Infidelity appears to be the word of the modern era. Turn on the television and there are stories about infidelity everywhere; a friendship is ruined, a family destroyed or another divorce occurs, all due to some form of sexual betrayal. Sometimes it seems as though we are living in a world filled with adult bodies who are ruled by the basic, uncontrollable instincts of hormonal teenagers that are in desperate need of established boundaries.
Sex between consenting adults can be a beautiful expression and extension of who we are but it does not mean we have to hurt other people in the process of expressing ourselves. Sabotaging families, friendships or marriages to get what we want in life is beyond selfish. It's downright childish and irresponsible. It does not matter how hot your close friend's husband/wife is, how hot your girlfriend/boyfriend's sister or brother is, or how your married xyz promises you delusions of "I'll leave my spouse for you" grandeur. There is a time when we all have to routinely check our moral compass, fix the damn thing if it's broken and correct our course of action accordingly. Millions of attractive and desirable fish live in the sea, and if you chose to spend your life chasing tail, do it responsibly. Don't destroy people's lives or relationships. We need to remember that the wounds we are responsible for inflicting on others can take a lifetime to heal, and we are spiritually accountable for them.
We all need a good dose of living our life with sexual integrity.
"Love is an evolution beyond sexual energy, and can come only through acceptance of it. You see a flower in bloom– have you ever considered that the blossoming of a flower is an act of passion, a sexual act? What is happening as the flower blossoms? The butterflies will sit on it and carry its pollen, its sperm, to another flower. A peacock dances in full glory– aware that the dance is an overt expression of passion, that it is primarily a sexual act? The peacock is dancing to seduce its beloved. The peacock is beckoning to his beloved, his spouse. The bird is singing, the peacock is dancing, the boy has become an adolescent, the girl has grown into a beautiful woman– these are all expressions of sexual energy....I want to say to you that sex is godly. The energy of sex is divine energy, godly energy. That is why this energy creates new life. It is the greatest, most mysterious force of all."
If you are the type of person that likes to have multiple sex partners and not be tied down, be honest about it. Don't lead the people you date to believe 'they are the only one' when you know in your heart it is not true. If you are a serial monogamist, be honest. Don't settle and pretend to be a sexual cougar if your holding out for your 'ideal love.' If you are attracted to someone whom you know getting involved with will damage the heart of a person who trusts you, avoid being alone or emotionally intimate with them altogether. If you are married and tempted to be unfaithful, get professional help, be willing and humble enough to really work on your marriage. We all know what happened to Humpty Dumpty, be "all in or all out."
You choose your partner(s) and honest, open communication is essential to a healthy sex life. No matter how you express your sexuality, don't forget to wear protection.
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa
Infidelity is the cowards way out of an unhappy relationship. It takes a person with integrity to break up with someone, to end a relationship and allow the person "we say we care about" the space to heal without wounding them further. End something old before beginning something new. Our choices can minimize the emotional damage to the size of an acorn or create a hurricane in the heart and mind. Ultimately the choice is ours, and we can control our animal instincts if we choose to do so.
"Temptation is just a test. Everyone can pass it with integrity. Walk or better yet, run." ~Father Mead
When she walked into a room, it was not her beauty that captured your immediate attention or her green eyes but her presence exuded a light that pulled at your soul like a magnet drawing you in. Her blonde hair glistened like flecks of sunshine, and when she smiled, people could not help but smile back. She was warm, witty, funny and loving. My favorite thing about her was that money never determined how she treated someone, everyone was equal in her eyes. She sincerely believed in treating people, from the garbage man to a CEO with kindness and respect. A rare quality for a woman who could have easily turned up her nose and been a snob. She never bragged about being an extremely successful business woman, or that she was an heiress to one of the wealthiest families in the United States. There was not one pretentious bone in her body. Love and being a loving person took precedence in her life over money. She was a woman in love, married to the man of her dreams.
"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." ~Jean Anouilh
Three years into their marriage her perfect husband fell mysteriously ill. He was checked into the hospital his family owned and had built from the ground up. He had the best in medical care but the doctors were baffled and at a loss as to what was causing the rapid deterioration of his health. The doctors finally told them both that he was running out of time. Lying in the hospital bed, her husband began to cry as he confessed his infidelity to her. He told her that he had been sleeping with other people throughout their marriage and apologized through his tears.
"Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." ~1 Corinthians 6:16
Shortly after his confession, her husband passed away. She was devastated in more ways than one. In her sudden loss and grief, the doctors advised her as a precautionary measure to have a series of blood tests taken to discover whether or not she had been infected by the same mysterious illness as her husband. She hesitated at first but decided to comply.
"One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal though....betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope." ~ Steven Deitz
Two weeks later she returned to the hospital awaiting her lab results, reminded of the wounds created from her deceased husbands words. She was clasping her hands together, scared of the news that awaited her. A team of doctors had done extensive research to identify the name of the mysterious illness and had finally come to a conclusion. When one of the doctors entered her room, she could tell by the expression on his face that he had more bad news. Apparently her husband and his infidelity had left her one last parting gift, a disease just becoming known in the Western World as, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, (A.I.D.S.)
The woman in this story was my best friend, today is the 10th Anniversary of her passing. She trusted the man she loved with her life. How many partner(s) do you have sex with that trust you with their life? Think about it.
Having unprotected sex is like playing Russian Roulette with someones life, including yours.
There are 31.3 million adults worldwide living with HIV and AIDS. Approximately 48 percent of adults living with HIV/AIDS worldwide are women. Most women worldwide are infected by their husbands. There was a time when we use to worry about unmarried women. Now we worry more about the married ones. In some countries the rates of HIV infection among married women are higher than those among unmarried, sexually active women.
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." ~Ken Hammond
It is suggested that 98 percent of these women live in developing countries. The AIDS epidemic has had a unique impact on women. According to the Centers for Disease Control, "biologically women are twice more likely to become infected with HIV through unprotected heterosexual intercourse than men. Worldwide, more than 80 percent of all adult HIV infections have resulted from heterosexual intercourse. In many countries women are forced into non-consentual sex and less likely to be able to negotiate condom use."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." ~ Billy Crystal
Additionally, millions of women have been indirectly affected by the HIV and AIDS epidemic. Women’s childbearing role means that they have to contend with issues such as mother-to-child transmission of HIV. The responsibility of caring for AIDS patients and orphans is also a major issue. The United Nations defines "orphan" as a child who has 'lost one or both parents'. Worldwide, it is estimated that more than 15 million children under 18 have been orphaned by AIDS. Even with the expansion of antiretroviral treatment access, it is estimated that by 2015, the number of orphaned children will still be overwhelmingly high."
Our society needs a good dose of living our lives with sexual integrity. Obviously our actions affect far more than just us.
No matter who you love, or how, wear protection. Have respect for interpersonal boundaries between close friends, families and married couples. The human heart is to be handled with care, it is not to be used as a sex target to score points for our personal sex-capades. It is up to each of us to manage our own sexual expression with maturity and responsibility.
Most importantly, whether single or in a committed relationship, have respect for your sex partner(s) life.
Sexual Integrity, it matters. New words for our modern era.