, and everything that I have surrounded myself with is the result of that.
I suppose that’s the continuous struggle with life, isn’t it?
That’s the point.
A hand on the neck and knowing someone is looking at you, that’s all, I think we really ask for. When it comes down to it, after all, what is the mountains and the snow, what is a big condo with access to the cliffs, if there isn’t someone to hold your hand when you jump.
I wait all my life not for the jumpers, but the one who doesn’t let go, as we tumble down to the rocks, and shoot for the sea, and our hearts keep pumping, until we hold our breaths, I love the one that holds on, no matter what phase, no matter what life, I plan to change a thousand times more in life, at least to make more than large motions, I count more little steps than big ones.
There are moments, when he looks down at me, and I see his face pause, just that half a second, and I could, oh I could. Fall like leaves to broken cliff lines, and sleep happy as waves gather tumloutous on the rocks. I would change my feathers for fur, my claws for fangs, alter my animal completely, for everything that look says.
Am I reading too far into things?
I get lost in thoughts.
Pause a moment to long, drop on the backnotes and just watch, sometimes uncertain how to let the thoughts fall away and laugh.
This could be nostaligia for a moment just a day old, already wondering if it is lost, forgotten, made up. I suppose the other point in life, is to give up on the knowing.
I think the biggest part of life, of love, if I may be so bold, is the wondering.
And the curious thing is, if you’ve found that hand to hold, all the while you’re wondering, and sooner or later, you realize, you’re living.