Monday, July 16, 2018

Opposites Attract

by Deborah Horton (writer), Montana, December 13, 2010

Credit: Kitushsu

The old saying opposites attract doesn't hold much truth in my experience.

I've always heard the phrase opposites attract. People seem to say it continually about relationships. I don't know how many times I heard in my younger years, you know what they say opposites attract. Maybe when you're very young and rebellion is your main goal, but in a long term stable relationship - that has never once been my experience.

When some are young they tend to gravitate to the opposite in relationships. A lot of times it is in rebellion to their adult guidance. Sometimes it is just for the shock value of it. Sometimes it is for the adrenaline rush if the person they choose is dangerous in some way. It can be an experiment. But I've rarely seen a long term relationship between true opposites. Those whose core values are opposite. One exception to this rule appears to be politicos Mary Matalin and James Carville. They SEEM to be opposite, but maybe it's only in their political views. It is not possible for an outsider to know what their views are inside the marriage towards children, money, values, etc.

It has been my experience that long term relationships last because of what people have in common rather than what they don't. I can't imagine being in a relationship or marriage with children and having opposite views on how they should be raised. Having opposite views on how to manage the finances. Having opposite views on core values of religion and politics. I'm sure there are people who do it who are complete opposites, I'm just not sure how they do. Compromise? One is submissive? Someone sweeps their real feelings under the proverbial rug? I just can't see how it doesn't become points of contention at some points.

I've experienced this in both my marriage and friendships. The longest lasting relationships are with those of like mind. Those with whom I share the same viewpoints, values, beliefs. Perhaps, they are the longest lasting because you don't end up sniping at each other over things you hold dear. It's much easier to get along with someone with whom you agree rather than someone that you don't. I've been married over 20 years and I've had friends for many, many years that have remained the same.

Do I have relationships with people who hold opposite views? Sure. But are they close to me? Do I find that those are the people I would turn to if I had a need? No. They are superficial. Everybody enjoys a good debate with an intelligent person of a different view - or most people do. But that's about the extent of those relationships. They are not in my inner circle. They are not the people I would confide in. They are not the ones who will be with me throughout the years of my life. No, it is those who are the same. Opposites attract in magnets, but in my experience that's about the extent of it.

About the Writer

Deborah Horton is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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