This one is for all you who think oil is bad; who blame oil companies for everything that is wrong with America; think that we don’t need oil and/or wrongfully label oil companies as the greediest of evil corporations.
What if America just simply stopped drilling for and importing oil?
First of all, your car would run out of gas and you would have to just leave it where it died because there would be no tow trucks to come get it. So now you’re left to walk everywhere you go. You can’t take the bus because oil is used to make the diesel fuel that powers them. On the off chance that you happen to live in a city that has compressed natural gas (CNG) busses, those might go a little longer, but they’ll be bogged down among all those cars that are just sitting around because there is no gasoline for them. But eventually the CNG busses will stop running because the supplies of CNG will run out fairly quickly as well.
Ultimately, though, you’ll be back walking anyway. You can’t ride a bicycle because oil is used to make the lubricant for the chain as well as the rubber for the tires. Ever tried riding a bike on just the rims? By the way, you won’t be wearing any comfortable shoes while you walk either because oil is used to make the rubber soles.
PETA will be in trouble because the fur industry will begin to take off since oil is used to make the synthetic fur coats and other materials such as Nylon, Rayon, Spandex and Lycra. So all you fat broads who wear Spanx to keep your cellulite packed away will be out of luck once the ones you have are worn out; there won’t be any more where those came from. Don’t worry though, silk worms will be happy to go back to work spinning their webs of silk for your silk stockings – just make sure you bring lots of money because Nylon stockings were always less expensive. But that shouldn’t bother you too much because we all know how filthy stinking rich you already are.
Make sure that you have plenty of penicillin on hand because you’ll need it after you visit your doctor or have surgery. The doctor won’t be able to wear latex or PVC gloves when he examines you or operates on you because oil is used to make those gloves and the examination and operating rooms are going to be filthy as all get out because the HEPA filters and cleaning chemicals used to sterilize them will be gone. I certainly hope you are okay with that, I’m sure you will be.
You see that keyboard and mouse you’re using to direct the computer in front of which you are currently reading this? Say good-bye to them. Oil is used to make the plastic cases, keys, shells and even the circuit boards in your computer.
Oh, here’s some good news for the environmentalists, there will be no more plastic bottles littering landfills either. This is a good thing. Of course, there won’t be any plastic containers for your food either. So if you buy cold cuts, you’ll have to eat them right away so they don’t spoil. Oh, didn’t you hear? Refrigerators will soon be extinct because there is no plastic to make them nor will there be any refrigerant to keep them cool.
Speaking of cooking and kitchen, your speedy-fast microwave will be gone – too many plastic parts. You will have to make your own soap because oil – believe it or not – is not only used to generate heat to make the soap you use to wash your dishes but a by-product of oil is an ingredient in many soaps. Hopefully you can still get your dinner dishes squeaky clean with that bar of lye soap you’ll be making in the back yard – that is, assuming your city allows open fires.
Can you be okay with using whale-oil ink for your pen? We’ll have to start murdering whales again for their oil because petroleum oil is currently being used to make ink. I can’t remember, did we manage to spare enough whales to make sure they won’t go extinct when we start killing them again? I know the buffalo has made a huge comeback, but I haven’t heard anything lately about whales. Can a person get into “whale breeding”?
Speaking of whale oil, you’ll need some of that to heat your house. When we stop using petroleum-based oil, you’ll have two options for keeping warm in the winter: whale oil or wood-burning stoves. I remember once hearing about good old environmentalists not liking the idea of cutting down trees to use for firewood. Is that still one of their causes?
Animal fat used to be used to make candles. Now candles are made from oil extracts. Hope you don’t mind slaughtering a pig every year to have enough wax to make enough candles in case the lights go out. By the way, just so you know, oil-based wax candles don’t stink up the house the way pig fat-based wax does. But I’m sure you’ll get used to it.
Ladies, do you like to wear perfume? Do you like your man to wear cologne? Well, you can just get used to your own smells again because without oil, there won’t be any perfumes, colognes or other cover-up-your-nasty-body-odor stuff. Besides, you didn’t like having to put on deodorant and anti-perspirants, did you?
By the way, do you wear glasses? Do you mind that in the future without oil if your lenses are three inches thick and weigh a pound? You know the plastics we have now for eyeglass lenses are made from oil so we’ll have to go back to glass lenses and metal frames. You might not think a pound is a lot of weight, but try schlepping it around on your face all day long.
Another good thing about no more oil is that you won’t have to put up with the nasty smell of asphalt. Of course there won’t be anything to drive on asphalt roads anyway, but the other uses for the tar in asphalt will be lost as well. Ever try patching a thatch roof? Know anyone who can? I didn’t think so.
So it would seem that oil does serve a useful purpose in this world after all. It is simply amazing how much of our daily lives comes from oil and not just gasoline for your car. You wear it, carry it, some people have it in their bodies in the form of artificial joint replacement, heart valves, stints and other medical devices. While we don’t eat it, oil protects the food we do eat in the form of plastic containers. Oil helps keep our water clean, our feet dry, our bodies warm, our hair shiny (the primary ingredient in most shampoos is shellac – yes, derived from oil), our stuff together (the adhesive in tape as well as tape itself), our homes save and our money secure (the special inks used by the Federal Reserve to print paper money contain oil). So when the price of a barrel of oil goes up, the price of EVERYTHING goes up which is why we need to begin working to extract our own oil right here in America. We have enough to outlast to Arabian oil fields by decades. I won’t tell you that the single largest method of consumption of oil isn’t from cars because it is. But when you stop and think about everything else we get from oil those uses combined make it not even remotely practical to stop drilling for it at all. I’m all for finding alternative fuels for powering cars, trucks, busses and airplanes, but let’s drill here now until we can find those alternatives.