(Kenneth Eng's Article Quoted Below)
So... this is awkward... but... as reported in the local news media this week, a locally published weekly stirred up a virtual media shitstorm. By comparison, a literal shitstorm must have happened somewhere or another but nevertheless got less news attention. Asian Week's regular columnist Kenneth Eng, with a byline the reads "God of the Universe", penned a little something quaintly entitled "WHY I HATE BLACKS." According to Mr. Eng, either God or Eng (it's unclear who) thinks that African Americans "hurl racist remarks," are easy to fool and are inferior because they were enslaved for so long without fighting back. Well at least he didn't say anything that could be taken the wrong way. Consider: a typo could have saved his ass if the header had said "Why I Hate Blocks." We'd just assume Kenneth was still dealing with rage issues fired in him by childhood trauma. Or that he is a child. Or retarded (Watch for Kenny's next big headline grabber "Why I Hate Retards" I can see it now "1. Always smiling and happy. 2. The voting record of the united states for the last two presidential terms. 3.That whole Mongolian thing.")
Here's what I think. Yeah, it's a free world and this journalist was writing an "opinion piece," as his bosses called it on the news. (To be fair, they also have promptly removed the offending article from the web site.) But I don't think that you should give a job to a writer who uses caveman-speak like Hate to draw attention to himself. Or get a laugh. Tell you what I've said some offensive things on stage and when it sings and gets a laugh, me the joke writer and performer is granted some kind of immunity. I suppose because then it's seen as coming from a good place that sees the irony in itself. When a joke with controversial subject matter stops in mid-air, hangs there and breaks into a million pieces under the microphone stand. Well. That's a joke that's probably never going to be heard from again.So Kenneth, be funny first, all big and bigotty second. That's all I can tell you. And like I tell those newer comics I meet, keep writing.
So I guess I should preface the following story by saying that I have plenty of friends who are.. ah fuck it. Here's a bunch of reasons...
WHY I HATE ASIAN WEEK (And definitely not Asian people!)
By the Dez
Peon of Myspace
February 27 2007 11:00 PM
*Food section's recipe for Moo Goo Gai Pan actually a formula for Napalm.
*Called Asian Week but issues sit on shelves for years. Should be called Dust Monthly.
*Staff photojournalists perpetuating the myth that Asians love photography.
*A half hour after reading it, you're still hungry. (My comedian friends were waiting for that one)
*Lucky numbers printed by horoscope always lottery losers.
*Missed opportunities to use the term "yellow journalism."
*Asian Week delivery boy shows up late with the wrong order every time. (that's for Darryl - inside joke)
*None of the Women Seeking Men ads looking for SWM.
*Printing pictures of people with surgical masks makes me wonder what some people know that I don't.
*Meeting with ad execs three years ago concluded without "happy ending."
*"Asian Week" worst minority newspaper title since "Black Strong".
*I'm way more offensive than this guy and yet he's on TV tonight! Where's my 15 minutes of shame?
Okay, just so that nobody gets confused, I wrote that shit up top, next year's Nobel prize for peace winner (J/k) Kenneth E. wrote what you see below. He likes dragons.
Why I Hate Blacks
Kenneth Eng, Feb 23, 2007
Here is a list of reasons why we should discriminate against blacks, starting from the most obvious down to the least obvious:
# Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us.
# In my experience, I would say about 90 percent of blacks I have met, regardless of age or environment, poke fun at the very sight of an Asian. Furthermore, their activity in the media proves their hatred: Rush Hour, Exit Wounds, Hot 97, etc.
# Contrary to media depictions, I would argue that blacks are weak-willed. They are the only race that has been enslaved for 300 years. It's unbelievable that it took them that long to fight back.
# On the other hand, we slaughtered the Russians in the Japanese-Russo War.
# Blacks are easy to coerce. This is proven by the fact that so many of them, including Reverend Al Sharpton, tend to be Christians.
Yet, at the same time, they spend much of their time whining about how much they hate "the whites that oppressed them."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Christianity the religion that the whites forced upon them?
# Blacks don't get it. I know it's a blunt and crass comment, but it's true. When I was in high school, I recall a class debate in which one half of the class was chosen to defend black slavery and the other half was chosen to defend liberation.
Disturbingly, blacks on the prior side viciously defended slavery as well as Christianity. They say if you don't study history, you're condemned to repeat it.
In high school, I only remember one black student ever attending any of my honors and AP courses. And that student was caught cheating.
It is rather troubling that they are treated as heroes, but then again, whites will do anything to defend them.
WORLD - AN EDGE IN MY VOICE
Copyright © 2010 The Dez
On Kenneth's Anger: The AsianWeek Blunder
Copyright © 2010 The Dez
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