Sunday, July 22, 2018

The Blame Game

by Deborah Horton (writer), Montana, January 13, 2011

Credit: Banaras
finger pointing

It is sometimes easier to point fingers than it is to assess oneself.

In relationships, we often times find it easier to assess blame than to get to the truth of the matter, any matter. It's so much easier to say, this is your fault or this caused this to happen, rather than to examine ourselves to find out why and if the blame should reside in us and not going outward.

Blame is easy because it moves responsibility for any situation to someone or something else. Therefore, we don't have to feel guilt. We don't have to take responsibility. The fault lies elsewhere. We are free from having to look inward. Blame is quick. It resolves the situation, we believe, in a quick and tidy fashion. Something happens and we shift the blame in order to avoid the fall out. In order to avoid confrontation. In order to accept that it might be us and not them or that we did something that caused the problem in the first place. The mirror is not an easy place or a quick place to look for resolution.

Self examination can take time. It can get messy. It can be difficult. As humans, we tend to not want to see what is wrong with our own lives or accept that we bear any responsibility for our actions or choices. But every choice that we make, whether good or bad, comes with a price or a consequence. Yes even good choices have a price. The price for good ones may be good as well, but never forget the old saying "No good deed goes unpunished." Bad choices however always come with a price or consequence. It may not happen that instant, but it happens, it always happens. We prefer to blame and shift responsibility because we know deep down that the price is coming and we try to avoid paying.

Each time in our relationships where we find ourselves having a problem or a crisis, we need to take a moment to look inwards before we start pointing the finger outward. The easy road is not the way to long lasting relationships. Eventually, the other person gets tired of the blame. They get tired of watching us refuse to accept responsibility or to look inwards in order to affect change. They soon decide that it is they who must make a change and they make that change away from us. The blame game is not fun to play nor is it conducive to a good relationship. Remember, while you are pointing a finger at someone or something else, several more fingers are pointing back at you.

About the Writer

Deborah Horton is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on The Blame Game

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By Deborah Horton on January 15, 2011 at 08:44 am

Ed - LOL wives will do that :) The blame game gets people no where, especially in terms of their own self examination. Thanks for reading!

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By Deborah Horton on January 16, 2011 at 09:54 am

Ed - that is so true. It definitely builds up and even if they don't say at the time, they hold it on their hearts. Words are some of the most hurtful things to any relationship - that's why the tongue must be guarded at all times.

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