I decided to get nuts. And when I get nuts, I go to Craigslist. It's like the nexus of the nuts universe. If it's not in Craigslist, then it's not worth not pursuing. Besides, I hadn't been there in quite some time really—well actually, ever since the last time I went. So to say I wasn't getting that old tinkle drop feeling of anticipation wouldn't be fair. I was.
Now the instigator of all this was some reading I've been doing about becoming a paid copywriter. It's something that suits me as far as I can tell, that is if I want to take my writing to the next level, or more accurately, the first level.
Anyway, I feverishly clicked through USA/New Jersey/Central New Jersey/Jobs/Writing and Editing. Holy Smokes! Employment! The very first one was for a Copywriter in Jersey City. I can make that commute! It'll require I take the train for the better part of morning and evening, but hey! I'm hungry! Besides, I've always felt trains are for professionals, other types of people, and copywriters. It's their badge of transportation.
Eager to learn more, I jumped to the job spec, first sentence: "Copywriter for Immediate Hire." "Hire" usually is for a job. That's a good sign. An excellent sign really. This little journey was off to a very good start.
The second spec sentence: "Copywriter is wanted to produce original print content." Fantastic! It sounds legit. If they had said something like, "Copywriter is wanted to shoe horses", which I seem to recall seeing in the past, I would have been suspicious. But no! This was for the writing copy kind of copywriter!
I was getting all deep into this now. The next offering was a humdinger: "Wage is $16 hourly and benefits are offered after trial period."Beautious for spacious skies! A hiring job that pays wages! It's like this job was meant for me. Tinkle drops commenced.
But what was it they wanted me to do for this terrific opportunity? It was spelled out completely in the next sentence: "Copywriters must be able to write and have extremely inventive minds." Now if that doesn't beat all get out! "Copywriters that write", that's what I do! Must have "extremely inventive minds". Although I only have one that I'm aware of, the mind I have is inventive. Why, once I tried to make uranium with my super deluxe, 32 compounds, chemistry set, with one of those spin-arounder things that anyone worth his uranium making salt knows you have to have to make isotopes.
[In the spirit of full disclosure, while I didn't exactly make any uranium, I did end up with a super acid that could eat its way through anything made of the cloth family, like fine table linens and satin blouses for example.]
I'm getting off track a little. The point is I have the inventive mind I think they are talking about. This was way too good to be true. It was a match made 'in the internets' heaven. And to think it was in freakin' Craigslist of all places.
But wait there was more—specifically, "other important qualities". Oh boy!
"Other important qualities are initiative, creativity, artistic talent, imagination, enthusiasm, the ability to do research work, research previous adverts, energy, a sense of humor, an interest in society, a good general knowledge of facts, fashion, religion, animation, computer technology, music, history, language, psychology, politics, a weird imagination, popular taste and a knowledge of culture ..."
I was doing okay until I got to "a good general knowledge of facts, fashion, religion, animation and blah blah blah". Holy cow! I'm not sure I'm up to this. A knowledge of facts is asking a lot of one person, let alone all the rest of it. No wonder they are willing to pay $16 and hour.
But it didn't end there. It got a whole lot worse: "plus a general intellect which allows them to understand or at least try to understand almost any facet of life on earth."
Are they kidding me? They don't want a copywriter, they want Marilyn vos Savant for chrissakes! And if you don't know who she is, she just happens to be like the smartest person in this solar system (for that matter, in any other solar system that has no intelligent life forms). That's who she is! And she's dreamy to boot—for a long-in-the-tooth high IQ type that is.
It was too good to be true! Suckered again! I never learn my lesson about Craigslist. Oh, I promise you, I'll be back in there as soon as this little debacle becomes a flicker in the distant writing employment horizon.
Can you believe that? "Must try to understand almost any facet of life on earth!" Marilyn vos Savant type stuff. I can't even figure out MTV's "Jersey Shore", and I grew up in Jersey. This was God awful this was! It's back to the drawing board for me. Unbelievable, "almost any facet of life on earth"! $16 bucks an hour down the tubes.
What a set back! What a terrible turn of events!