Upset that the NFL might remove his ability to commit felonious assault with a national audience as material witnesses, and convinced that he is somehow “Special” James Harrison, the Pittsburgh Steelers head hunting linebacker had his feelings hurt when his unique skills, if maiming another human being is a viable job skill and not merely the extenuating circumstance sentencing judges use to incarcerate a convicted felon, James has announced he might just retire from the NFL.
Harrison's helmet to helmet hit on Josh Cribbs in Last Sunday’s game between the Steelers and the Browns established beyond any reasonable doubt Harrison’s poor judgment, his lack of humanity, his lack of maturity and now, with his latest pronouncement James confirmed what many have long suspected; he is about as dumb as a rock.
In a world where the average person has to work forty hours a week, fifty plus weeks a year for the kind of money that Harrison pisses away in fines; Harrison is in that extremely small precentage of people who actually gets paid millions to play a game. Every week during the NFL season, Harrison struts around a stadium filled with people, hard working people that do real work in near aninmity, dig ditches, serve food, sell insurance, work as nurses, technicians, and store clerks that have paid not an insignificant amount of money to watch a football game. Many of these fans show up attired in Harrison’s replica Pittsburgh Steelers jersey, an NFL officially licensed product that once again, required no small investment from a person who could probably have put the money to better use.
James probably hasn’t given much thought to what he will do in retirement, and given that he has little education, an anger management problem and the job skills normally possessed by a mob enforcer, the following list of potential vocational choices while not exhaustive, is no doubt representative of the opportunities Harrison is qualified for.
U.S. Airways baggage handler; stunt double for Whoopi Goldberg, male stripper, professional wrestler, hit man, carney, customer service rep at the Department of motor vehicles, postal worker, alligator wrestler, serial killer, Dog walker, marriage counselor, hazardous waster remover, strip club bouncer, anger management counselor, professional mourner, body guard for Barry Bonds, personal trainer for Stuart Scott, spokesperson for "Super Chair", the motorized wheel chair, and Goodwill Ambassador for the Taliban.
James here’s a bit of unsolicited advice: Grow a pair and be a man. You live a charmed life and are entitled to nothing. The game is bigger than you, the Steelers managed to win a number of Super Bowls before you arrived and they will survive your departure. You are acting like a spoiled child that has no faculty to comprehend just how blessed you are. In a few short years, your career will be over. They will not close down the stadium in Pittsburgh, the NFL will take little official notice that you aren't in the league, and you might notice the groupies aren't as young or as good looking as they once were. People will stop returning your calls and you might actually have to wait in ine with the rest of us. Sadly, if your life after football follows the pattern of most ex-NFL players, shortly after you leave the game, you will be broke and divorced and about the only thing you will get from that divorce is the dog and from what the media reports, that dog ain't no bargain.